Well, as you can detect from the text that I've read after having preached on topics such as divorce and pre-marital sex and so on, that I have decided to jump from the frying pan into the fire. There just is no more controversial topic of the globe than this one involving marriage roles. I know that some of you, even for me to read this text and certainly for me to be so bold as to teach on the topic, some of you will just confirm your suspicion that I am some sort of throwback to the Anderthal. Well, it's a topic we have to admit. It picks our skin crawl based on the sensibilities that most of us have acquired as citizens of the twenty-first century. We almost have an allergic reaction to this vocabulary of submission because it seems so blatantly sexist and male chobinistic and so naturally we take offense. Just so that I have a better sense of the congregation to whom I'm speaking, I wonder if you might do me the favor. Those of you happen to be married or engaged to be married. Just raise your hand so I know who all is going to be sympathetic with me, all right? Keep the hands right up there and just for the fun of it, why don't we add all those who would like to be married?
I sometimes fall into that kind of problem. Anyway, well, of course this is a passage then. You can see that for many of us it will have tremendous existential importance but it's also important for those who aren't married. And I want to stress that at right up front. I have spoken with a number of brothers and sisters in this church for whom it is the case that one of the largest deterrence to the thought of marriage is the fear that somehow rather the wedding band will become a ball and chain. A dread that within, especially within the fellowship of Christianity that this will now be a sentence to some kind of lifelong enslavement. I think it is also the case as most of us are aware when we try to share our faith. Again, this is applicable to all of us that when we share our faith in this generation, one of the greatest hurdles to coming to Christ is the perception that the Bible is somehow rather denigrating to the interests of women. And so it is vital for every one of us married about to be married or single. Every one of us to come to grips with a balanced understanding of what God actually has in mind on this matter of marriage roles. Some of you will remember a couple of years ago the great viewer that rose on the basis of the Southern Baptist Convention at their annual meeting. I guess it was two summers ago where they took this very bold and controversial stand to add to their essential statement of beliefs a 250-word document on family life. And there in the midst of the document was the affirmation that a wife should submit herself graciously to the servant leadership of her husband. Because the Southern Baptist are the largest Protestant denomination in America, this of course caused a feeding frenzy among the media as reporters descended on America's most famous Southern Baptist to ask him whether he had perhaps informed Hillary of her requirement to be submissive to him. And of course President Clinton chose to express some uncertainty about the point that not all Christians were in agreement about the interpretation of the text apparently. Anyway, what does the Bible have to say about this topic? I'm reminded of a comic strip I saw some time ago and I shared it with you in another context. It's a Christianity today comic which depicts the Apostle Paul disembarking at the wonderful harbor there at Ephesus and he's looking rather beleaguered as they're greeting him on the shoreline. It's a vast mob of angry women brandishing rolling pins and holding placards. And on the placards you read, you know, women of Asia unite the Apostle Paul as a male chauvinist pig and Paul seeing this meekly in tone something like, oh I see you got my letter. The reality is, however, that there ought to be two mobs, two furious angry mobs. Yes, the feminist on the one side but on the other side should be a bunch of folks holding placards and saying, men of Asia minor unite the Apostle Paul is a rabid feminist. There's really enough in our text to offend everybody and it may actually surprise you that in the New Testament period both points of view both alternative models concerning marriage were well represented. In fact, this is one of the many reasons why the Bible is always just so relevant for us. The remarkable parallels between especially the New Testament world and our own I think are so striking and helpful to be aware of. Yes, of course there was the traditional view. Sometimes it now goes by the term complementary and to emphasize the complementary nature of the role relationships of man and woman rather than being equal their complementary but the traditional view the traditional view was well represented the Greco-Roman view of marriage which was the predominant one and was one that was clearly male chauvinistic. Aristotle taught the stronger should rule the weaker and so by nature men should rule over women. There's a constitutional quality about men that inherently gives them the right to have authority over women. Marriage was viewed as an arrangement of course of responsibilities and privileges which sounds great until you realize that all the responsibilities were the women's and all the privileges were the man's. We have the famous statement of de Mastinese the Greek pagan author we have prostitutes for the sake of pleasure we have concubines for the sake of daily cohabitation but we have wives for the purpose of having legitimate children and of having a faithful guardian for all our household affairs. There's almost an unapologetic embracing a big double standard here. Kato likewise writes if you were to catch your wife in an act of infidelity you can kill her with impunity without a trial but if she were to catch you she would not venture to touch you with her finger and indeed she has no right. Later in the Roman period the same attitude prevailed we have a very celebrated case of a pagan Roman individual Ignatius who caught his wife drinking wine and he beat her to death and did it with impunity and the law couldn't touch him because of course it was illegal for Roman matrons to drink wine the men well they could drink all they wanted but not the women it was under this Greco Roman influence that the Pharisees and ultimately rabbinic Judaism tended to migrate into an increasingly hostile stance with respect to women but don't you suppose that this was Jesus view and it certainly wasn't the Old Testament view nor is it the view espoused in the New Testament I'd like to argue on the other hand just as there was this traditional view the predominant view of marriage and marriage roles so there was also almost as a pendulum swings and reaction against it a radical feminist view concerning marriage and gender roles the Pythagorean's were a more moderate expression of that but the mystery religions especially is where you encounter this the ISIS cult the worship of the great mother goddess of the Egyptians would be probably the parade example there's a oxy-rincus papyrus from Egypt where the goddess is extolled thou gave us to women women the same power as to man and you read that and you think well that's what could be better than that that just sounds very liberating and modern and lightened but the way it was then interpreted and lived out is anything but liberated we then read of the male priests of the ISIS cult how during their ordination ceremony they castrated themselves in order that they might look more like women because in fact in this pendulum swing now its female chauvinism that is being offered as the answer to this societal problem it's into this morass that Christianity was born and its understanding of marriage came as a wonderful breath of fresh air you could call it the text I've just read when read properly and an emancipation proclamation for men and women and it's not at all surprising as a matter of history that because of the bible's view of women and for that matter other marginalized groups within the culture the lower classes slaves and so on a women slaves members of the lower class came into christian faith in droves in fact it was almost an embarrassment for the christian apology of the second and third century because they were trying to show that christianity wasn't somehow rather a threat to the societal order because it seemed that the churches were so filled with slaves and women a grateful for this enhanced dignity that they now had in christ in any case I say that the bible really you'll discover is neither neither traditional nor is it feminist in terms of its view of marriage and it's on marriage that we want to focus our attention especially we're leaving aside issues concerning leadership in the church and so on but in terms of marriage it's neither complementarian nor is it egalitarian it's a third thing all together there of course plenty of passages that look like they're egalitarian and have often been enlisted in the support of that cause a Galatians 328 would be the obvious one where it speaks of how there is now therefore no Jew nor Greek slave nor free male nor female for your all one in christ a perhaps even more practical and to the point is Paul's assertion of the mutuality of marriage in 1st Corinthian 7 the wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband in the same way the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife and so Paul well Jesus likewise speaks of adultery both with respect to the standard of behavior for men as well as women there's not a double standard in marriage but this text you could hardly have a more stunning expression of that conjugal intimacy and mutuality that is to characterize marriage all of this just flows right out of of course Genesis 2 it's not something that's new in the New Testament I want to emphasize this God hasn't changed his tastes with respect to right and wrong Jesus Christ is the same yesterday today and forever and so it all goes back as Paul does in Ephesians 5 to that definitive statement for this reason a man will leave his father and mother cleave to his wife and they will become one flesh it's the one flesh bond and that requirement is unprecedented in the ancient Near East everywhere else it would have said that a woman will leave her father and mother and cleave to her husband but no the Bible puts the onus of responsibility of love on the husband his is the preeminent commitment as he cleaves to his wife using that covenant language elsewhere used of our relationship with God well that's all fine but of course Ephesians 5 clearly insists on a differentiation of roles within marriage and so you say well maybe there are these egalitarian texts but this passage clearly is not and so then we wonder well then maybe the Bible must be after all male chauvinistic it must in fact be denigrating to women and so on well don't think that if you imagine that somehow rather the Bible by the way was unaware of male chauvinism that's not the case the scriptures do address the topic they just don't condone it in fact when they speak of it they mock it in a delicious parody in irony and what I'm thinking here is of course Israel because they at least in principle sought to build their marriages on Genesis 2 their their own culture wouldn't have served up as many examples of this but when they went into captivity they finally saw traditional marriage embodied for the first time and they thought it was ridiculous among the Persians and you can read about it in the book of Esther chapter 1 let me just pick out some of the passages to allow you to catch the flavor in verse 10 on the seventh day when King Xerxes was in high spirits from wine he commanded the seven eunuchs who served him to bring before him Queen Vasty wearing her royal crown in order to display her beauty to the people and nobles for she was lovely to look at first of all the text mentions a seven day drinking binge in order to explain how Xerxes is of course totally drunk we know we're told he's drunk in order that we might account for this incredible command that he this totally offensive order that he imposes on his wife and I think the traditional Jewish interpretation of this order is exactly correct Vasty the queen is being commanded to come into the presence of the drinking buddies and the king wearing the crown and of course the point is it's only the crown she's going to come in parading in nudity for their entertainment and she of course faced with this command from her husband a response exactly as she should she deems it utterly offensive and repulsive and she will not do it she then refusing that is considered a direct affront to Xerxes' marital authority not just his authority as a king and this is what the text emphasizes the king became furious and burned with anger according to the law what must be done the queen Vasty he asked she's not obeyed the command of king Xerxes that the Unix have taken to her and now the counselors respond memo con speaking in their behalf queen Vasty has done wrong not only against the king but also against all the nobles and peoples of all the provinces of king Xerxes you just you just have to hear the exquisite humor of this anyway this is the enemy remember the Persians of the enemy they're about to launch genocide against Israel they're like Hitler's Germany you understand there they have just about in a few pages will be ordering the annihilation of all the Jews at the end of the Old Testament we're speaking about that people these are their cultural values for the queen's conduct says memo con will become known to all the women and so they will despise their husbands you see it's going to be women's lived breaking out all over the kingdom and they'll say king Xerxes commanded queen Vasty to be brought before him but she would not come and so on this very day the Persian and median women of nobility heard about the queen's conduct will respond to all the nobles in the same way they'll learn from this example they'll be no end of disrespect and discord so you got to keep the women barefoot and pregnant and you give them an inch they'll take a mile therefore it pleases the king let him or issue a royal decree and here the here it is and it's one that can't be repealed Vasty's never again to enter the presence of king Xerxes you didn't obey me once that's it never gonna let you have another chance then when the king's edict is proclaimed throughout all his vast realm all the women will respect their husbands from the least of the greatest he sent dispatches to all the parts of the kingdom to each province and its own script to each people and its own language proclaiming in each people's tongue that every man should be the ruler over his own household well the thing is just so ludicrous and of course god not surprisingly raises up Esther to overthrow at all and you can get the wonderful delicious irony there so yes the bible does know about male chauvinism it knows about a view of marriage where every man is the ruler over his own household we call that the Persian model that's the Persian model what's the biblical view if it's neither feminist nor the Persian model what's god's model for marriage and here I invite you and beg you listen with forbearance it's a package deal try to suspend judgment for a moment then use judgment with intensity as you search the scriptures and see if it's so but don't just listen say well I don't agree with that and that's the end of it listen carefully listen to the word of god wives wives be submissive to your husbands as to the Lord but the husband is the head of the wife as Christ as the head of the church his body of which he is the savior now as the church submits to Christ so also wise should submit to their husbands in everything I think the first thing we might want to say about this passage is just noticing it's astonishing brevity just three verses the parallel and collotions boils it down to just one verse here it is here's the whole job description you can put it on your refrigerator wives submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord that's it that's the whole of it the totality I think nine words in Greek if I remember correctly just compare that to the shelf loads of books at the local Christian bookstore telling you the zillion things you've got to do to have a Christian marriage just contrast this to the well of course the whole point is the Bible is transcultural notice it doesn't tell you that man you've got to make the igloo or that you've got to go hunt the bear or that you've got to milk the cow or the Bible is transcultural it's liberating here it's majoring on the majors it doesn't actually give into this notion that there are some specific tasks that women is women's work and other tasks that are men's work it's liberating in that sense in the New Testament world for that reason the women love Christianity because it does set us free to be ourselves it doesn't tell husbands you got to be good at sports because what kind of a wimpy father you're going to be if your son wants you to be the head of the little league or there are no role there are no role requirements in terms of gender identification cultural requirements like that we don't get the 10 principles of a happy home the 50 keys to a successful marriage or any other such speculation if it's not in the Bible don't believe it and watch out Paul tells us for those who want to add to the word of God spying out our freedom and Christ and keeping up well intention advice beyond that which God has given it's very simple wives be submissive to your husbands as to the Lord the next thing I want to say about is notice another very encouraging interesting fact often neglected the Bible and joins wives to be submissive to their husbands not to all men the text does not say wives be submissive to all men it's not the establishment here of a patriarchal social order it's speaking about the marital relationship and every single time in the New Testament when women are enjoying to submission it's submission to their husbands not to someone else's husband and even the whole language of headship is the same Paul here speaks of for husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church his body of which he is a savior the moment you read about headship you're either speaking of Christ's relationship to the church or the father's relationship to the son God the father and God the son but within human experience it's the husband to the wife in the reason for that is the notion of the head is related organically and inseparably to the notion of a body the husband is to love his wife as his own body and the body head relationship I say is a metaphor this inextricably linked metaphor for our love to be telling men that you're to love other women as your own body is repulsive so you hear headship or submission you need to think marriage to your husband not to all men and so the Old Testament or the New Testament would have in my opinion no problem if you happen to be promoted to be the department chair of medicine at Harvard Medical School or you're the CEO of at Bellatlantic it doesn't mean that you can now only have women employed at Bellatlantic under you this is not setting an agenda for all societal or economic relationships when the queen of Sheba came to Solomon and heard the godly wisdom that God gave him his wisdom did not include the injunction that she should go home and quit her job likewise the Old Testament speaks without any condemnation of the righteous Abigail who corrects David by the way but that she has servants male servants under her so within the economic sphere the Bible doesn't have any problem with women ruling over men in your company at the local coffee shop or politically Deborah in the Old Testament or the Queen of Sheba would be examples functional subordination in the home does not necessarily relate to other spheres of activity and of course we hold this view as congregational with respect to political subordination we're not Anglicans yes the Bible tells us that we should be submissive to those in political authority but because we're not Anglicans we do not hold that the queen has got to be the head of the church or that if governor Salucci comes down Park Street and walks in this sanctuary that we now need to have him be one of our elders at least if not the pastor but we don't hold that we hold that you can be submissive in the political sphere acknowledging his authority rightfully respectful of him as governor but within the church she might be the youngest believer and have to be in submission to you if you happen to be an elder the spheres operate with relative independence and sphere sovereignty as we would speak of it when Joseph for example had his father Jacob come down to Egypt I assume Joseph continue to honor his father and be submissive to him don't you the Bible holds Joseph up as a paragon of virtue but in the political sphere Joseph is the vice-ferro and Jacob the father is under his authority he has to live in Goshen where Joseph says you're to live he can't just do whatever he pleases and so it is with respect to the marital relationship let's not misinterpret and extend this obligation of submission to areas that the text isn't speaking of it's not to all men it's to your husbands it's not with respect to the economic or political spheres it's within the family the familial sphere well what is submission of course we don't like hearing this but the fact is we're all on the same page we're all required to be submissive not just wives we all know what submission is because we're all required to do it we're required to do it to those like governor Salucci and authority first Peter 2 says submit yourself for the Lord's sake to every authority instituted among men whether to the king as a supreme authority or governors and so on that doesn't mean that we then are now required to give abject obedience the same Peter who wrote that passage also said we must obey God rather than men so it's not that you just you know now put your brain in neutral and you're not allowed to have an opinion you must still examine everything that is said by that authority examining according the word of God if it doesn't agree that's it that's the end of the story you obey God rather than men like wise all of us in the social sphere at least those of us who are men first Peter 5 says young men in the same way be submissive to those who are older all of you clothe yourselves with humility how are you submissive to older men how do you correct an older man like you might a father Paul tells Timothy to do that when you correct an older man do it with respect as you know how do I correct how do you correct your father very carefully with lots of difference and but you might love him enough to actually correct them and so it is we all know what submission is but it isn't being a door mat it's not that all younger men are supposed to be door mats for all the older men and have them trample all over you and consider you just trash whatever submission means it better mean the same thing and all of these texts it doesn't mean that you're to have no opinions and it surely doesn't mean you're inferior we're not inferior to the elders of the church they'll be the first to tell us we're not inferior just as Jesus the Christ the second person of the Trinity is not inferior to God the Father and yet Hebrews says he was in submission to the Father the son of God was in submission to the Father but there's not an ontological inferiority God the Father and God the Son have the same qualities of divinity I and the Father are one Colossians too for in Christ all the fullness of the deity lives in bodily form so the submission of the Son to the Father is purely functional get that it's functional not ontological it's not because of inferiority that the Son doesn't have good opinions or isn't really capable of running his own life it's purely functional and positional and the same thing could be said by the way of the headship you got to remember that before modern times they didn't know that the brains were the thinking center the intellectual center of the body Aristotle thought it was the heart the Old Testament normally uses the heart the thinking goes in here so when we hear headship don't import anachronistically modern notions of physiology when a husband is said to be the head it isn't because he's got the brains of the outfit it's purely a positional elevation it's purely position it's not better skin up here nothing and again of course the interdependence can't be missed I've never seen a decapitated head but I assume it wouldn't be able to do much you need one another you belong together it's purely positional based on God's pure grace or determination has nothing to do with superiority or inferiority so then what does it mean well of course we know what it means it means just the active willing surrender of yourself to another the yielding of your affection your attention your allegiance you submit to the older man by giving them your respectful attention isn't isn't that what it is respectful attention especially listening to them cooperating you possible in Hebrews the writer to Hebrews speaks of that kind of business in Hebrews 13 obey your leaders and submit to their authority they keep watch over you as men who must give an account obey them that their work will be a joy not a burden but that would be of no advantage to you Ian Aiken is one of your elders or mercy probodosses every one of us can dig our heels in we can make their job ahead ache we have it in our power it's very easy every suggestion they make we can reject in question and and you know run them down or do and runs around them very easy or we can make their work a joy by being transparent and revealing our needs and seeking their counsel and listening listening attentively not throwing our brains into neutral as if we had no opinion but taking seriously and respectfully under advisement what they say Paul summarizes it this way in Ephesians 5 he starts off by saying wives submit to your husbands husbands love your wives and then he sums it up and reverse in the last verse however each of you must love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect for husband submission is the determination to respect you're not to be your husband's constant critic fighting across purposes trying to outdo him and every turn and you say why why would we have to do all this well it's not because he deserves it God is asking you to show an attentiveness and love to your husband that no husband can demand can't even request and certainly doesn't deserve you do it for Christ period you do it for Jesus whatever you do you work at with all your heart it's working for the Lord not for men since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward it's the Lord Christ you're serving you do it for him you do it as if you were doing it for him and you do it for him not begrudgingly not half-heartedly but for him why because God wants us to know about himself that's why he set it up this way he set up marriage so that human beings would know about his relationship to us so we'd have like little living depictions even when you're not in church listening to sermon just look around you see another marriage and bingo once again you see something of God's love for you and yet the same reason he set up Father and Son to reveal yet another aspect of his relationship and so on it's a metaphor by his design to reveal himself it's his purpose is a evangelistic purpose and it's also for the sake of our love in unity when I first pastored in Gloucester there was an elderly woman who I will I just assume she had been single all her life and after her about well after being there about a year she one time invited me over for tea and revealed to me a very interesting story I'd never heard anything like it a back in the late 20s early 30s she got married I didn't know she was married and because it was the depression her husband who had come from Florida had difficulty getting a job and for weeks then months he looked he sought out they sought counsel how can I get a job couldn't get a job like every married couple they tried to make a decision by unanimous agreement he had got word from his family down in Florida that there was work there they'd give him a job if they could move down there she was born in Gloucester in fact she ended up dying in the very house she was born in she was in Gloucester and wanted to stay there and was newly wed and insecure they sought counsel they prayed but the end of the day they couldn't agree he felt they ought to go to Florida he couldn't find work she said no we got to stay here I just I have to stay here I won't be happy anywhere else at last I suppose showing a kind of egalitarian marriage ahead of its time they decided well let's just have one man one vote and he decided to go to Florida and she decided to stay up there in Gloucester they continued to write I think their plan was eventually to get together but I don't know they got used to it they had very dear feelings for each other they wrote for all the next year the following year the next decade right up and through the middle 50s when for whatever reason they stopped writing with such frequency and then finally wrote a communication they never divorced well there's one man one vote Jesus doesn't want your marriage to come to that end say I say let's replay the tape what would a Persian marriage look like a traditional marriage well they'd go through all the same process because no one's a fool naturally you want unanimity you'd seek counsel you'd pray at the end of the day the husband say well I want to go to Florida you want to stay here in Gloucester but God wants us to be together one flesh right one flesh and so he is given one of us a tie-breaking vote and guess who that is it's me says the husband or it's I if he has better grammar and because God wants us together honey we're just going to go to Florida and you've got to go along I'll try to be sensitive and make it as pleased pleasant as possible we'll come back for visits and so on and she would then go because her friends would urge her and that would be it that's the that's the traditional view isn't it what's the Christian view husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her it's the requirement of love of course it's a requirement of love that stresses gentleness says Jesus love is gentle and it's not coercive it's not that you bully and hammer away at your spouse or order bark commands it's I like to think of the analogy of a dance you know my children can't tell who among their parents is really in leadership because as a couple dancing unless you're a really crummy dancer you don't drag your spouse across the floor from the outside you can't tell who's determining where the next step is coming just the gentlest touch and the just a little glance in which direction and and you're just because the wife is making the jobs husband a joy and the husband is loving the wife and attentive to her needs and so they dance across the floor effortlessly without either one appearing to be the leader from the outside but there is a leadership and it's the leadership of love let's replay the tape the husband and my version would say this after going through all the same steps in the end he would say honey you want to stay in Gloucester I know you're born here you're we're early in our marriage a little insecure but I need to have a job and I have an offer down in Florida I come from Florida that's obviously a little easier for me God doesn't want us to split up one flesh so he's given one of us a tie-breaking vote yes who not because I deserve it just out of his desire to create a visual aid for his relationship to the church I guess in any case the decision is mine and we've been praying and arguing about it or discussing it we got to bring this to an end for the sake of peace here's the decision and I don't want to hear any more about it we're going to stay here in Gloucester because that's best for you husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her Jesus didn't go to the cross because he had nothing better to do that day or because it served his interests he laid down his life his interests for the sake of his bride and by the way folks it isn't enough just to say it you know I've had some wives complain well what if my husband says you know he's prayed about it he's the spiritual head God told them you know we're wondering about how to spend our money that I want a living room set and he says no God has told me it's what we need to do is buy a Harley Davidson and this is really for you honey because it means I'll get home sooner and we can have a better marriage well you know we're all capable of infinite self deception but it's got to stand up to the scrutiny of God in the saints how we're holding one another accountable your marriage your leadership better look like self sacrifice or it isn't you better look like you're putting your wife's interests first or you'll be held accountable we're going to exhort one another every day as long as it's called today it's not just enough for you to say it so to make it so to put her interests first Chris system says do you want your wife to be submissive to you as the church is submissive to Christ and care deeply for her as Christ does for the church and if it should be needful that you would have to give your life for her or be cut to pieces a thousand times or endure anything whatsoever do not refuse it yes if you suffer in this way you still have not done what Christ did for you for you did this for one with whom you were already united in love but he did it for her who until then had only rejected him and hated him we love because he first loved us let us pray our father in heaven we ask that those of us who are husbands as we hear this word might take to heart this terrifying standard one that convicts us at every turn because we know we have not done this may it be the case that our leadership would never be exhibited in any other manner than that which is a reflection of Christ's love for the church that we would put the interests of our wife well ahead of our own we pray Lord for our marriages as a church that they would be in every way an adornment to the gospel because they point to your love for us in Jesus name amen