Singleness

All right, it's good to be here this morning with y'all, it's good to worship the Lord who's worthy, who's holy, who's majestic. He's deserving for us to come into worship together this morning. This morning I'm getting to preach on a topic that Scott gave me a couple of weeks ago, and it is a difficult topic you obviously can see the topic in your bulletin and have seen it for a couple of weeks, it's the topic of singleness. And when Scott gave it to me, I was like, man, come on, man, I'm 28 years old, I'm in the midst of being single, not married, greatly desired to be married at some point in the Lord's timing, and if he wills, and so this morning as I come to preach the Word, I come having as I've prepared to preach to myself over and over and over, and as I come this morning I need to preach it over and over to myself because the things I'm pointing to this morning are things that I honestly do not adhere to very well, I do not walk in very well. And so this morning I really need God's grace, I need God's grace, and if y'all, if grace is out there anywhere, I'd love to meet her after church, and we could talk, just kidding. But seriously, I want us to look, if it will work, I want us to see a little movie clip of a movie that is one of my favorite movies, it is a great love story, it's a book by Nicholas Sparks called The Notebook, and it depicts a love that we all look to, and our culture really looks to, and it kind of resonates with us, and so I want to look at this clip right here it's about a 52nd clip, so it's not going to be easy, it's going to be really hard, and we're going to have to work it this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day, will you do something for me? Please, you just picture your life for me, 30 years from now, 40 years from now, what does it look like? If it's with that guy, go, go, I lost you once, I think I could do it again, if I thought it's what you really want it, but don't you take the easy way out. What easy way? There is no easy way, no matter what I do, somebody gets hurt. Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants? Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want, what do you want? What do you want? It's not that simple. What? Do you want? What do you want? I mean, I want that, I mean I'm single, I want some of that, I want that passion, I want that love, I mean I look at that and I'm like, man, can the Lord give me some of that someday? I mean, seriously, I want that and the question that that asks, what do you want is the question that our culture tells us that needs to be answered. What do you want? It's all about us and I believe we as a culture have bought hook line and sinker into the lies and the myths of this Hollywood type of love, that it's about passion, it's about the zeal, this excitement all the time and I believe that we look to that and as single people we want that, we want the one, the one who we can live like that, we want the one we can experience those times with and we've bought into the lie that once we have that, as single people, once we reach marriage and it's like that, it's going to be grand all the time and married people are laughing right now because they know it's not true, it's just not but we watch movies, we listen to songs and we long for this type of love and we've bought into the lie because it's not that way, it's not always about that and I think the question that we need to ask this morning, whether your single and your 18, 25, 40, 60 years old, you've never been married, you've been divorced, your spouse is passed on, even for you that are married this morning because what I believe we're going to look at this morning as a deeper undergirding truth that can be applied to all future decisions and so one of my great concerns was preaching on singleness, well married people are going to be like, they're going to zone out, not listen, you're not single anymore, you married to my prayer and as the board would take us into its text and we would see a great truth that can be applied in all areas of our life and the question that needs to be asked and needs to be answered this morning in the midst of our pursuit, the single people as we pursue towards marriage or married people as you pursue towards your children's future or towards retirement, the question is what are we? What are you pursuing? What are we pursuing? We're going to see this morning as it in the pursuit often, we pursue the wrong thing, we pursue the wrong thing and so let me pray before we get into the text with me. Oh Lord, I need your word, I need your grace, I need your mercy to teach us to transform our hearts and so God would you and an amazing mysterious supernatural way use a center, a man who has feet of clay to print, now sin proclaim your word and would you teach us your people who have sinful hearts that air away from you would you draw us back until the gospel, until your word that we may be transformed and so Lord, may what we hear be applied in our lives and may it come in power because your spirit is with us. It's in Jesus' name we pray, amen. We're going to look at one verse in the book of Deuteronomy, it's in your bulletin and be up here on the screen, Deuteronomy is probably not the most worn out book in your Bible, you probably don't have a lot of things underline in the book of Deuteronomy, it's not, you know you haven't gotten deeply into the book of Deuteronomy but for you, those of you that don't know the book of Deuteronomy is the fifth book into the Bible, it's the last book of what is called the Pinotuch, it's after numbers and so if you have your Bible you can turn to Deuteronomy, we're going to look at chapter 29, one verse and chapter 29, verse 29, but before we look at this verse and before I read it, I want to give you a context of what's taking place in the book of Deuteronomy, the book of Deuteronomy Moses is the author and Moses is writing the second generation Israel, Moses has already led first generation, their parents, out of Egypt, out of bondage and he's carried them into the wilderness heading towards the promised land and the first generation Israel was unfaithful they were disobedient and now God has raised up second generation Israel and they are on the plains of Moab here, Moses is writing, they're on the plains of Moab looking to the promised land, the land flowing with milk and honey and here in chapter 29 Moses is in his third address to the people of Israel and he is reminding them of the covenant that they have entered into as the nation of Israel and he's reminding them that there is obedience to the covenant and with obedience comes blessing and there's disobedience and in disobedience comes curses and he's reminding them of these things because they're in the midst of being on the plains of Moab looking to the promised land and they are longing to be there, they're asking Moses, Moses, when are we going to get there? Moses, what's it going to be when's the time, what's it going to be like when we live together in the promised land and so that's the context as we read the last verse, verse 29 of chapter 29 this is the verse the secret things belong to the Lord our God but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever that we may follow all the words of this law that we may follow all the words of this law the first thing that I want to see this morning you see in your bulletin is that secrecy can allure our hearts away from God secrecy can allure our hearts away from God Israel on the plains of Moab longing to be in the promised land the Lord's promised that they would get there they're here and they're warning to know when's it going to happen what's it going to be like and Moses here says the secret things belong to the Lord our God what's he referring to the secret things Moses is saying the secret things the eternal sovereign will of God the things he has not let us know like the time the description the setting the place he has not let Israel know that he has let them know that they will get there but he has not let them know what it will be like and so for Moses to say this it's sort of a warning it's a warning to Israel because if you can remember an Exodus when God gave Israel the 10 commandments for Moses what was the first commandment that I shall have no other God before me that I shall have no other God before me and so Moses is saying here Israel be careful you're longing for the future you're longing for the time the place what it's going to look like is becoming exalted above me you're longing to be there is more than you're longing for me and we in our own lives as singles here this morning we're on in our own plane the lot the Lord is giving and we know that it is good because he is good and we are looking to that land the land that we think is flowing with milk and honey that's going to meet all of our needs we're longing to be married and we think once we get there man it's going to be great and we want to know the one we want to know where we're going to we want to know what type of job we'll have the places will travel and the Lord says to us this morning be careful be careful that you long for that more than you long for me more than you were longing for me and I can vividly remember being in a fourth grade and and this was the time for me when I began to like girls the opposite sex this I started to think about girls and I can remember my dad when I was a little put up a basketball goal when and I'd go in the basketball got in the backyard and shoot baskets all the time and fourth grade rolled around and there's this girl in my class named Lauren Turner and I mean she was from the country she had long blonde hair road horses she was beautiful and being my best friend Derek man both like Lauren Turner and I remember being in my backyard shooting baskets going all right if I make this shot I'm going to date Lauren Turner and I shoot it and then I can remember high school I had a girlfriend Kelly Roberts for two and a half years and no lie I'd be out back and y'all laugh because I've all done something like this I'd be like if I make this I'm going to marry Kelly and I shoot it I miss it okay two and a three and I come back and I shoot it again and you know now that I'm older and I think I'm more mature I don't shoot baskets but I I still kind of do the same thing I'll say well if she will ask these types of questions or if she's interested in these types of things then then I'll know it's the one I'll know if she you know and has this type of personality or dresses like this then I'll know it's the one and then I can deceive my own heart and we can spiritualize that we are longing for the secret things of God he's not revealed to us more than we are longing for him and I don't know how y'all do it it could be that you know you get around everybody and you talk about marriage as single people that we want that and that consumes our conversation it could be that as a single person you ask everybody what they think about the person you're going out with what do you think what do you think what do you think if everybody agrees and it's the one that that's what we think me and my roommate he's going to hate me for saying this but we this is kind of funny we will go to eat at P.F. Chang on some Friday nights and we kind of have a just a joke it's fun and we'll get our fortune cookie and for fun we will say say the fortune and add with so and so with this girl with whoever and so I'll open up my forge cookie I'll enjoy a long life with so and so and we're like all right it's like it's kind of fun and but what we're doing is going okay God give me the sick I want to know I want to know what it's going to look like I want to know who it's going to be with and we need to be careful we need to be careful that the secret things of God the things he's not revealed to us do not allure our hearts away from God now married people it could be with your children you know what what are what are our children are going to look but what school should they go to or well how much money we're going to have when we retire or what's this going to look like all future decisions can consume and those things you can begin to bow down to more than you bow down to the one who's in control and so we need to be aware that secrecy can allure our hearts away from God second thing that we see here in this verse is that revelation has been given from God revelation has been given from God look at what Moses says he says the secret things belong to the Lord are God but the things revealed belong to us into our children forever he says but the things revealed belong to us into our children forever they're longing to be in the promised land they want to know what it's going to be like and he says the time that's setting the place has not been revealed but in contrast to there has been a revelation that that God has revealed himself to you and to your children now what's Moses talking about here he is referring them back to ex this 20 to the 10 commandments that God gave Israel to live in the context of this covenant relationship that they're to walk and to commands and the promises of the covenant he's revealed that to them and so most of the saying Israel you're pursuing the secret things the eternal will but I have revealed myself to you right now to walk in my ways and my counsel in my promises in my commands I've revealed this to you and so for us as single people we want to know what it's going to be like we want to know when it's going to happen I mean I do I do but God says we don't not we don't know when it's going to happen we don't know who's it going to be with or where it will take place but we do know something he has revealed himself to us how how's he revealed himself to us whose word is giving us his word and he's revealed himself completely to us those words now in particular how has he revealed himself to us in the context of singleness I want to talk about three aspects of the way in which God has revealed himself to us in this pursuit of marriage and the pursuing towards that three things that if you could envision kind of a triangle that they all work together all three are working together they're not separate they're together and the three aspects that I want to talk about are traits circumstances and affections traits circumstances and affections I want to talk first about affections what I mean by that well scripture if you've ever read the book of song of songs you can you know that it's a very vivid portrayal of a man and a woman on their pursuit towards marriage and it is a passionate portrayal song of songs chapter two verse seven says do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires theirs and arouse there is a passion that is there the whole book depicts this the first verse of song of song says the woman about the man says your kiss is more delightful than wine I mean there is this passion there is this type of love that we saw in this movie this should be there this should be there now I don't want to camp here because I believe all of us the majority of us in here probably camp in that area we we tend to isolate and take affections and go that's what it's all about and we pull it away and that's not the case it's there but the second thing is circumstances circumstances and what I mean by circumstances is looking at the community that you're in seeking godly counsel proverbs 15 22 it says the plans the man who seeks counsel his plans will succeed it is seeking counsel it is looking at your circumstances to go what is the wise decision for me here so circumstances is involved as well and scripture shows that and then thirdly the thing the scripture reveals about this pursuit towards marriage are traits and what I mean by traits is what traits the spouse your pursuit has and what traits a godly marriage is all about scripture reveals these things you're probably familiar with proverbs 31 verse 3 3 talking about a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised a woman with a gentle and quiet spirit it shows us men the godly traits that we are to look for in a woman and in scripture shows women what the godly traits and a man are to look like Psalm 15 a man who walks uprightly in a righteous and blameless before the Lord first Timothy Titus the man who self-controlled the fruits of the spirit being born in his life these things are godly traits that we are to look at someone and go that's what scripture calls us to pursue and marriage it reveals that as well you know we tend to buy in especially the single people that married is all about making me happy it's all about making me happy and scripture nowhere says that affections are there yes happiness and joy are there but scripture says that the three things of the purposes of marriage I don't know this from experience I know from what scripture says says Genesis 2.18 a god created Eve as a help mate for Adam is so that man and woman can be a mutual helper to one another and the second thing that marriage purposes is Malacatuth they think God says the purpose is that godly children would be born and the kingdom of God would grow through children and then the third thing that scripture reveals is 1 Corinthians 7 Paul says that if you cannot control your passions and your lust and it's better to get married than the burn with desire it's to prevent immorality and so scripture reveals those things and yes affections and passions are involved and so the war reveals godly traits of what the spouse is supposed to look like godly traits of a marriage tells us to look at our circumstances and it also tells us to listen to our heart and our affections but not to camp there all three are working together they go to you can't isolate them now as I talk about that you probably are sitting there and you can think well I lean one way more than the other and all of us in this room lean one way more than the other in those three areas if you are here and you lean more towards affections this morning which is the majority of us here you may say something like this when you are pursuing someone or looking towards marriage yep I just want to feel it I just don't feel it or I want this piece I want a piece about it or she just doesn't meet me here or he just doesn't do this for me you may lean a little bit too much toward affection and so as you lean to affection you need to remind yourself of the godly traits the scripture reveals and you need to remind yourself of what circumstances look like and what godly community is telling you around you and so you may need to preach those two things to you if you're here this morning and you may lean too much towards circumstances and this is you if you're waiting for it to be perfect if you're waiting for you to have the money for for you to have everything in line and this may be you if you are asking everybody around you what they think before you'll move anywhere this may be you if you say something like well I can't pursue until I'll become more like Christ as if God needs you to be more like Christ before you move anywhere and really what it is is it's a fear to step out because we are focused in on this one area way too much and so you may need to preach traits and affections to your heart now there may be some of y'all here tonight that lean too much towards traits and that would be you if you're like the Bible says this I'm going to do this and you're like so rigid that there is no affection there's no passion there's nothing involved in your life and the way in which you approach something and for us singles as we approach marriage and you may need to preach circumstances and affections to your heart you know John Calvin says that we need to be a student of ourself and a student of God and you hear this morning no better than anyone else the very tendency of your own heart and God has revealed himself to us in his word so as you know yourself and you know which way you lean you study his word you preach to your heart the ways in which you're not lean and you draw yourself back to the ways in which God calls us to walk in so secrecy can allure hearts away from God secondly revelation has been given from God the third thing that we're going to see here in this the last part of the verse is that obedience is the call from God look at the last part of the verse he says the secret things belong to the Lord our God but the things revealed belong to us and to our children that this is the purpose we may follow all the words of this law that we may follow all of the words of all most of the saying you're longing for this I reveal God's revealed himself to you therefore walk in pursue the things that God has revealed to you and for us single people I wish there was a magic bullet the silver bullet for us to know this is when we're going to know it's going to be like this she's going to be like this he's going to be like this and and you know that's what we want I mean because you can go if churches are talking about dating relationships or if you go in a ministry I was in campus ministry for years you talk about dating you pack the house I mean everybody's coming out for it because everybody wants to know but what do I need to look for what when when when am I going to know I mean and we don't we just don't it's the secret things of God that he is not revealed to us but he has revealed himself in his word to us and he promises that when we walk in his ways we take steps trusting him he will reveal his eternal will the thing we're longing for he will reveal that to us the saying Augustine says you want to know God's will you want to know God's will love God love God what does John say they will know that you love me if you obey my command so if we love God walk in his ways pursue him then God's eternal will will begin to be revealed as we step out and we trust as we step out and we trust you know I started by showing you that clip from the notebook of this just incredible passion love that we all want and we've bought into that's what it's all about I want to tell you another story of another marriage y'all maybe familiar probably are with the name Thomas Jackson Thomas Stonewall Jackson who was a commander in a general in the southern army in the civil war and he was an incredible leader a man who had incredible command of his troops and strategy military strategy he was known also for his incredible godly character and the moral miss of his character but the thing that is not known much about Stonewall Jackson is what his marriages were about and I say marriages because he was married twice his first wife died his name was Eleanor died in 1854 giving birth to their child and Stonewall Jackson being a man who pursued the Lord and was about doing his will on the battlefield about doing the will on the home was heartbroken distraught and for two plus years he mourned he didn't know what to do he thought it was over his spouse had died and there's nothing else to live for and so two plus years went by and he started talking to his pastor who was a presbyterian pastor and he he started talking to him and the pastor told Stonewall it is okay to marry again it's okay and it's good to marry again and this kind of brought Stonewall Jackson to new hopes a new life and he said okay it's good to marry again and so knowing what the word says to look for in a wife and knowing his circumstances that he wanted to be married to have a companion to walk through life with to bring the kingdom of God came across Mary Anna who was the daughter of a presbyterian minister he saw her and saw that she was a woman of godly character he knew he wanted to be married and he said I'm gonna pursue her and in a short time he married Mary Anna he focused on traits and then circumstances affections were there a little bit but he didn't know her too well but as they grew in their marriage his affections for her were overwhelming y'all might have read a book that she produced years after he died called beloved bride and it spoke of Stonewall Jackson's incredible love for Mary Anna he would write these letters to Mary Anna and he would entitle him beloved esposa beloved esposa beloved bride and he would say along to be back with you to be in your arms to be with you is to be better than on this battlefield and Mary Anna would say years after that the love of Stonewall Jackson reached the deepest parts of her heart there's a difference between the notebook and that type of love the notebook type of love that there are affections that reach the deepest parts of our soul that is true but the notebook type of love the love that we think it's all about is what God has has us right now in the highest divorce rate ever it's what has us right now with the most single people ever we're waiting for that time when it's all about affections and we're scared to move rather we're going to look and go okay this is what a godly person looks like circumstances like and affections are there but they'll also come and you have an incredible marriage as a result that's what the word got telling us and so for us the god has revealed himself to us in his word but we've bought into the line our culture that we want to know we want to know when it's going to happen who it is when it takes place and we don't know that but what we do know and Scott mentioned this earlier is that Christ is the great bridegroom Christ is the great bridegroom who pursues us in the midst of our pursuit towards marriage toward the future the bridegroom pursues us and he will not let go of us in his faith from us until our traits reflect Jesus Christ until we trust him that the lines for us have fallen in pleasant places until we see that our circumstances are good and until he lays hold of all of our affections until there's a passion with Jesus Christ and so that Lord Jesus Christ pursues us and wants to lay hold of all of us we know that he's the great bridegroom we know also he is the Lord and if you're single whatever stage of life you're in sometimes it's hard to go he's good but he is good to us he rules and owns our life and no good thing does he withhold from those who trust him no good thing does he withhold and maybe hard to believe there for you as married people as well you may be in a hard marriage you may be in hard circumstances circumstances with job or finances he is good he is Lord and he rules and owns our life and we can trust him we can trust him in all circumstances in all of our pursuits and for us single people pursuing towards marriage secrecy can allure hearts revelation has been given from God and obedience is the call from God and my prayer is that for us as single people in the pursuit of marriage for you is married people in your pursuit of your children's future and your retirement or wherever it may be that you're thinking about moving is that we would see that the Lord our God has rebuilt himself to us and he is good and he is pursuing us and as a result of him pursuing us and laying hold of us we can then in return pursue him and walk in his ways and trust that in his time he will reveal his eternal world to us