Good morning So glad that you're able to make it this morning despite the the weather my wife and I asked you trying to Get used to the snow every Sunday morning or any other time I must admit this morning the past that we're looking at is Something I have to confess is a personal struggle for me and It's something that I find really difficult to do so I'm not sure and I don't know about you But I hope the Lord is gonna bless all of us together as we look at this passage If you're able would you please stand as we honor the reading of God's Word From Proverbs chapter 27 verses 5 and 6 The word says better is open rebuke than hidden love Faithful are the wounds of a friend For a few so some will say deceitful are the kisses of an enemy Father may you open our hearts this morning as we come before you to hear your words spoken to us Would you help us to understand it and And believe it and having believed it would you Lord help us to obey it? We pray all this in your name Man, you may be seated. I Remember when I was in seminary my mentor who had known me since I was 18 years old Was one time asked to write a letter to my former home church back in Kenya and the letter was simply to go through the Presbyterian Presbyterian church in Kenya and It was about a man a pastor who had fallen morally he had committed a moral sin The Presbyterian in Kenya had granted him time to think through what he had done and repent of his sin and then they gave him What they called discipline But my my friend the the man that I knew had refused to accept the discipline that was given to him by the Presbyterian He was having a hard time repenting of his moral failure and so my friend was asked to Write down the letter to encourage him to see if you would actually listen to the wise Council of another brother from another country maybe and so my friend shared his thoughts with me on this letter because I was aware of what was going on At the heart of the letter my friend my mentor wrote a really farm letter calling my The former pastor to repentance He asked him to recognize his sin and what he had done and to be able to allow his brethren to let him Come back and be restored by accepting the sin that he had committed But what struck me most about the letter that my friend wrote was his heart His humility and his willingness to be vulnerable to this airing brother He basically said to him look this could be very well be me I Might be the one committing that particular sin Could have well be me. I am not writing this letter to condemn you or to judge you Because I recognize myself to be a sinner saved by grace just like you are I am only doing this as a fellow brother in Christ And then he said something that I think we ought to listen to this morning and even for most our passage He said I am only doing that which I would hope that my brethren would do to me if I was to fall in sin What a loving way To speak such a hard true To one who had committed sin what a loving way Now, maybe you're sitting here. Maybe you know someone who has wronged you Maybe you know someone who has offended you in some way Maybe you know someone who is committing sin who is not living right? Maybe you are the person that has offended someone else. Maybe you're the person who is not living right Would you be able to correct or rebuild or reprove someone who has wronged you or someone who is sitting against you or someone is Against sinning against God. Would you be willing to accept Rebuke from your brother from your sister from your church when you sin That's the place I want us to begin this morning by looking at this verse five Listen to what the author of he or probably says better is open Rebuke than hidden love the wise King begins by telling us that it is better to Rebuke someone than to hide your love from them then rebuke here. Obviously as we all know is not referring to Correcting someone because of something that they're not in control of Rebuke is referring to an offense to a fault to a sin It's not correcting or rebuking someone because of the way they wear their hair or because of their height or because of their skin color Or because of something else that they have no in control of Correction or reprove has to do with sin. It has to do with confronting those who Offenders confronting those who are not living right and wanting to restore them to a right relationship with themselves With others and with God. So how do we do this? I think looking at these two problems we recognize or we realize the the the common Expectation that we would we would see for us to rebuke people, but we also see the irony in here I think there's a some sort of a contrast in verse five if you look at it at it plainly There's a wit. There's there's a cleverness in this passage that talks about and it makes us think what why is open Rebuke better than hidden love. Why is open Rebuke and what is this open Rebuke? What is this hidden love all about? I think we might be right to say that the hidden love is really not love at all because it does the loved one no good In fact, it does the loved one more damage than good. So it's it's not profitable It is it is not love open Rebuke however is referring to speaking the truth plainly being able to to be direct to be open without fear Hidden love on the other hand is what conceals Does not tell the friend their fault does not see the sin in their friend Now I think the answer To the how and why we ought to speak the truth in love to those that we love or to our friends or to one another Is by recognizing that there is two ingredients in this passage that we cannot miss To ingredients that have to work together for us to have a good relationship with one another And that's the ingredient of truth of truth and of love So where do we turn to when we talk about truth when you talk about God? Is there any other any other place that we can go to other than to go to God himself? Scripture tells us that God is love that he is truth that God has revealed the truth to us through his word And what is that truth? It's the truth of who God is it is the truth of who we are that you and I are sinners saved by grace And that the the reason why God reviews that truth to us the reason why God reviews the truth of Scripture is so that we may have a relationship with him He does this out of his love for you and I God reveals himself out of his love for you and I And he models for us what a true friendship ought to look like he models for us what true love looks like of course our friendship with God is not the same as our friendship With one another the last sermon. I think that we that was preached by pastor Dan was talking about Friendship which chapter 27 is really all about friendship But we talked more about this vertical relationship today. We're talking more of this relationship But this cannot happen without this and this cannot happen without the vertical right our Relationship with God is different because God is the creator and we are the creator God is our Lord He's our king But he still calls us his friends But this is where we start right That truth that God reviews about you and who you are That's where you ought to start if you're gonna ask the question of how and why I ought to speak the truth to my brother To my sister. Why do I say that because you recognize that like my friend mentor who wrote the letter That I am a sinner just like my airing brother. I do not stand in a place of judgment or condemnation. I Leave that to the Lord And related to this fact is something that's even more important That yes, I am made in God's image and look your brother and your sister who sins is also made in God's image So treat them with care and gentleness love them as you Rebuke them treat them as you would want them to treat you because you know what Today might be their time sinning and offending you Tomorrow could very well be you sinning against them and that truth really ought to Set you and I free shouldn't it? The truth should set me free to be able to Speak openly to tell others to tell my friends when they have sinned against Me against others and God But I do not come at it because I think I'm better than they are I am no better than The one who offends me than the one who sins against me But I do it out of love I do it out of love for them. I Love the way the author of Hebrews puts it as he encourages to exhort one another listen to the words in Hebrews 313 but exhort one another every day as long as it is called today That none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of Sin and obviously we cannot ignore the one passage that we all know Matthew chapter 1815 and Following which describes for us the steps that we ought to take when someone sins against you Others and God We're not going to go into details obviously, but there's one thing that we cannot miss you to point out That the author that in the gospel is in Matthew 18 that we're being told that if something is committed in private keep it that way You know go making what is committed in private? Public because that's not rebuilding someone if you do that. We know what's that called right? We talked about it several weeks ago That is Say it We are called to practice wisdom and discernment to know how to say those very hard things In a tactical manner see friends our call is not to antagonize one another. It's not to patronize one another when someone sins against you It is Making sure that you shine the light on that particular sin and not attacking the character of your friend. That's not your job To attack someone's character It requires prayer If you're going to tell someone that they've sinned against you others or God if you're going to correct and Reprove someone you better pray about it you better pray about it And the purpose for this is we all know Matthew again 18 tells us And if you make them come back and repent their sin you have gained your brother or your sister The goal and the purpose is that they may be restored. They may be reconciled back to God We are knowing friendships in relationships within marriage Dating or just me a friendship so being here at church It's inevitable that I'm going to offend you. It's inevitable that you're going to offend me It will happen conflict will happen and so we have to be careful how we correct one another because we have to realize that today You might be correcting someone else, but tomorrow you could be the one being corrected And so the hidden love here. He's really a disguise. It's not love. It's much worse We're not loving others when we shy away when we fear when we are not willing to tell them the truth But open rebuke, however There's not fear It dares to correct what is wrong and so we may ask why why do we hold back? Why is it so hard for us to hold back the truth from from those we love? Why are we so afraid of speaking the truth in love? I think we all know it It's fear, isn't it? We are just so afraid of speaking the truth to one another. What are we afraid of? We're afraid that we're going to lose our friends. We're going to lose people and you tell them the truth We're afraid they're going to be angry at us. We're afraid that they're going to resent us We're afraid of what they will think when we tell them the truth that they will think that we're judging them. We're condemning them We are so insecure in ourselves that We don't want to speak the truth to one another But I think even more We are so afraid because our very conscience condemns us We are so afraid because we ourselves are not living right Especially when you're correcting someone because of something you know that you struggle with Sometimes it becomes very hard For us to correct someone if we know we're living or we're not living right So we feel like we're acting hypocritically because how can I correct my brother when I'm not living right? So the warning for us here to really look take a good look at ourselves Be able to watch out for that log in your eye before you call out the Spec in your brother and your sisters are I like what Paul says in Ephesians 415 and 16 Rather speaking the truth in love we're to grow up in every way into him with the head into Christ From whom the whole body joined and held together by every joint With which it is equipped when each part is working properly Makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love See we correct one another in gentleness with care with love Because it truly is the way of love if you want to show someone you love them today Then you go say the hard things to them and if they want to show you that they love you they will do the same We speak the truth in love because we love our friends because we love one another We also realize that reading our past is this morning that sometimes Telling the truth Maybe hurtful It might wound someone Listen to what the wise King says in verses 6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend Profused are the kisses of an enemy now Growing up as a child that was I was a troublemaker. I know it's hard for you to believe that I was a troublemaker But I really was a big-time troublemaker And I really gave my my parents a grief I really did especially my mother because she was the one who was the disciplinarian I Used to fight with my siblings. I would punch them in the face and just do all kinds of things I was disobedient. I would never listen to anything my mother told me to do I was lazy very lazy I hated school. I mean I would need to be forced every morning to wake up to go to school I could go on and on just anything you can imagine that a kid can do that was wrong. I did it all and My mother had a really hard time with me so my mom tried all kinds of discipline and nothing else worked There's one thing that I would heed to there's one thing I listened to and it was my mom spanking Now a disclaimer here. I'm not really advocating for any form of discipline against the other but I'm just trying to drive a point home here But my mom would spank me every day and that's not an exaggeration because that's just how bad I was And it was painful. I really hated it But it was the only it was the only way I could listen to you And I think my mom was watching the path that I was taking and she recognized that I was taking the wrong path That I was going to lead into a very destructive manner and instead of my mom letting me go into my own Rebellious ways she decided to do something about it She decided to rebuild me to correct me so that I would be the man that got a God wanted me to be Now I could tell you that my mom's spanking, you know, was to me at that time felt very harsh It's all very harmful I felt it was undeserved at some points At times that resented my mother I was angry at her But now I look back and I see Those spanking and not just the spanking, but her wise counsel Has really made me the the man I am today as I stand before you what a blessing she was to me Now you see my mom was disciplining me as a parent But I think the principal is almost the same as we apply in a friendship or in a relationship I'm stating of course, I'm not saying you go spanking people because they've sinned against you You don't want that to happen But sometimes saying the hard things to others can be difficult can be harmful Others might resent you They might be angry at you when you tell them the truth But the author of this passage tells us that But that pain is better than the kisses of an enemy Now we might be wondering what this kisses of an enemy mean I think there's two great examples of kisses of an enemy in scripture that our worth I've been looking at and considering The one is very obvious. We know it from the New Testament, but the other you probably might know it, but it might be a little subtle There's a story in the book of 2nd Samuel chapter 20 verses 9 and 10 It's a story of the worthless man by the name Shiba who was trying to really turn You know the kingdom away by his his words and so date King David sends his servant Joab and Asked him to go and pursue this man and finish him off before he destroys the kingdom and so Joab takes off with his man and pursues Shiba and that when he gets to the gate I'm Imagining that Amasa the man that he faces was guarding Shiba meets him at the gate and this is what happens in 2nd Samuel 20 9 and 10 and Joab said to Amasa It is well with you my brother and Joab took Amasa by the beard with his right hand to kiss him But Amasa did not observe the sword that was in Joab's hand So Joab struck him with it in the stomach and spilled his entrails to the ground without striking a second blow And he died now that's the kiss of an enemy Amasa never saw it coming and of course we know the story of Judas With his kiss or betrayal sometimes Sometimes that kiss can mean death But I think in our passage this morning As much as those stories have correlation with what we're talking about I think even more it's referring to someone who is so quick To give you a compliment especially When you are not right especially compliments on your faults Compliments on your sins someone who just encourages you just for the sake of it Without recognizing what you're doing And sometimes we don't see that those accolades will not benefit you in any way in fact They will hurt you more than momentary pain that the friend or than the the rebuke of a friend may cause you it really is A compliment in disguise. It's a disguised compliment an enemy is lavish with the kisses to hide his hatred
And I think Solomon is warning us here to be very careful not to be caressed and flattered by Those compliments of an enemy. Don't be deluded instead trust a Rebuke that comes from a friend See because when we hold back the truth from those we love when we hold back Speaking or saying the hard things from those we love we're really not loving them In fact, you are being an enemy to them by not telling them the truth I love what Seneca the great Roman Stoic philosopher once said he said I love not my friend If I offend if I do not offend them. I love not my friend if I do not offend them That's a powerful statement And so sometimes when we rebuke others when we tell them and show them the truth It hurts It's a painful thing But we are being faithful to them if we do so Like the way Matthew Henry puts it in his commentary as he comments on this passage he says It's like a doctor's job is to cure a patient It is not to please his palate Remember taking those hard really bitter pills from malaria. I mean back in Kenya. They were so bitter But who who cares how they taste if they're going to heal you Might be hard. It might be want to throw up when you take that medication But it's good for you because it's going to heal you So fearing to offend others because it might hurt them Is more hurtful in the long run It's tough love, isn't it? Loving someone and caring for them so much that you care for their very own soul That you would not want to see them perish My wife the other day sent me a quote She had no idea what She wasn't sending me the quote because she thought it would actually line up with the message But she just thought it was something to think about And the moment she sent it to me I thought to myself oh goodness This is really communicates what we're talking about And especially a lie that spread out there in the world that sometimes we do listen to Here's how the quote goes If a man is forced to choose between the truth and his father Only a fool chooses the truth If a man is forced to choose between the truth and his father Only a fool chooses the truth
What a lie from the pit of hell But what a beautiful thing when we choose to do the opposite of just that Choosing the truth of God What a great demonstration of how God loves us And how do we know how God loves us God loves you and I that he gave That he gave himself to us that he gave is only son Jesus Christ who died on the cross for you and for me It was a difficult thing. It wasn't a fun thing for the father to be separated from his son Jesus Christ and Jesus himself having to suffer be in pain on the cross for you and for me for you sins and my sins Your and my transgressions nail them on that cruel tree His momentary pain and suffering was for you to be reconciled with the father And just how much of a wonderful thing that his love continues To us now we don't just remember that he gave that he died on the cross that we remember that he's working in our lives Now through sanctification through the process of making us more and more holy Saying more to sin saying no to sin and more to righteousness and you all know it because we've gone through it If you'll believe that you're going through it right now Is it a fun process? No, it's a painful process It's a process of us becoming more Christ-like and it's a painful one It's a long one and it's not gonna end until Christ comes back again So when you love others when you love your friends when you love your church When you love all your community You are willing to make that sacrifice To say the hard things in love and that sacrifice might be losing a friend It might be offending them He might just be being yelled at Maybe maybe being punched But we are demonstrating God's love to them They will resent us. They might be angry at us But that's okay Because our hope is that they will recognize their sin and they will come back to Christ in repentance And in the same way when we are the ones who are on the other side when we are the ones offending Then we better hope and pray that our prayer will be like as we said this morning from Psalm 141 Let a righteous man strike me It is a kindness let him rebuke me It is oil for my head Let my head not refuse it
You're called to show love to one another by speaking the hard truth to them And that hard truth sometimes may
What is it this morning that's gonna make us leave this room And go out there and be able to love one another Have the freedom to say those hard things Have the freedom to say the truth In love what is it? What is it that will make us be able to do that? I cannot think of anything else other than the gospel of Jesus Christ I cannot think of anything else that sets me free that sets you free So that you have no reason to fear you have no reason to be offended when someone points out your sin You have no reason to be angry or to be ashamed you have no reason to defend yourself because you are sinful Because your sin has been exposed In fact the best thing that could happen to you this morning is if your sin was exposed on the five o'clock news And everything was laid bare because you know what it's already happened Because of what Christ has done Instead the pain and the wounds and the scars that are caused by us knowing just how sinful and how broken we are Or to help us and to make us to gaze upon the scars of the one who's taken upon our sins and nailed them on the cross Now that is the good news and it should not make you fret it should not make you fear It should not make you feel ashamed when someone points out sin that you have committed It is better to offend someone that to let them perish in hell forever It is better for you to be offended Than to face eternal condemnation the momentry pain and the wounds that you might experience because someone has pointed out your sin They are nothing. They are absolutely nothing compared to the glorious riches that you will find in Christ alone So when someone tells you the truth in love accepted Don't be offended by it because they are showing you love So go and show love to your friends It is better to lose them and for them to lose their very soul
Father may you help us this morning to heed the call to love one another To love one another by speaking the truth to them Thank you for your word for your gospel that really sets us free that we have nothing to hide We have nothing to Um hide from our our lives because you have exposed our sin and you know just how sinful we are Help us to accept your correction and the correction of others We pray this in the name of the Father Love the Son of the Holy Spirit Amen