Thank you for listening to this audio production of Willow Creek Presbyterian Church in Winter Springs, Florida. We exist to glorify God by declaring and demonstrating the power of the gospel, inviting people to discover and deepen their relationship with Jesus. Our culture communicates so many pressures and puts so many pressures on people this time of year. Part of me hates playing into it, and part of me, quite frankly, feels defensive over those who feel the pressure to play into it. Get a valentine, prove your love, be romantic, spend a lot of money on jewelry and flowers, eat chocolate. That one I don't mind. I don't mind any pressure to eat chocolate. Feel free to pressure me in that way anytime you'd like. The truth is, these messages aren't necessarily bad. They're oftentimes quite good. They just become bad when they become the conditions of our relationships. When they reduce the expression of otherwise loving relationships to exercises in consumerism and conditionality, I'm actually scheduled to officiate a couple of weddings this year, and I'm very excited for it. I hope that there will be even more weddings to officiate this year. I enjoy that aspect of pastoral ministry very much. I love baptisms, like we had just a moment ago. I love officiating weddings, especially the more traditional ones, because deep down I am what I like to call a warm traditionalist. I'm not really into cold, dead orthodoxy. I don't like tradition for traditions sake, but I love traditions because they point us beyond ourselves to realities far greater than ourselves and anchor us in history, not just in the moment. I would preach in an old school robe every Sunday if it were completely up to me. I love historic creeds, I love confessions, I love hymns. When it comes to theology, I oftentimes say I don't want to have any original thoughts. When it comes to theology, I only want to understand what the church has faithfully proclaimed over the centuries, Christian orthodoxy, historic Christian orthodoxy warms my heart. And so when a couple tells me that they want to write their own vows for a service that I officiate, I'm open to it. Some of you have made that request. Can we write our own vows? And I've been open to it to a point because I love to hear what you have to say to one another. In as much as those vows elaborate on the godly promises Christians have made to one another in marriages down throughout the centuries, as long as they're in keeping with the scriptures they can be quite beautiful. And some of you have done that wonderfully. If however a couple wants to divorce themselves from Christian marriage and history, that troubles me. And here's why. Because left to our own devices and imaginations, if we were to craft our own wedding vows, we would be so tempted and often are tempted to leave out the things that are unpleasant. We wouldn't want to talk about the possibility of sorrow. We wouldn't want to talk about the inevitability of sickness. We wouldn't want to talk about the chance that we might end up as a couple in want. Couples oftentimes tend to profess what they like about the other person. I love your sense of humor, the way you take me to Chick-fil-A on Valentine's Day and so on. But they tend to avoid themes of permanence and sacrifice. But historic orthodox vows compel us to consider things that we might otherwise want to avoid. Uncomfortable truths that marriage is not only for health, but also for sickness. Not only for times of plenty, but also for times of want, not only for seasons of joy, but dark valleys of sorrow, and that these profound commitments are not only for now, but for as long as we both shall live, as long as it depends upon us. Historic orthodox vows say in so many words that I don't care what happens or doesn't happen. What helps us along the way or what stands in the way. After for ten millennia or for ten minutes, I not only want to be with you, I must be with you. And that is so vitally important. This morning, with that in mind, I want to share with you that it's the kind of love that the Greeks sought to encapsulate with the word Eros. And I want to share with you that as we as Christians come to the concept that lay behind that word, what we are saying is that we will never love one another as well as we could until we understand and deeply believe the great love that God has for us. This morning, I want to share with you a simple truth that people loved by God, people who know they are loved by God, to the degree they know and embrace the love of God. They will be better even the best of lovers. So what does Eros, what did the Greeks mean by this third word for love? Well they meant by it an all demanding and needing love. Of course when we hear the word Eros, we probably sense correctly that it provides the root for our English word sex, erotic rather. However, let's be clear on this, Eros isn't about sex. It should not be equated with sex. It might find sexual expression, but should never be equated with or reduced to mere sexuality. Eros is so much more than that. It can involve sex, find sexual expression, but ultimately transcends it. The word Eros is expansive and deeper than that word. So what is the call of Eros? If it's not simply that, it's the call to communion and completion. What Eros really desires is a deeper romance, one not just of the flesh, but at the very level of a soul, one of profound communion and completion. It wants to know and to be known. C.S. Lewis wrote a famous book, some of you may have read before, on the four loves, Eros being one of them. He describes the uninterrupted communion, the longing for that of Eros this way. He says very often when it comes, what comes first is simply a delightful preoccupation with the beloved, a general unspecified preoccupation with her in her totality. C.S. Lewis is describing the process of falling into romantic love, Eros. A man in the state really hasn't leisure to think of sex. He's too busy thinking of a person. The fact that she's a woman is far less important, listen carefully than the fact that she is herself. Eros is not after what someone may do for us. Eros is after the reality of who that person truly is, the self. He is full of desire, but the desire may not be sexually toned. If you asked him what he wanted, the true reply would often be to go on thinking of her. The desire to be known and to know, to find in a soul communion and in some semblance of a work toward completion and wholeness, this is the restless desire of Eros. In other words, Eros is all demanding. It's a needful desire to be with the one beloved and once with them in ever widening expanses and ever deepening depths of fellowship, it's ultimately an insatiable thirst and hunger for communion to really know someone and to enjoy a deep fellowship with them. It's in this communion that one finds or believes he or she will find completion. And for that reason Lewis continued, he said, even when it becomes clear beyond all evasion that marriage with the beloved cannot possibly lead to happiness, in other words, even when the relationship does not seem to become a vehicle to temporal happiness. Even though it doesn't become the means to material wealth or health and prosperity, even when it's obvious that it won't save us from those threats, when it can't even profess to offer any other life than that of tending an incurable invalid of hopeless poverty of exile or of disgrace. Listen, Eros never hesitates to say, better this than parting, better to be miserable with her than happy without her, let our hearts break, provided they break together. Eros is describing a love that knows no circumstance. To be apart from the beloved is to be in some semblance broken, to lack wholeness, to lack completeness. Now many of you remember what it was like when you first felt that tinge of romantic love, the desire to be with that person, to be known by them. And maybe it was misapplied at first, maybe it didn't find its true home, but that desire in that drive was there and you understand what was meant by that word. Interestingly enough, the New Testament doesn't use this Greek word, at least literally. Even so we see it conceptually all throughout scripture. I may encourage you to remember back in the opening pages of the human story in the book of Genesis, God created a thoroughly good creation. Over every act of creation, over every day of creation, God pronounced it good. He said this is good, the stars in the sky, good, the sand on the seashore, the land he made good, the birds in the air, the fishes in the sea, the animals on the land, all of these good. And then he created on the sixth day a capstone creation, a pinnacle, a man created in his image and God pronounced him good, but even as God pronounced him good, he noticed something in him or rather lacking in him that was not good. The first thing that God said was not good in all creation was that man should be alone. And so God created for Adam a helper out of his own side. And you can imagine when Adam opened his eyes and looked into the eyes of Eve and found for himself a helper suitable that what welled up within his heart is what we described this morning as eros. The hunger to know and to be known, Adam rejoiced at the creation of Eve because he found in her something that moved him toward completion. And likewise Eve found in Adam something that moved her toward completion. This communion, this completion was and remains the ideal, not human marriage the ideal, but the broader ideal of our communion with God to which human marriage points. I want to give you, if you're a reader, to recommendations this morning. One is a book called Co-Laborers and Co-Ares. In fact two people, part of the Willow Creek Church family had a big hand in writing this book. One is Dr. Greg Perry of Third Millennium Ministries who often times worships with us when he's not traveling the globe to equip global pastors. The other is Sarah Wright. You probably know Sarah from Children's Ministry and Women's Ministry and other involvements here at the Church over the years. She and her husband Lee are involved in campus ministry at UCF. Also I want to recommend to you a book by Elise Fitzpatrick, our friend who's come to visit us before and her friend Eric Schumacher. It's called Worthy, both books excellent, both describing in great detail the communion and completeness that God has for us as we come together. Although we might look at so many other places to find expression of this kind of love and scripture, it was to the song of Solomon that I was drawn a while ago when I came across another sermon that was wonderfully written on some of the same themes. If you know anything of this book, you know that it describes two young lovers. Most think of it as a type. It is a standard, a description of God's ultimate love for his people and the response of love birthed within their hearts toward him when they truly understand that he is the lover and ultimate romancer of their souls. I want you to listen again to a Pastor Drew Red that's scandalous invitation we find in the song of Solomon, chapter 5 verse 1. He invites us friends drink and be drunk with love. It's not often that a preacher says to get plastered, but here he does. Against the fruits of God's spirit, Paul writes in Galatians chapter 5, there is no law. There's no restriction. We can't out love the love of God, and so the writer of the song of Solomon encourages us to drink deeply, to imbibe liberally of this love, to offer and imbibe true love in excess without reservation, without inhibitions. Love is to be the mark of God's people, and that's why this might be the first sermon you've ever heard preached on the song of Solomon, because the description of in this book of these two lovers and their love for one another is in many ways quite awkward, something we don't expect to hear in church. In Solomon, or song of Solomon, chapter 1, we read, my beloved is to me a sachet of mure that lies between my breasts. My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms in the vineyards of Ngeti. In chapter 2 verses 3 through 5 is an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. With great delight I sat in his shadow and his fruit was sweet to my taste. He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love, sustained me with raisins, refreshed me with apples, for I am sick with love. Shall I continue, or is this sufficiently awkward? Yes, thank you, Justin. Justin blurted out awkward, I am in complete agreement. I won't continue for fear that you'll never look at apples and raisins the same again. But let's consider what the writer of this book meant. When he was being so lavish in his description, this wonderful sermon I mentioned before pointing me to this book, the preacher had this to say. He said God wants married lovers to experience deeply, and future married lovers to anticipate the full orb, central and spiritual pleasure of erotically loving one another, an embodied soul. He designed this intoxication to occur within the safe chamber of marriage because forbidden intoxication can kill. Here's what's going on here. God designed the marriage union to reveal to us something of God's union, loving union with us through Jesus Christ. It's singular devotion, it's intimacy, it's ever broadening and ever deepening beauty, and as you read the song of songs, you hear two lovers praising one another in sheer delight, each marveling at the beauty of the other and longing for the full expression of communion and completion, although it might be awkward, although it might seem to be a little misplaced in a church service. Let me tell you that what this is pointing us to is that coming day when we marvel at the beauty of our Savior, not as through a glass darkly but face to face, and this might shock you that your Savior marvels at you, the church, his beloved bride, and that in that fellowship we find the fullest expression of communion, and in that expression we are complete. We are made whole, earthly marriage will never fill that void, but it points us to the union that will fill that void in our hearts. So what gets in the way, what gets in the way, well our sin to be succinct, our selfishness, our self-righteousness, our lack of forgiveness, our vindictiveness, all of these things form a formidable obstacle, but let me share with you this morning that every one of them flows from a lack of trust and belief in the love of God for us, that it's only when we trust in the love that God has for us and the degree to which we are satisfied in the great love of God for us. It's only when we do that then we will not turn to others and ask them to be for us what God alone can be for us, and that idolatry can happen in any relationship marriage is not immune. One of the reasons marriage is so difficult for us is that we are expecting our spouse to be our savior, to love us perfectly, to always say the right thing, to reassure us in our fears, to forgive us of our wrongs, to not fail, to not let us down because we need them to affirm us and to make us feel secure, to underscore our significance, to satisfy us. But the truth of the matter is your spouse can offer you that no more than you could give it to them. We are insufficient for the task. Creatures cannot bear the weight that is only designed for their creator. Our spouses can help us see the nature of God in as much as they love us, but they will never be for us God and reveal to us the fullness of God the way that only God can. And when we expect them to be that, that only God can be, we place a burden on them, they cannot bear, and they grow frustrated even as we go frustrated, they grow exasperated even as we become exasperated. So what is the provision in the face of this problem? The provision is that we not take our eyes off our spouse, or the one that we love, but that we only view them after we first seen, embraced, and basked in the love of God. People who know that they are first loved by God make the best lovers because selfishness is mistrust. It's born of the fear that we can't trust someone else to care for us and so we look out for ourselves. And as it relates to our spouses or our dating partners, those with whom we are in a romantic relationship, it's a well-placed fear. We can't fully trust that everyone is going to come through for us any more than they can trust that we will fully come through for them, but there is one who never fails. God's promise to care for us in such a faithful, even extravagant manner that we can dare to be prodigal, reckless toward others in our love. We can go into our relationships with an optimistic realism, understanding that they will fail, and we will fail, but there is one with us in this relationship who will never fail. And his promise to be so sovereign and powerful over our failures that if we would persevere in him, he can make those failures, though not good in and of themselves, an unexpected pathway to blessing, self-righteousness is mistrust. It's born of the fear that if we were truly known, we would not be accepted. And so we need to work hard to prove our worthiness and to earn our acceptance by convincing others that we are superior and that we are worthy. It underestimates our sinfulness. It doesn't take seriously enough how deeply compromising our sinfulness is. But there's no remedy in our behavior to counteract our lack of righteousness. It doesn't take seriously enough God's grace because Jesus is our righteousness, not our own performance, and so Jesus living a life of obedience in our place and suffering and dying for our sin in our place. This is the path to true righteousness, and as we rest upon his record, not our own, not feverishly trying to establish our own as we rest it brings calm to our hearts and to our relationships because we don't need to put ourselves up by putting others down. We don't need to compete with those around us. We can empathize with others in their weakness because we are realistic about our own. Resentment is mistrust. Our vindictive spirit is mistrust. It's born of the fear that the wrongs done to us diminish us and define us in a permanent way. We deny that God can accomplish greater purposes in our relationship and marriages even through deep hurts and brokenness. The gospel frees us to realize that it was through the pain and injustice of the cross that God accomplished our redemption in our ultimate healing and if God could turn the cross for us, he can turn even the darkest circumstances into unexpected pathways of blessing. Let me encourage you that as we talk of marriage and of eros, this kind of love, eros is no more contained to marriage than it is to sexuality. You do not need to be married to experience eros. Marriage is simply one distinct God-ordained venue for this to occur. In fact, in the New Testament, the New Testament, no way disparages singleness, Paul actually affirms singleness and says that the one who is called by God to singleness is actually more fruitful for God's kingdom and the recipient of an even greater grace than the one who is called to marriage. While not putting down marriage, there is nothing in the New Testament that puts down singleness. In fact, that singular devotion to God can become the pathway through which eros is experienced directly with our Lord. Because His great love becomes the affirmation, the finding affirmation of our lives. Let me also say a final word that perhaps marriage right now is a difficult place for you. Perhaps you are thinking, well, if I believe these things, there is no guarantee that my spouse is going to believe them and sadly that is true. There is no assurance that by doing the right things, by bringing our lives into a closer reliance upon the Lord into a deepening form of repentance, that it will prompt within those around us any particular response. This is why the Bible tells us as much as it depends upon you, live at peace with those around you. God knows that you can't accomplish a particular change in another person's life. But even so, as we learn to rely upon the Lord enduring the difficulties of marriage, and even if the case may be the end of a marriage becomes that much more powerful as we learn to rely upon God's great love for us, and that even though one relationship might fade at least for a time, there is an unwavering, faithful relationship upon which we can always fall, and that is God's great love for us. So as we close, I want to ask you to imagine what God makes possible as we understand that He is the great lover of our souls. This past week, I shared on social media some of you saw it about a man who was diagnosed with a terminal illness this past December. He knew as much as he could at the time that he would not be able to celebrate Valentine's Day with his wife. And so in anticipation of his going home to the Lord, he went first to a florist in a range that on Valentine's Day, flowers be delivered to his wife, and they arrive this Valentine's Day with a card. And the card simply said, apparently, they had a fun relationship, roses are red, violets are blue, something to the effect of, I'm up in heaven yelling, I love you. And as I reflected upon it, and of course had misty eyes, I thought to myself, this is so much more than a cute story. This man in his own way is pointing to a deep theological truth that love transcends all. It conquers even death. And what the Bible describes for us is that Jesus, the great lover of our souls, has gone on ahead of us to prepare a place for us, and when we come into the fullness of his communion, we will find completion. And as we are in that place, he described it as a great banquet, a table flowing with food and wine, and in the presence of Jesus gathered all together, the full communion of the saints, finding their completion in him, we will drink deep the love of God and be intoxicated in his great love. And so this morning, let me encourage you that that is the nature of God's love for you. It will not be turned back. It is needing, demanding, all-consuming, and defining. He is the lover of your soul, now and forever. Thank you for listening to this audio production of Willow Creek Presbyterian Church in Winter Springs, Florida for worship times, directions, or just to learn more about the Ministry of Willow Creek. Please visit us online at willowcreekchurch.org.