Pray, Father in heaven, give us now ears to hear, just what you want us to hear, whatever stage of life, no matter where we are, what we've been through, what we have ahead, just to hear what you want us to hear from your Word we pray in Jesus' name. Amen. I have been looking forward to preaching from the Song of Solomon ever since we established this schedule a few months ago. It is a much neglected book and it is immediately interesting and relevant. There are few topics in our day, more important and more confusing than sex and sexuality. Be hard pressed to find any issue where the world is telling us one thing so different from what God's Word tells us. So I've been very much looking forward to this message. I have to say on the other hand, as I was studying this week, I had several moments where I thought, what am I doing? Why did I sign up for this? My wife and my teenage children were thinking the same thing. I preached on this just one time before in my ministry six years ago and it's easy how it sounds different as all of your kids get six years older. But it is God's Word, of course, and all Scripture is breathed out by God. It's profitable for teaching, for improved for correction, for training in righteousness. Let me make just a preliminary comment as we get started and that is to set your mind at ease. As I said this morning in announcing the sermon topic, I'm not going to get into graphic descriptions of these romantic scenes. They are quite earthy, racy even. There are very physical longings described in this book, clearly, it's a book of sexual metaphors in you window, euphemism, and I'll point those out and you'll be able to see the connections and sometimes they're right on the face of the text. But I'm not going to draw the connections anymore elaborately than that because that's not how poetry works and that's not how the Bible normally talks about sex. Yes, the descriptions here are evocative, but they are not graphic in pastors or preachers would make a mistake. If they went from poetry which communicates truth in a certain way, it's there, it's in the periphery, it's off to the side, and without ever being graphic, Paul refers in 1 Corinthians 1224 to those parts of the bodies that are less presentable. So we don't have to use our imagination to know what he's talking about. So this sermon is not going to give a clinical medical description or an r-rated description of what these euphemisms are describing, but the the a new window will be quite enough on its own. So here's what I want to do in these next 35 minutes. First, I want to orient us to the book by answering three questions, that will be the shorter half, and then the longer half, the main half, I want to look at three principles for marriage from this book, or three rules for romance. So two halves with three. So first, the shorter half here, just to make sure we know what sort of book we're reading. Three questions. Number one, who is the author? Hope you have your Bible open. It's right in the middle there after Ecclesiastes is the song of Solomon. And if you look at the very first verse, it says, the song of songs which is Solomon's. You know in the Bible that repetition they don't have, of course, bold or italics or underline and so they repeat, king of kings, lord of lord, holy of holies. That is to say, this is the songiest of the songs. This is the greatest hit. This is an amazing song. So sometimes it's called the song of songs. Older commentaries would call it canticles, meaning songs. Here in the ESV it's entitled, the song of Solomon. It could be that the author is not Solomon, the song which is Solomon's, could mean it's concerning Solomon or attributed to him or dedicated to him or in the spirit of Solomon. If I take the most common and natural reading to be correct, the traditional understanding that this is one of Solomon's 1,005 songs, that's a reference first Kings 432, 1,005 songs, and this evidently was the best of the best. It is similar to Egyptian poetry of this period that is right before Solomon, some of the same kinds of metaphors and pictures. There is in this song an atmosphere of luxury and wealth which would make sense for Solomon and for his kingly period. Solomon puts himself as a poetic symbol of a kind of quintessential eastern monarch. Now if Solomon is the author, as traditionally understood, you may have the question in your mind, well, that rings a little, how low, how could Solomon, the man with 700 wives and 300 concubines write this poem about marital love? Well, some have argued that he wrote this song when he was younger before he turned a stray and accumulated all of these wives and concubines. Don't know if we can prove that or not, but it's a nice thought. There's an old tradition that says Solomon wrote the poem when he was an old man and it was an act of contrition. This was a medieval Jewish scholar named Rashi postulated this theory again and can hope that that might be true. Even if neither of these are true, he wrote it before he turned away or as an act of contrition at the end of his life, even if that's not true and we can't really know for sure, he wouldn't be the first person to write true things about romantic love without living up to those ideals. Any pop station you listen to, your favorite love song, your first dance, your prom, your wedding dance, almost any of your favorite pop songs, just about Guarantee, the man or woman who wrote that song and performed it probably did not have an ideal marital relationship. And so it is with Solomon. So he's the author, most likely. Second question is preliminary. What is this book about? You may know that there's a long history of interpreting the book allegorically. That is to read this almost entirely as being about Christ's love for his people and sometimes those allegories get very fanciful. There's nothing in this text to suggest that it's meant to be read as an allegory. We should not go on a treasure hunt trying to figure out how each bit of imagery is somehow related to some aspect of Christology. So this book, as we'll see in a moment, is very obviously about romantic love. Now, in saying that, it doesn't mean that it has to be about romantic love exhaustively. So allegory, no, but analogy, yes. That is to say, the Bible often describes the love between God and his people as a kin to a husband and a wife. So though we don't want to press all these metaphors into service, how could we not see that there's something here, not only of a celebration between husband and wife earthly marital love, but some of these expressions speak to God's great love for us, his people. The couple here is likely the creation of a literary imagination. That is to say, they may not be real people, just like most love songs are not about real people, but it's about every man and every woman falling in love. Now interestingly, still here under this category, what is the book about? Some commentators have made the point that song of songs is a girl's book. You're saying, oh, really, no, I had to come. He made me come for this message. Well think about it. In Hebrew. Now, we have same Bible books in the Hebrew Bible, but we have them in a different order. In Hebrew scriptures, the order goes proverbs, Ruth's song of songs. How does proverbs end? It ends with Psalm 31, the famous, sometimes discouraging, but meant to be edifying inspirational proverbs 31 woman, and then what book comes next? Ruth, because Ruth is the personification of that Psalm 31 woman, followed by song of songs. So proverbs 31 is this picture of this strong, godly, capable woman. We have a real life example in Ruth, and now we have a song about strong, godly woman to emulate. In fact, you could say that proverbs is for boys and song of Solomon is for girls. I say that because proverbs is constantly directed a father as if he's speaking to his son, my son, my son, what sort of woman you should marry. Now this may seem strange to think song of Solomon is a girl's book considering our normal stereotypes that a book all about sex would be a book for men. And yet, as you'll see in just a moment, the main singer is a woman. And the audience, as there's an aside, is the woman speaking to other women, to the daughters of Jerusalem, to her bridesmaids as it were. You'll see in this book a number of what you might call traditional assumptions about men and women are confirmed, but we'll also see that this woman breaks some of our traditional stereotypes perhaps, most notably that she is a woman longing for a man, and she longs for the body of her husband. Just look at verse two, how it starts out, right to the point that him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, verse four, draw me after you, let us run, the king has brought me into his chambers. So this is a book about romantic love. Third preliminary question, how is the book structured? We could get deep into the weeds, maybe next to revelation, song of Solomon is the book that has the most wildly different structures that affect the way you understand the book. Some have argued for a shepherd hypothesis, that is a three-part drama, where you actually have a king who's wooing a woman, and then this ruddy, homely shepherd boy intersects, and he becomes the hero who wins the girl's affection. And if you put those three parts in it, it can make sense, but it seems a little forced. And it would be strange that in that configuration, Solomon, the king, ends up the bad guy, which is, would be strange for a book if Solomon wrote it. So what you see in the ESV is the best guess, and I think it makes sense of the text, not only the context, but at different points, the Hebrew syntax, which can indicate whether a male or female speaker, so you'll see in the ESV that there's these headings. These are not inspired, but they are given by the translator to help make sense of it. So you have before verse two, she, and then the middle of verse four, others, and then back to she, and then you'll see verse eight, he. So it goes back and forth between she, so this is the bride singing her song, then he, the groom singing his song, and then intermixed are the others, is the chorus coming in with its song. It is, in fact, a wedding song, and it's a song with no particular historical reference, but a man who is at once a king, and by another angle a shepherd, or a gazelle, and a woman who is a queen, or a young virgin, and they are singing of their love to each other. Three principles then, that's a lay of the land. Three principles then, God's rules for romance. Number one, romantic love should be protected. Romantic love should be protected. One commentator puts it like this, sex is not an evil thing made permissible by marriage, but a good thing protected by marriage. Or romantic love is not an evil thing, sometimes in the church, bad, bad, evil, evil, stay away, and then you've got to marriage also and comes in in a moment, in a night, you have to think this is good. No, it is a good thing protected by marriage. We're going to jump around to look at different texts along these themes. So look at chapter two, verse three, here's the woman singing as an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so as my beloved among the young men. With great delight I sat in his shadow, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. He brought me to the bankwitting house, and his banner over me was love. Sustained me with raisins, refreshed me with apples, where I am sick with love. His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me. I adore you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles of the doves of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. Do you see that description in verse six? His left hand under my head is the right hand embraces me. This is the embrace of romance, not only are they in a romantic pose, but the description here speaks to the woman as she feels secure, protected, cared for. His left hand is under my head, his right hand is embracing me. Their physical embrace is an expression of emotional, spiritual, physical protection. She feels secure. You see, verse seven, this is the bride now turning aside, having described something of this physical embrace, with her not yet husband, the weddings coming later in the book. She now speaks to these bridesmaids, these daughters of Jerusalem, O daughters, I adore you, and this is a refrain throughout the book, do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. The Bible understands that you have hormones. The woman, notice it's the woman, saying to other women, girls, this is good, but you gotta wait. Do not make yourself this hungry when it's not time to eat, that's what she's saying. Look later in verse 17, so she continues as she adores her beloved, and then she says in verse 17, after extoling the love and the loveliness of her husband to be, she shows until the day breathes, and the shadows flee, turn my beloved, be like a gazelle or a young stag on cleft mountains. That turn is saying, turn away, she's madly, passionately in love. She sees who he is, and she's had an embrace, and she wants more of her man, but she says, don't stir up love until it's time. Don't get the car engines fired up when it's not ready to be put into drive. This romantic love is to be protected, and so she says now to the man, we better stop. Turn away, turn away like a gazelle. Look down later, chapter 3, you see the heading in the ESV is her dream, so she's said on the one hand, turn away from me, not yet, it's not time to stir up love, but I'm married yet, but now she's going to have quite a dream on my bed by night, I sought him whom my soul loves, so she's turned him away in life, and now she can't help but think about him in sleep, I sought him but found him not, I will rise now and go about the city in the streets and in the squares, I will seek him whom my soul loves, I sought him but found him not. The watchman found me as they went about in the city, have you seen him whom my soul loves? Seriously had I passed him when I found him whom my soul loves, so this is in her dream, I held him and would not let him go, until I had brought him into my mother's house, into the chamber of her who conceived me, and she says now again, I adore you, for the second time, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the toes of the field that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases, she's having a dream, and it is a passionate dream, she wants to bring him to bed, verse 4, I held him, would not let him go, until I brought him into my mother's house, into the very chamber where she was conceived, might seem awkward, but that's what she wants. This activity is to take place in the bedroom, now notice 2, there's a connection here to children, she says we're going to go into my mother's room, the mother's bed, the very place where I was conceived, she has an understanding which has been lost in our culture that sex and children are related, that the act that she longs for with her fiancee soon to be groomed is the very act which can bring forth children. Just one reason why fornication sex before marriage is wrong, because you haven't yet given yourself fully in every way, spiritually, emotionally, physically, so that now you are in the position where this union can produce children, it's also one reason why homosexuality is wrong, because homosexual union by definition is not the sort of union from which children can come. Now yes, it happens in marriage between a man and a woman, that because of age or infirmity or the plumbing is not all working, that children do not always come, but yet there is that latent possibility, they are a man and a woman or the sort of persons whose bodies are meant to come together for children. We hear this refrain in verse 5, the same we heard in chapter 2 verse 7, addressing the daughters of Jerusalem, wait, now think about this, this is a young woman in this culture, this is probably a teenager who's getting married, and she is speaking to her girlfriends. This is not a message from a celibate prophet, or even from the pastor or from her mother or father, but it is from a young woman who's saying to her friends, this is good, but you gotta wait, we gotta wait, we gotta know the right time, not yet. This is one of the fundamental ethical messages of Christianity, that sex belongs exclusively in the covenants of marriage between a man and a woman, and that is out of step with our time, and given human sinful nature, it is actually out of step with every time. Phil Reichen, he has a very nice book, a set of sermons, that he preached at Wheaton, he's the president at Wheaton, came out a few years ago, and from this book song of Solomon, and he notes this line from C.S. Lewis, Lewis said, the Christian sexual ethic, quote, is so difficult and so contrary to our instincts, that obviously either Christianity is wrong or our sexual instinct is wrong one or the other, that is absolutely true, and it has always been true. The human sexual instinct is to want sex and to want it on your own terms, and to want it now, and Christianity gives a fundamentally different message. It was radically different in the Roman Empire, into which Christianity was birth, and it is incredibly different now, and Lewis is right, it's so different that either your natural sexual instinct is right, and to be trusted, or Christianity is right. Many in our day, perhaps some of you, or beloved ones you know, have faced that same dilemma, no, they wouldn't put it in these terms, they have chosen their sexual instinct over Christianity. Phil Reichen says, young people often ask where the line is, maybe young people here, you're wondering that, where is the line, how far is too far? He goes on, they want to know how far they can go in a physical relationship before breaking God's law for physical or sexual intimacy. This is the wrong question to ask, of course, a better question is, how can I protect the purity of the person I say that I love? But if a guideline is needed, here's a simple one to follow, two people who are not married should not touch the sexual parts of one another's bodies, that is a good, simple rule. Easier to say than giving hormones always to follow, but it is a good rule, and Reichen is surely correct. The most important question to ask is not, God, how much could I do without making you really mad, but how can I protect the purity of the person that I say I love? And if you're engaging in any romantic activity with someone and you don't really love them, then why are you doing that in the first place? But ostensibly say, this is someone I deeply love, then if you love them, you're thinking how can I protect the purity of this person that I love? Never counseled somebody or done a wedding for someone who gets married and the two of them say, you know what, our biggest regret? We just didn't do more sexually before we got married. Never heard that regret. Romantic love has to be protected. Turn to the end of the book, chapter 8. This is at first a strange euphemism, but it makes sense when you understand it. Chapter 8, verse 8. So this is the chorus, the others. We have a little sister, and she has no breasts. What should we do for our sister on the day when she is spoken for? If she is a wall, we will build on her a battlements of silver, but if she is a door, we will enclose her with boards of cedar. What is this about? Seems awkward to us. They may say, we have a little sister, and she has no breasts. They are speaking of a young woman who is just beginning to go through puberty, we might say. It's not yet fully developed as a woman. Not even at this young age, this woman has to face a choice. It's presented in verse 9. Will she be a wall or a door? And of course the same applies to men saying here it's speaking to the women. If she is a wall, meaning she has walled off her sexuality until time, until it's time, until marriage. It's forming, she's developing, she's maturing, and these others who are probably her friends, her family members are saying, if she's a wall, if she will protect her chastity and her virginity, we will build on her a battlement of silver. That is to say, we will celebrate her, we will reward her. But if she is a door, meaning she is opening wide her sexuality to anyone who wants it, then we will enclose her with boards of cedar, and that could be some expression of shame. But I think what it means is, if she is swinging open herself as a door, her friends and family are going to do what they can to try to wall her up. They're going to try to protect her against herself, against her own instincts, perhaps. The choice is chastity or promiscuity, and it is a choice, of course, that young men and men of all ages and women of all ages have to make, and I know there is great danger when you have a middle-aged pastor who's daring to say something here to young women, perhaps about honesty or dress, but here we go. The Bible does not hold back from celebrating beauty. We're going to get to that in just a moment in this book, and almost every matriarch in the Old Testament is celebrated as being a beautiful woman. There is nothing wrong, in fact, there is much right with a young woman who wants to be beautiful and even spend some time thinking about how she might be beautiful. What is a problem is when the beauty that God gives to a woman, or that she naturally wants to pursue, becomes a door that is swinging wide open. When you're presenting not just your beauty, but your body, for those for whom it should not be given, and part of what it communicates to people, not simply that you might want to get to know me, and I'm a beautiful person inside and out, but a lack of modesty communicates. This is what I have to offer. This is what is most important about me. This is what I believe is most beautiful about me, and this is what I want you to see and I want you to behold on my Instagram, on my text message. This is what I want you to see. This woman is facing the same thing. Different technology, same temptations, will she be a wall or will she be a door? Now look at the woman, the protagonist in this song, she says, verse 10, I was a wall. I chose chastity and virginity, and my breasts were like towers, meaning I waited until I developed, until I was mature, until I was ready, and then I was in his eyes as one who finds peace. She's fully formed, and now at the end of this book she's found peace in the eyes of her husband, and her body now is to be fully enjoyed by the one, her beloved. She says in verse 12, my vineyard, and just think about what she means here. My vineyard, my very own, is before me. You owe Solomon, they have the thousand, and the keepers of the fruit, two hundred. You see what she's saying? Yet you, you, you other men, find, go chase after your thousand other vineyards, but you're not looking at mine, and you're not getting my vineyard, because this is mine, and I'm cultivating it, and I'm waiting, and I'm reserving it, go trample on someone else's vineyard, do not force your way, and this men, men, this is for you, you do not force your way, you do not pressure your way, you do not go your way, and someone else is vineyard. Just send me the picture, just a little bit more, just a little bit farther. No, my vineyard, my very own, she says, and I'm saving it for my beloved. Romantic love is to be protected, rule number two. Romantic love should be verbalized. Go back to chapter one, romantic love should be verbalized. This woman, remember this is most likely a wedding song, weddings at this time period for Jews could have been as much as a week, it was a massive celebration, and this was most likely a song that was sung, perhaps at one time, perhaps over the course of days, but it's really telling the story of man and woman meeting, falling in love, getting married, enjoying the consummation of their relationship. So here at the very beginning, she's modest about herself as women often are, look at what she says in verse five, I'm very dark, but lovely, your daughters of Jerusalem, like the tents of Tadar, like the curtains of Solomon, do not gaze at me because I am dark, because the sun has looked upon me, my mother's sons were angry with me, they made me keeper of the vineyards, but of my own vineyard, I have not kept. Darkness here, it's not about race, it's not about ethnicity. What's happened is her brothers, or it might be her step-brothers, because it says the sons of mother, the mother's sons were angry with her, and what did they do as they mistreated their Cinderella step-sister, they made her work outside in a hot sun. Now for us, people go and they spend money, and they spray themselves, and they go into booze so that they can look tan. To be tan is a sign of youthfulness and vigor and sexuality, not so in the ancient world. If you were darkened by the sun, you know what, you must be poor in working outside, so it was not a good thing to be dark in tan, that's what she's saying. She was a poor laborer, and her brothers made her work outside, so she's embarrassed. As women often are, even the women who put themselves forward with the most aggressiveness to show forth their beauty and their body, there's often at the same time a sense of not measuring up. So in her own eyes she says, I'm lovely, but don't look at me, but in the eyes of the man, she's amazing. So let's hear from the man for the first time, verse 8, if you do not know, oh, most beautiful among women, follow in the tracks of the flock, and pastor your young ghost beside the shepherd's tents, I compare you, my love, to a mare among Pharaoh's chariots, your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, your neck with strings of jewels. Now you understand different comparisons in their day than ours, be careful now, comparing your love to a horse, it doesn't always work, we'll get to some other ones, but it works here. He says in verse 15, again, behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful, your eyes are doves. And perhaps it's noteworthy that at this point, as the romance is developing, his eyes are above the neckline, the wedding has not taken place, the relationship is building, but you notice he's speaking of her cheeks, her face, her eyes, when we get to the sensual imagery in just a moment of her body, that's on the wedding day and the wedding night. And if you, men, if you don't know what to say, men, look at verse 15, here's a good one, you are beautiful, if you don't know what else, say it twice, behold, you are beautiful. It's very simple, this is what you say to your love. Now you don't say this to your co-workers, men, in casual settings, perhaps you might compliment a woman on nice new outfits, as you get a new haircut, you look nice, but you stay away from saying, you look beautiful, you are truly delightful. Now as we move to the wedding day, the verbal description becomes more sexual, never pornographic, it's not suggestive, it's not tantalizing in that way, and most tellingly, it's not picture, sometimes people say, well, why can't I go watch these movies? Because the Bible describes, you know, has sexual imagery and song of Solomon, it's your, your ears, hear poetry, very different than your eyes see sexual activity. Turn over to chapter 4, perhaps the most famous description here is the man admires his bride's beauty. You can see in chapter 3, verse 6, the SV gives the heading Solomon arrives for the wedding. So we've moved to the wedding day, so now appropriately speaking of her beauty, behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful, your eyes are doves, behind your veil, your hair. Again, cultural appropriation, or cultural context, I mean, is like a flock of ghosts, leaping down the slopes of Gilea, your teeth are like a flock of shorn used that have come up from the washing, all of which bear twins, not one among them has lost its young, your lips are like a scarlet thread, your mouth is lovely, your cheeks are like haves of a pomegranate behind your veil, your neck is like a tower of David built in rows of stone on and hang a thousand shields, all of them shields of warriors, your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle that graze among the lilies until the day breathes, and the shadows flee, I will go away to the mountain of Mure, and the hill of frankincense, you are all together beautiful, my love, there is no flaw in you, it's beautiful poetry, it's the way that God means to, you know what this is about, and yet it's not lurid, hardly any movies or TV shows anymore, care to do this, or know how to do this, but romance is often more about what you leave out. Today's movie TV, so they don't want to leave anything out, they don't know how to describe two people falling in love except boom to put them in bed together, it's a shortcut. Within the context of marriage here, you hear over and over in chapter 3, 4 and 5, the language of my and mine, 1 Corinthians 7, 4, the husband has authority over his wife's body, the wife has authority over the husband's body, it's not a selfish possession, but it's a rightful possession, you are mine, you're mine. And notice, look at verse 11, your lips drip nectar, my bride, honey and milk are under your tongue, the fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon. Now where have you heard, do you know the Bible, milk and honey before, that's the famous description of the Promised Land, this man is saying, you my bride, you are the Promised Land. And look at verse 12, a garden locked as my sister, my bride, a spring locked, a fountain sealed in her gardens about to open. He's saying, you are the Promised Land, you verse 12 are the garden of Eden, you my bride are a paradise to me. And again and again, he verbalizes his love for her. Not just to say, I love you, but everything about you is amazing, captivating, perfect. Turn over to chapter 6, verse 4, you are beautiful as tears of my love, lovely as Jerusalem, awesome as an army with banners. Chapter 7, how beautiful are your feet and sandals, O noble daughter, your rounded eyes are loved, jewels, the work of a master hand, your navel is a rounded bowl that never lacks mixed wine, your belly is a heap of wheat encircled with lilies, your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle, your neck is like an ivory tower, your eyes are pools and hashed by the gates of Beth Rabim, your nose is like a tower of Lebanon which looks toward Damascus, your head crowns you like caramel and your flowing locks are like purple, a king is how captive in the tresses. Do you see what the man is doing? It's very obvious. He is starting from the ground up. Verse 1, looking at her feet, looking at her legs, looking at her navel, her belly, her breasts, her neck, her eyes, her head, her hair, he is going gazing from the bottom up, saying you are literally from head to toe, top to bottom, you are beautiful. And, lest you think it's only the man who speaks this way of the woman, the woman also speaks this way of her husband, look at chapter 5 verse 10, my beloved is radiant and ruddy, distinguished among 10,000, his head is the finest gold. I think gray might be a good substitute also, his locks are wavy, black as a raven, his eyes are like doves, besides streams of water, bathed in milk, sitting beside a pool, his cheeks are like beds of spices, mounds of sweet-smelling herbs, his lips are lilies dripping, liquid-mer, his arms are rods of gold, set with jewels, his body is polished ivory, bedecked with sapphires, his legs are alabaster, column set on bases of gold, his appearance is like Lebanon choices the cedars, his mouth is most sweet, and he is all together desirable. This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem. Perhaps you hear that, especially if you have been married for a while, and you think, ah, to be young and in love again, little exaggerated, don't you think? Pillars, arms of gold, alabaster columns, but listen to all of you fellow, not so newlywed, middle-aged or older. You were in love, I hope you still are. She is absolutely sick with love. You see that chapter 5 verse 8, I assure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, if you find my beloved, would you tell him, I am sick with love. Now, I said, I wouldn't share personal illustrations, just this reminiscent sense that when Trisha and I were dating, I know we wrote some letters back and forth, it was when email was just getting started, so we actually had the right letters. We didn't text anything. I do hope that those letters are burned or buried somewhere, never to be found. I'm sure they would be, as the kids say, cringy, so over the top, but that's what you do when you're in love, and you should do. You should speak extravagantly about your spouse, even if you even if you've got to give some lines and you're both laughing, just try speaking this extravagantly, because what's the alternative, if you never dare to speak extravagantly, sometimes you talk to couples and they would say, yeah, but I don't know if I exactly feel this way anymore, and it would be fake. Know what? Then fake it till you make it. Literally, say some things that you know should be true and verbalize it with your mouth. Do everything you can, husband and wife, to verbalize your spouse's loveliness. Pay attention. This is strange to you. Start small. You see here, just paying attention to a neck, an ear, hair, all the way up and down the body, and of course it doesn't have to just be the body. Little things that you do to care for one another, to serve one another. But look, pay attention, men and women. Surely there's something, there's a smile. There's a new outfit. There's a new hairstyle. There's a Sunday bet. There's something that you can speak to. Tell stories. Remind each other, husbands and wives, of when you first met, the goofy things you did, the first time you kissed, your wedding night, funny stories, adventures, special dates, anniversaries. Remember and verbalize that love. Finally, I hope you will indulge a few more minutes, and who knows when you'll get so long of Solomon again. Third, romantic love should be celebrated. Should be protected. Number two, it should be verbalized. And number three, it should be celebrated. No pastor is going to tell you I hope how often a married couple should have sex or talk in detail about what that should be like or what you should do. God's word doesn't give us those specifics, thankfully. But here's what we know from God's word. Sexual intimacy in marriage is a gift to be enjoyed and celebrated. Here's what I've learned after 20 plus years of pastoral ministry and hearing from others and just having my ears open. If a marriage is bad, almost always sex is bad. And conversely, if sex is bad and almost nonexistent, you can just about guarantee the marriage is not healthy, either. Goes in both directions. Sometimes as a cause, and that's often the way for the man, this man often wants to have sex. If he is not able, and his wife is not willing, the marriage starts to go bad. So that's often the cause of a marriage going bad. The lack of sexual intimacy for a woman is often the result of a marriage going bad. Now, I know that's stereotypical. It's not always the case, but it is more often than not the case. That is to say, the lack of sexual intimacy is often for the woman, a sign that she does not feel close to her husband in any other way. And so, why would she want to draw close to him in this most intimate of ways? Sex in the song of Solomon is very different from its surrounding culture. It's always been the case. Always been the case. That Christians, or we could say Jews and Christians have thought about sex different than the world around them. So, if you're going to be a Christian and you want to think about sex in the same way the world does, not going to work. Always thought about sex differently. In the ancient Near East, sex was some kind of religious act that might produce fertility in the crops, or focundity in the gods. That's not what you have here. What we have here is a positive, passionate assessment of the gift of intimacy within the context of marriage between a man and a woman. Look at the middle of the book. Chapter 4. The beloved who started out, remember they meet. I want to kiss him. His description of her is from the neck up. Well, now they've come to the wedding. Chapter 4 verse 8, come with me from Lebanon, my bride. Verse 9, you have kept him in the heart, my sister, my bride. Verse 10, how beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride. Verse 12, the guardlock is my sister, my bride, over and over. Now he's okay, they're married now. And what's described is a wedding sit for a king and a queen. And quite remarkably, the literal and the literary center of this book is the wedding night. With pun intended, it is the climax of the book. Chapter 4 verse 16 and chapter 5 verse 1 is the literal and the thematic center of the book. Before those two verses, there are 111 lines after those two verses, 111 lines. And you see what happens in these two verses. Awake on north wind and come on south wind. Blow upon my garden. Let it spice us flow. And then she comes in, lets my beloved come to his garden and eat its choice fruits. I came, now he's speaking to my garden, my sister, my bride. I gathered my mirror with my spice. I ate my honeycomb with my honey. I drank my wine with my milk and now the chorus, eat friends, drink, and be drunk with love. Do you see what's happening here? The woman calls to the mayhem. She says, come to your garden. And the man says, I've come to my garden. They are at that moment where their relationship is going to be consummated with the act of sexual intimacy. And just like good poetry, and just like you would expect, from the Bible, the Bible doesn't go on and describe in some graphic detail what happens, but notice the chorus comes in. And it's as if to pull the curtains, as if to draw the shades, the chorus says, all right, eat friends, drink, be drunk with love. Close the curtains, go for it. We'll be on our way. This is the celebration they have been waiting for. And you see the last part of the book is really their honeymoon song. Chapter 7, he sings, and then she comes in, melody to, or harmony to his melody. She says it goes down smoothly for my beloved gliding over lips and teeth. Verse 10, I am my beloved. And his desire is for me. Come, my beloved. Let us go into the fields, lodge in the villages. Let us go out early to the vineyards and see whether the vines have budded, whether the grape blossoms have opened, and the pomegranates are in bloom there. I will give you my love. Don't you like that expression there? I will give you my love. Now, I said even earlier in the sermon, the phrase that all of us have heard before, have sex. But that's indelicate, as if this romantic climax is something you just have, even worse, are the kind of slang, some of the speaks of doing someone, or even more crassly, nailing, or there's lots of more vulgar expressions. But in sex, we most profoundly don't take, or do, or even have, but give. There, I will give you my love. That's what romantic love is in the context of marriage. One giving each to the other. It is. One reason why self-gratification and pornography are wrong, because they are both inherently selfish acts, and they distort the purpose and meaning of marriage, which is always to give yourself to another. This book, this wonderful book, it's not a dating guide, it's not a how-to-sex manual, but it is a poetic celebration of romantic marital passion. I forget who said it, but someone commented that Job is about the riddle of suffering. Ecclesiastes is about the riddle of existence, and Song of Solomon is about the riddle of sex. Perhaps the three great mysteries in life. In Titus, you recall, the older women train the younger women, but here it really is the younger women, almost reminding and training the older women. And you see, at the very beginning of the book, she is longing for his kisses, and in the book ends chapter 8, verse 14, with a request, make haste, she says, my beloved, and be like a gazelle or a young stag on the mountains of spices. Yes, a book of the Bible ends with a bride calling for her husband to come that they may have romantic love together. I said at the beginning that this is not an allegory, but it is analogous. Marital love is analogous to the mystical relationship between Christ and the church. You think of the language, the spirit, and the bride say, come. His banner over me is love, chapter 2, verse 4, chapter 8, verse 6, and 7, set me as a seal upon your heart. Many waters cannot quench love. Neither can floods drown it. How could we not think of something about Christ's love for his people? That we as his bride call out for our groom when you come. We are ready for the wedding supper of the Lamb. And just as many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. We might say that Christ on the cross face the drowning flood of God's judgments just as in Noah's day. That in that judgment, his love for us might be expressed rather than extinguish. So, no, this is not an allegory, but yes, it is analogous to Christ's great love for us, his bride. Let me finish with this. What should you do then, speaking in particular to couples? Let me give you three words, repent, remember, and rejoice. One, you may have to repent. Repent of all manner of sexual sins, God will forgive you. You may have to repent of the little foxes, as it were, that have run to and throw your marriage. Perhaps you have to repent of spending so little time or so little efforts or energy thinking about romantic matters, or perhaps as the other way, and one of you has spent so much time pressuring the other person. But do remember, first Corinthians 7.5, do not deprive each other except perhaps by agreement for a little time that you may devote yourselves to prayer, but then come together again so Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. Without giving us any specifics of routine, the Bible does command us that sex ought to be a regular recurrence in the marriage relationships. Repent and remember. Surely if you're married, there's something good to remember, even if there's intervening years of pain and hardship. There's something to remember. Some old stories to tell. I hope they're not that old. Something to remember. A time of, when you fell in love. I'm a great joy, a great laughter, a great silliness, a great romance. Maybe that's where you need to start and just say, honey, can you think of a time when it felt different between the two of us? Here's one that I remember. Repent, remember, and hopefully at the end of it you rejoice. You rejoice that God has given to you if you are married this gift. That if you are not married, God will. He sees fit. Give you that opportunity later. And if not, we'll give you the gift of patience and contentment to serve God fully, knowing that ultimately all of this is but a shadow for the greater love and the greater joy that will be ours in heaven. Repent of your sins to one another. Remember of the love that you had and rejoice in this great gift of romantic love each for each other. Let us pray. Father in heaven, no doubt there are many, many issues that a sermon like this reveals, expose his questions, raise. We pray that by your spirits you would do a good work through this word, connect us with friends, with family, with with others that we may speak of these things that we may know forgiveness, where we have fallen short of these things. This is this is the ideal that Solomon fell well short of and so do all of us. But then help us to repent and remember and rejoice not only in our love for each other, but ultimately in your great love for us. In Jesus we pray. Amen.