or the other end of the Bible. You notice verse 21 of the fifth chapter of Ephesians says, be subject or even be submissive to one another in the fear of Christ. And then there's instruction for wives and husbands and children and workers and our attentions all this morning goes to verse 25, the instruction for husbands. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her. Now if you turn back, just a few pages in your Bible, the first Corinthians, the sixteenth chapter. And here the admonition of Paul in the thirteenth verse of 1 Corinthians 16, be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong, let all that you do be done in love. May God bless this reading of his holy and infallible word. Amen. You may be seated. The Bible says, quite clearly, act like a man. What does that mean? Because I'm a guy, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I'll miss a whole show looking for it. Though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator because I'm a guy I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store like milk or bread. I can't be expected to find exotic items like cumin or tofu. For all I know, these are the same thing. And never under any circumstances expect me to pick up anything for which feminine hygiene product is a euphemism. Because I'm a guy, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart. Despite evidence that this will cost twice as much when the repair person gets here and has to put it back together. Because I'm a guy, you don't have to ask me if I like the movie. Chances are if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't. Because I'm a guy, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair's fine. You look fine. Can we please go? Because I'm a guy and this is after all the new millennium, I will share equally in the housework. You do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning and the dishes, I'll do the rest. Because I'm a guy on one weekday morning. My wife wakes up feeling ill and asks me to get our three children ready for school. I respond with three questions. Do they need to eat anything? They're in school already. There are three of them. The question before us this morning is, is there such a thing as masculinity? And if so, what in the world is it? Our culture is addressed in a sea of confusion over sexual roles. The unique significance of our maleness and femaleness is intentionally being minimized. And this confusion has not led to a more harmonious gender-free world. In fact, what it's led to is more divorce, more familial disruption, less fathers in the home, less common meals as a family, less conversation in communication in the home, more time spent watching TV, more spouse abuse, more sexual abuse, more promiscuity, more abortion, more despondency, depression and suicide. Our culture has expanded a great deal of effort to homogenize masculinity and femininity, and life is not the better for it. Men young boys have no clue what a man is supposed to look like. Now, how do we find our way out of this darkness? What's a man? What's masculinity? God has not left us without a template. We've read together 1 Corinthians chapter 16, haven't we? The Bible says, act like men. The Bible says act like men. And so we open up God's word and attempt to understand all the implications, all the instructions that God would have for us in this. What does it mean to act like a man? Ready? First, then comes this question. Is there such a thing as masculinity? And the answer is, yes, there is. God made us male and female. Masculine role, feminine role, masculine characteristics, feminine characteristics are not a matter of a cultural norm. They're not determined by culture, they're determined by creation. God established them from the very beginning. Now, you should understand that in creation, God has given men and women roles that are overlapping and yet they are distinguishable. The conservative says, the traditionalist says, men and women have roles that are distinct from one another. The liberal says men and women have roles that are what? Identical. It's the person who listens to the word of God who understands that men and women's roles aren't distinct and they aren't identical. They're overlapping and yet they're distinguishable. Let me tell you what I mean. We read Genesis chapter 1, 27 and 28. It says, both men and women are made in what? They're made in God's image. Both men and women are charged to be fruitful and multiply. They can't do it on their own. Both men and women are to be God's ambassadors in this world or to be engaged in the ruling and subduing of the earth. God charges above with so much instruction and direction of the Bible would be directed to men and women alike, wouldn't it? Yet we understand that these roles can be distinguished because the Bible says that the man is to be the head of the woman. Just as Christ is the head of the church, the man is to be the head of the woman. That means that he is to be the covenant representative for his family. Understand that the man has the right of primogeniture. Adam and Eve in a strange sort of way are brother and sister. They are both the children of God. But who's the first born? Adam. Adam has the place of the first born in this new family. And in God's economy, that's significant. It's Adam who names his wife. It's Adam who's created first. His wife is created out of him. To Eve is given the task of being Adam's what? To being Adam's help. To be now interestingly enough, that would signify that there's something wrong with Adam. There's something that he lacks that she has. How about that? And so we understand that there's a clear distinction in the role of men and women. First Timothy 2 says it strongly. Let a woman quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness. I do not allow a woman to teach her exercise authority over a man but to remain quiet. For it was Adam who was first created. And then Eve. So that even the New Testament writers understood that anything they said about the male female relationship couldn't be rooted in the culture of their day. It didn't matter how much education women had or men had or what the place in that culture of society was. They rooted their comments on masculinity and femininity on male and female roles in what? Not in culture but in creation. In the ultimate design of God, the way he made things to be from the very beginning. We see the distinguished roles in the sanctions that God places on men and women when they rebel against God. When God comes to the garden to sanction man for his rebellion, then God says to Adam, your punishment will be what? In the area of ruling and subduing the earth. The earth will not yield its fruit easily. And so you will find that you have to wrestle by the sweat of your brow to provide for your family. Is it given to Eve to help in the provision? Does she suffer the curse that falls in the world when it comes to provision? Absolutely but God particularly directs that sanction to the man because this is his primary responsibility. When he turns his attention to sanction the woman, the sanction rests on her primary responsibility which is to be fruitful and multiply. And so God has uniquely crafted the woman for that task. And God says you will suffer pain and what? Now let me tell you something. It's an expansive thing. It's not just that you'll suffer pain in the actual delivery of a child but we're talking about pain in conception, pain in infertility, pain in mourning sickness, pain in infant mortality, pain in teenage rebellion. The whole experience of mothering will involve lots of pain and heartache. And this is the sanction particularly directed against that area of her primary responsibility. The men have a responsibility in the upbringing of children absolutely and yet you understand that God sanctions fall on them in recognition that they have primary role distinction. Now this has nothing to do with capability or competency. This has to do with creation design. God made it this way. It's beautiful and it's good. Anybody can wipe away whatever information they've gained and whatever complex studies and sociological studies they've read and say it is quite obvious that God has made men and women different. Emotionally, physiologically they are distinct. They were crafted for distinct tasks many years ago and my kids were just shrints. I remember sitting at the table about to speak on this subject and I said to them, what is it that makes a man a man and a woman a woman? And my youngest daughter at the time was about three or four years old and she said men are rough when they play and women are calm. And my next daughter said men are bald and women have hair. A little brat. She said men wear cologne and women wear perfume and she said men are in charge of the house and women have babies and my son at the time said what makes a man a man and a woman a woman? He said men have brains. Women don't. Simple as that. I've always felt the bond with that kid.
So I remember saying what makes a man a man and a woman a woman and my youngest daughter looked across the table with a quizzical look on her face and she said God does. Just that simple you and the soul. God makes men men and women women and so it is what we've messed it up. And that's the second point is the fall has brought relational disaster. Sin has twisted that this male female relationship is beautiful thing that God created this complementary nature of the relationship is lost. Look at Genesis 316 it. God says to the woman you'll have pain in childbirth and he says your desire shall be for your husband. That's not considered to be a positive thing. What's being expressed here is that your desire now will be for his place. Your desire will be for the role that's been uniquely given to him. You will contend with him for authority. The younger will try to usurp the authority of the older and then what does it say next? And he will what? He will crush you. He will crush that uprising and see here we get the first picture don't we of the twisting and gnarling of what God made to be beautiful and so men rather than offering loving leadership to their wives will now either tyranny them they will become strong and domineering and and use women and and crush women and abuse women or they will be guilty of abdication. They will they will just neglect their responsibility and not be involved at all.
Story is told a couple I think they were from Wisconsin. They they were being interviewed on their 50th wedding anniversary. They were known all throughout the community for the harmony of their marital relationship and a reporter came to their house and wanted to write about it and she inquired and the woman said well I I'd say it all started just just you know we don't argue we don't fight we never have and I'd say it was pretty well established on our honeymoon we on our honeymoon we went to the Grand Canyon and we decided we've we've made that hike down into the canyon and so we were back and we're packing with mules and my husband's mule stumbled and he leaned over and I heard him whisper that's one the mule stumbled again a little further on and my husband said that's two and then a mile or so further the mule stumbled a third time my husband leaned over it said that's three pulled out his pistol and shot the mule I was a gas I married this man I turned him and said what kind of person are you what kind of cruel individual are you you looked at me and he said that's one oh we could only dream but yeah the truth of it is is the truth of it is is that there's just such a legacy of pain on the part of women so I've been abused by men who have been whether it's sexually or physically or emotionally and then there's such a legacy of pain for women and children that have been neglected and abandoned by men whether they literally abandoned them or they they stay there but they're detached and unengaged the truth is the condition of men in our American culture today is they're confused they have lost touch of what they are and what they're supposed to be the messages are so confusing it's not enough anymore to grind it out in the workplace and be a good provider the sensitive modern guy must cook do the dishes clean the house bathe the kids help with homework paid taxes fixed cars keep the yard beautiful plan dynamite family vacations exercise romance his wife like you know even talk together cultivate friendships call parents weekly be a leader in the church all while his company is downsizing and he's trying to do the work three people used to do culture is not friendly to men our culture is engaged in in a war against men and our culture chastises men for not acting more like women Christina Hoff Summers wrote a book this summer it came out called the war against boys detailing how feminism has so overrun our educational system that boys are viewed as defective and need to be rescued from their masculinity the problem with our culture has been identified by many who teach in our universities many who teach our educators most of which are women the problem is masculinity it needs to be socialized out of boys while we've got a chance after all if we don't they micro up and be men and culture is suffering because of masculinity this is the thinking this extant today there's a commitment summer says to feminize boys by punishing characteristically male behavior and rewarding characteristically feminine activity every American ought to be alarmed at how many young boys in our culture are medicated every day the church hasn't done much better the church has not been a particularly particularly masculine friendly play and more and more we're told that God is a a woman in fact that the Bible has to be altered because these very offensive male pronouns and references to God and to Jesus a father and to son are offensive anymore and so all such references have to be removed from the Bible so we're told churches are filled with with women leadership roles in church largely filled by women and many churches young males are taught that to be a good boy is to act like a girl to be a good husband to be a good man is to act like a woman it's a confusing time Teddy Roosevelt as a story is told that he was a sunny school teacher for many years until he was relieved of his responsibilities he was relieved of his responsibilities because one morning a young primary school fella came in and he'd been in a fight now you know fighting wasn't good fighting on the Sabbath particular concerns so Roosevelt inquired and the boy told his story that he had fought an older boy because the older boy had pinched his sister and Roosevelt commended him for that and gave him a dollar and told him to keep up the good work Teddy wasn't invited to teach Sunday school anymore it stands that if it stands that if it falls to men to defend women then little boys have to learn that early on and and though they may need correction in their aggressiveness or their assertiveness it should be done without stripping them of the importance of a courage and tenacity and contrast to cowardice our culture is confused CF Lewis says we make men without chests and expect of them virtue we laugh at honor and our shocked to find traders in our myths we castrate and bid the gilding be fruitful say if I hear one more time to children but it doesn't matter whether you win or not don't play to win just play to have fun I hear one more time the comment why I love it when men cry it's just so great when men cry you know what it is it can be but you know what it's great when they don't too sometimes it's great when they have the control to do their tasks and not melt down sometimes how much the church there's temptation within the church to feminize men and we see in our culture the damage brought by the absence of masculine influence
we were in Chattanooga this summer in a housing project 275 apartment units 272 had no male head of household and we wonder why we struggle as we do and our nation is coming off public portrayal the last eight years of presidential leadership by a man who didn't know how to act like a man if not a partisan political comment it isn't the comment on legislation the president Clinton pursued or foreign policy or any of those other things that you may like or not like or agree with or disagree with it is to comment on the personal conduct of a leader particularly towards women towards his wife and towards other women particularly young women given to his charge and his care and his protection he didn't know how to act like a man he disgraced himself and his nation and and perhaps it could be traced to this he didn't have a father and the father the stepfather he had abused his mother in his alcoholic rages and abused him as a little boy and the whole nation tasted the fruit of the turmoil of the absence of a man being a man how do we find our way out of this towards life towards the garden the answer is we need a model we need a leader we need somebody we can point to and say that's what a man looks like that's it that's the template that's the model that's the paradigm and that man is given to us in whom never was a man like Jesus pilots said behold the man he is the man nail authority is reestablished and redefined by Jesus let's get it straight you want tough you want masculinity who went into the wilderness and stared down the evil one who went into the temple who took on the Pharisees and scribes and Sadducees who fought for the nobodies of culture who stood up for women and children and slaves and the broken and who went to the cross who bore the wrath of his father who stood there tough tenacious like no one before him and yet who could get down and hold the hands of a little girl and and say Talifa come little girl little child I say to you arrive who could who could come and and filled with compassion lay his hands on the leper who could weep at the grave of his beloved friend Jesus tough tender tenacious loving that's the picture of a man so we turn in the in the time we have left and say what might we learn from Jesus example about mature masculinity and in your outline you see the definition mature masculinity is the glad acceptance by a man of the responsibility to lead provide for and protect women in ways appropriate to his differing relationships with them lead provide and protect women in ways appropriate see you've got as a man you you don't just you're not just relating to your wife you've got sisters you've got a mother a grandmother you've got your spouse you've got your daughters you've got colleagues that you work with that are women there's all sorts of differing relationships that you're going to have with women and yet there's a benevolent responsibility on the part of men whatever those relationships are the lead provide for and protect women in ways that are appropriate to that relationship so we start with it the mature man expresses himself mature masculinity expresses itself not in a demand to be served but in the strength to serve and sacrifice for women the mature man must be strong and his strength must be exercised in this that he makes himself of no account on behalf of those whom he served the Bible says that Jesus having the position of glory being the royal son of God made himself what a bond servant he may did not come to be served but to serve why because he was weak because he was some literally delivered pansy or because he was the top tenacious warrior king who comes to fight on behalf of his people that's what he is and that's what a leader in the leader says though the organizational chart may say there are people under me the truth is I serve those who are under me they don't work for me I work for them I subjugate my personal best interest to their well-being that's what leadership is the woman said I hate my husband I hate him because the the way he makes me feel worthless like a non person like a slave headship is never belittling dominance the mature man desire is not to use women to feel good about himself but to be secure enough in Christ that he doesn't need to take from the women in his life but he can give to them he can make himself their servant for their well-being real men do rob their wife sorenic feed the baby at 3am and fold the clothes why because they're tough enough to serve those who serve them that's what it means to be a man that's what Jesus did that's what we do the servant is the one who makes themselves the least that's what it means to be a leader that's what Jesus came and redefined didn't he and his day the understanding was the leaders the one who has everybody doing for them the one who has the most servants he's great he's the leader Jesus said no the one who serves the most is the leader well I've started reading about military leadership and reading about marine core leadership and the marine core the leaders eat with their men in fact they don't eat until their men have eaten the leader doesn't eat first the men eat first then the leader eats not till the men have been taken care of the leader doesn't lead from behind the lines he leads the charge up the hill he goes first part of the core training is that everybody has to be ready to lead because all the leaders die in most of the battle you don't save your leaders because they're so valuable in the back the leaders expend themselves they die first so it was in 1967 in Quang Tree province where one of America's precious medal of honors was won by a marine I don't know his first name his last name was Bobo Lieutenant Bobo ambushed by a North Vietnamese army regulars trapped his men dying on every side his own leg blown off by a mortar round the men said we have to get you out of here we have to evacuate you soon as possible he said and it's not going to happen that way it took a shovel they dug a hole they stuck his stump in the hole they propped him up they gave him their guns and their grenades and he single handedly held off the Vietnamese while they retreated off the hill they said as they ran down the hill the safety they heard the boom boom boom boom of his gun until it was silent that's a leader the leader died the leader expenses life for the well-being of those that are led who was like that not you and I Jesus hangs on the cross Jesus props himself against the cross and he bears the wrath of God that we deserve that's a leader no man will lead his wife or his family like that until he's tasted of that kind of love from Jesus himself we cannot produce what we have not experienced ourselves secondly mature masculinity accepts responsibility to provide the initiative of leadership the Bible tells us is the first Adam blew it the first Adam was to protect his wife he was to protect the sanctuary of the garden he didn't he wasn't on guard the evil one came in tempted his wife she succumbed to the temptation and where was Adam he was right there look at it it's in your outline when the woman saw the tree was good for food it was the light of the eyes the tree was desirable to make one wise she took from his fruit and ate and she gave also to her husband what does it say he was with her he was with her but he was silent he did not lead man's major problem today is not being domineering but passive he chooses to stay out of the line of fire he refuses to open his mouth and assert himself and lead because very often he's dealing with a wife who resist that leadership I want to tell you something in all my years in ministry the most dominant thing that I have women come in and tell me is I want my husband to lead the family I'm going to tell you something else to some degree they don't why because they're sinners and just as men are reluctant to lead women are reluctant to be led and so if the man says I don't lead my family because my wife isn't cooperative tough she's not going to be cooperative because she's a center you lead anyway you don't lead because she likes it you don't lead because she wants it you lead because God's giving you that responsibility you don't lead because it works out well if you do it may get worse if you do but you lead because you answered a God for your for your stewardship over this wife and your children and your family that means the man takes the initiative over the spiritual life of this family and let's face it by men and large it's women who take the spiritual initiative to care for their family it means the man steps forward and says does my family pray I'll see to it that they do does my family attend worship I'll see to it that they do and they'll be there every week they'll be there when we go on vacation 52 weeks out of the year will be in worship we don't miss because as for me and my house we will what we will serve the Lord it's the man who says the financial priorities in this house will be a life built around God I will not try to please my wife by by pampering her with lots of nice things because her soul and the souls of my children don't constantly need more things they need Jesus and I will financially leave my family so that we are self sacrificial in our giving whether my wife and my kids like it or not I'm a leader leaders do hard things we will organize our family so that we go on family missions trips so that my children have the experience of serving they paint somebody's house they give their lives away the first orientation of planning the summer is not to get them to Disney World in six flags it's to give them opportunities to expend their life for Jesus State because I am a man and the first priority of my life is to get my children to heaven and in nurture the soul of my wife I will take the spiritual initiative for that Jesus didn't avoid the fray did he stepped right into the firestorm the man takes the initiative in the discipline of the children and that obviously the woman disciplines the children often the man isn't there but there's a pattern of initiative that says I am overall responsible for the behavior of my children and I will set the pattern for that and so the the rules that will be abided by in this house the the dating rules that my children will have I will establish them I will fight for the chastity of my daughters I will I will teach my son and expect of him and hold him accountable to treat women like a gentleman that's the man's responsibility I tell you I'll be honest with you I've seen situations in public where I have seen guys mulling girls I mean physically way over the line and and vice versa I mean almost undressing each other in a public place and there's times where I've wanted to get up and and people I knew people in the church and wanted to get up and and go say that's just not appropriate but I felt constrained you know why because sitting next to the guy and the girl were there parents can't talk to the kids I'd have to talk to the parents I'd have to say to the parents what in the Sam Hill are you doing get off your stuff and get involved are you handing your children over it's not easy it's a fight it's a battle that's why it requires men the Bible says act like men romance men should take the initiative without a move towards their wife she doesn't respond everything God's word tells you to do you can say my wife the problem God doesn't tell you to get your wife to behave he'll take care of that just do what you're supposed to do and humble yourself and realize how wow is he a job you're doing at it's a move towards your wife love your wife delight in the wife of your youth and it's important a thing as moving towards your wife is moving away from other women create effective barriers between inappropriate intimacy with other women one of the things that women appreciate most is when they can be around men who are not their spouses and have the security and freedom to know that those men are disciplining themselves and making the appropriate steps to move away from inappropriate dealings with those women that allows women to thrive when they know that listen one of the greatest problems we have in America and one of the greatest problems we have apparently in the North American Church's pornography and I'd say to the men in this room and in a gathering this size there would be a number of men struggling with that it's it is a cancer to the soul and it's a cancer to to relationships and and men you got to deal with it you got to put it to death inside yourself you got to seek the help you need this is not it is not that is that that is the exact opposite of being a man that's pornography is the coward who can't relate to a woman he he'd rather relate to a piece of paper an image because he's afraid guess what men we're all afraid dealing with women well we'll save that we'll save that for the men's retreat someday is the responsibility of the men to take the initiative in provision and protection the man is to provide for his family does that mean women shouldn't work in a in the marketplace let me tell you something women always have our goal isn't to go back to the 1950s women should be at home I hear this whole time in the church women should be at home who said women have a primary responsibility when it comes to caring for the children we're going to talk about that next week but but women have always helped their husbands feed their families and provide for them and but I want to say that there's no bread on the table God's not going to come looking for the woman to answer for that men take the initiative in protecting women it's women in children in the life boats first why because men are better swimmers because it is given to men to assume the burden of responsibility for the protection of women we know innately that no kind of man walking through the park has an assailant jump out and shoves his wife forward who says you take the blow honey and let me add no kind of nation shoves its daughters forward to serve in the military in positions of combat and says what kind of man what kind of man would say daughter go protect me
that would be a disgrace on any land wouldn't it so let me say this do you think the pastor does all this right I haven't served my family like I like I love my job too much I expend too much emotional capital in this place and reserve too little for my home I don't provide the leadership initiative in so many ways and you know I you don't either and and that's what churches force come to place to admit that only Jesus is the perfect husband and only Jesus is the perfect father and how desperately we need him we come to this place and say God I don't want to make I don't want you to make me a man to try to earn your favor I have your favor because Jesus righteousness covers me but being covered by that righteousness and in your family would you teach me how to be like Jesus and would you make me more like him that's our prayer there's one last point there in that section it says this I'm going to figure it out for yourselves mature masculinity will adapt to cultural expressions of masculinity I mean God tells men to dress like men and women like women and there's a line there and the lines different in different cultures but every culture has a line and people know what it is if I was standing up here this morning and high heels in a skirt I said that in the last service and a couple guys winked at me so I've got my work cut out for me but some others held their stomachs but if I was up here dressed like that you would know that I'd cross the line so there's a line isn't there and it doesn't do a culture well to rub that line out and pretend there isn't there is a line and the mature man honors it determines where it is and honors it one last word our men necessary Gloria Steinem says not women need a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle right what she says our men necessary I think so culture needs men to be men back like men the church needs men desperately Jesus committed the entire leadership of his world-saving enterprise to who who did he pick who did he train culture needs men the church needs men and my goodness little boys and girls need men something about a father's physical and emotional presence gives life to a boy masculine life just being around dad watching him shave hearing him laugh touching his flesh this emotional capital can't be gained anywhere other than in the presence of a father someday they'll gather around and decide what they're going to put in our tombstone right what are they going to say of us man he made a mean welcome holy friend of mine told me that he remembers his dad when he was in high school his dad was a fanatic about going to everything he did he really mattered to his dad but his dad was sort of over the edge and he was always embarrassed about it as a kid he said he can remember one football game when an absolute monsoon hit and every parent fled the stand he looked up there you couldn't even see the stands basically but through the the rain and the the torrential down for there were about seven people left standing there and one of them was his dad let us a rat you know stand up there and he says I remember playing the game and looking up and seeing my dad standing there at you know so intense like like it was you know 80 degrees clear day out there I knew and he said I looked up and I said my dad what a fool he is he said 20 years later I'd bring the same recollection to mine and I see my dad standing in those stands so enraptured with me in my life and I say my dad what a man don't you covet that on your tombstone God's word says if God has a word for us man rise up and act like men