Jesus, Generation X'ers, Millennial Children & Parents: Is Obedience Obsolete?

By Rev. John P. Sartelle

Rev. John P. Sartelle is the Senior Minister of Tates Creek Presbyterian Church in Lexington, KY.

Our Scripture reading this morning comes from Ephesians chapter five. I’m going to read verse 21, and then chapter six, verses 1–4.

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—“that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

The grass withers and the flower fades, but the Word of our God will stand forever.

Let’s return to the passage we read a few moments ago from Ephesians chapters five and six—one verse from chapter five, verse 21, and then the first few verses of chapter six.

Jesus, Generation Xers, Millennial children, and parents—this subject is not obsolete. It’s one we don’t like. The subject is submission.

Paul has been meddling—has been meddling in our lives—showing the difference between the Christian and the non Christian in everyday life. His words have been tough. When he came to chapter five, verse 21, he said that one way you’ll see the difference between the Christian and the non Christian in everyday, mundane life is that there will be a spirit of submission about the Christian’s life. The world looks for authority and power. The Christian looks to be a servant. How dynamic and powerful is that?

And then Paul came down to the place where submission is the hardest: the home. There is no harder place to show submission than in the home. And he said, “If you are submissive to Christ, then here is what that means to the wife inside the home. Here is what submission to Christ means to the husband inside the home.”

We saw that both husband and wife are submissive to each other—the wife in following her husband’s leadership, and the husband in loving his wife as Christ loved the church, sacrificing all of himself, his will, and everything for her.

This morning we come to children. We come to sons and daughters—young people. Are you submissive to Jesus Christ? Here is what submission to Christ means for you inside the home.

We’ll talk about that in a moment. But young people, if you’re here—and I think your parents have corralled a bunch of you into this room this morning—you be sure your parents are here next week, because we’ll say some words to them about what submission to Christ means for them in the home.

As we begin, I want to read a quote for young people. Children, you will not appreciate this as much as your parents will. So before they check out and stop listening, let’s give them this quote. We’ve talked about husbands and wives; today we’ll talk about children; next week, parents. What should all of this lead us to? What is Christ trying to do in all of this? What should this make of us in our homes?

Several weeks ago, I read a quote from Sir Francis Bacon. I’m not a fan of Sir Francis Bacon—quite the opposite, in fact. I was surprised he said this, but he did, and it needs to be noted. It could have been said by one of the apostles. He talks about homes and families and children—and this is what God is doing. This is what Christ is doing.

Listen to Sir Francis Bacon:

“It is a reverent thing to see an ancient castle or building not in decay, or to see a fair timber tree sound and perfect. How much more to behold an ancient and noble family which has stood against the waves and weather of time.”

That is what Christ—what our Father in heaven—is about: building noble and ancient families that will stand against the waves and weather of time.

Well, if you’re a Christian—if you’re a young person submitting to Jesus Christ—what does that say about your relationship to your parents? Let’s talk about it and see what Paul says here.

Submission first means admitting that you are in this category—admitting, “This is me. It’s talking to me.” We talked to husbands—not talking to me. We talked to wives—not talking to me. We talked to parents—not talking to me. Now Paul talks to children. That’s me.

Look at chapter six, verse 1: Children. The Greek word used here is technon. It’s a broad and general term. It’s used in the New Testament to designate “children of light,” “children of God,” “children of promise.” There is another Greek word for child—paidon. That word describes an infant or a very young elementary age child. Paul does not use paidon here. He uses a general term that covers many ages, from the youngest to the oldest.

I’ve taken time to say this because, honestly, none of us likes to be called children. When our parents call us a child, we say, “I’m not a child.” If you’re 15 or 14 or 13 this morning and your parents call you a child, you resent it. Youth, maybe. Adolescents, maybe. Teenagers, the ’90s generation, young adults—but don’t call me “child.”

Well, you need to know that no matter what moniker you use, what title you prefer—this is talking to you.

I grew up in the country. The nearest town was seven miles away, and it was very small. This was farming country, and in the country we could not leave our front gate open. If we left the gate open, the cows and sheep came in. Now, I didn’t mind that because I cut the yard, and I wished they’d graze there all the time. But they made a mess, and Mom and Dad liked the yard, so the gate had to be closed.

We had become lax about closing the gate, and my father laid down the law: “You will close the gate or suffer the consequences.” Well, someone left the gate open, and he gathered the family in the kitchen and said, “All right—who left the gate open?”

Pat didn’t confess, Preston didn’t confess, and I didn’t confess. Everyone was silent. And so he said—young people, have you ever been here? — he said, “We will stay in this room until someone confesses.”

My sister Pat was 16 years old, only one year away from leaving for college. She was very mature for her age, but she did something very immature. She wanted to leave. She didn’t want to put up with this. And she said, “I am 16 years old. I am too old to spank. So I will say I did it, and we can leave this room.”

And she said it—just to leave.

Well, she was not that old. She wasn’t nearly as old as she thought she was. And you need to know that my father would never have spanked us for leaving a gate open. He would have disciplined us in some way, but not for that. That wasn’t rebellion. But it was irresistible.

And when my sister said, “I am too old to spank,” I often think she was walking right past my father—and faster than I could blink, she was across his knee, and he was spanking her. It was her last spanking, but it was her most embarrassing spanking.

Now, if you’re in high school or college this morning, don’t do to God what Pat did to my father. Don’t say, “Well, God, I am too old for this. Obviously you’re addressing children, and I am not one of those.” Be careful. This is a broad term—a very broad term—covering children of all ages, from the cradle right up through high school and college.

Don’t look down at these words and say, “I’m too mature.” Think about this: if you’re in your last year of high school, or a junior in high school, think about what will happen in the next six years. Think of the huge decisions you will make. You will decide whether to go to college or not. You will decide which college you will attend. You will decide what your major will be in light of what you want to do with your life. Then, after you graduate, you’ll decide what your vocation will be. You will decide where you will live. You will decide whom you will marry.

For those decisions, you will need more wisdom and input than you can possibly imagine. What I’m trying to say is that even though your parents, right now, as you are a junior in high school, are beginning to open their hand and let you go—even though that is happening—in the next six years you will need your parents and their wisdom more than you did when you were six years old. Because the decisions you will make in the next six years will make the decisions you made as a six year old pale in comparison.

This is for young people. This is for young children. If you’re in the first or second or fourth grade this morning, there is no reason why you can’t understand every word of this message. We tend to think Christianity is for grown ups. Teenagers think Christianity is for people who are married and settled. “I’ll get back to it when I get through high school or college.”

If you think you’re too little, just remember, children, that it was the kindergarteners, the first graders, the third graders whom Jesus was talking to one day. His disciples tried to chase them away and said, “Let Him alone. He’s got too much to do. It’s a grown up world.” And Jesus turned to His disciples and rebuked them. He said, “Leave these children alone. They’re My friends.” And He said, “I’ll tell you, if you’re going to be in the kingdom, you need to be more like these little children.”

So listen up, little children. Jesus was talking to you in this passage. He knows your name. He talks to you, and He takes time to talk to you in His Word.

Teenager, remember that a young man named John Mark was there with Jesus. John Mark was a teenager—your age—and it was serious business because he was dealing with Christ.

So if you’re five years old right now, say, “Hey, this passage is about me.” If you’re 15 years old, “This passage is about me.” If you’re 20 years old, “This passage is about me.”

Submission first means admitting, “I am in this category.”

Secondly, submission to Christ means active submission to parents. This is what we don’t want to hear. If you’re going to submit to Christ, it means submission to parents.

Look at verse 21 of chapter five: Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Everything that comes after that—the husband, the wife, the children—Paul is still reaching back up to 5:21. Submission. Submission to Christ means you will be submissive in other relationships. It means that if you are a child and you are submissive to Christ, you will be submissive to your parents.

Now, you’re like me. When I was 10, I didn’t like my parents’ authority. I didn’t like authority, period. I’m 53, young people, and I still don’t like authority.

Do you ever ask yourself why God invented parents? Why He gave parents authority over children? Those are good questions.

When you were born, you could not feed yourself. You needed someone to buy the milk, heat the bottle, get up in the middle of the night to feed you. Without parents, you would have starved. You ever seen a baby two days old go out and buy milk, prepare the bottle? No—won’t happen.

Then you needed someone to protect you. You needed someone to provide a house for you, buy clothes for you, teach you to dress and tie your shoes.

Now here’s where a major mistake is made. What happens once we learn those things—once we learn to feed ourselves, dress ourselves, tie our shoes? We think, “I can take care of myself. Thank you very much. So get out of my face. The job’s done.”

The Bible says God gave us parents for another reason. He gave us parents because we have a sin nature. We have a natural desire to sin. God gave us parents to discipline our sin nature, to restrain our sin nature, and to nurture us.

Did your parents sit you down when you were five years old and say, “Now, you’re a great child, and you don’t know about the bad in the world, so I’ve got to teach you to lie”? Did you ever go through lying lessons with your parents? You didn’t have to, did you? You knew how to lie as soon as you knew how to talk.

I’ve watched a child a year and a half old—couldn’t even talk. The parent walks into the room, and he’s just turned over something he knew he shouldn’t have touched. The parent says, “Did you do that?” And when he gets older, he’ll even say, “Daddy did it.”

See, we have a nature to lie. We don’t have a nature to tell the truth. That’s what parents are for—to teach us.

The Minnesota Crime Commission—now, I love it when the non Christian, secular world affirms what the Bible teaches—did just that a few years ago. They were studying crime and juvenile delinquency, and this is what they wrote:

“Every baby starts life as a little savage. He is completely selfish and self centered. He wants what he wants when he wants it: his bottle, his mother’s attention, his playmate’s toys, his uncle’s watch, or whatever. Deny him these, and he seethes and rages, and his aggressiveness, with which he would be murderous were he not so helpless. He is dirty. He has no morals, no knowledge, no developed skills. This means that all children—not just certain children, but all children—are born delinquent. If permitted to continue in their self centered world of infancy, given free rein to their impulsive actions to satisfy each want, every child would grow up a criminal, a thief, a killer, a rapist.”

We don’t want to believe that—not about our precious children. But if we don’t understand that, we’re not ready to raise our children. And children, we must say plainly: that’s what Scripture says about us. And I want to tell you—that’s what I was, and what I am: a sinner with a sinful nature.

That’s why God gave us parents—not just to prepare the bottle when we’re a week old, not just to teach us to tie our shoes, but to restrain the sinful nature inside us and teach us to do what is right.

When Paul Jess was an infant—18 months old—he lived in Perth, Australia. One day his mother walked in where Paul was playing and found that he was swallowing a snake. He had swallowed eight inches of a foot long viper; she could just see the tail wiggling out of his mouth. Of course, she reached down and yanked the snake from his mouth. Now, Paul did not want to let that snake go; he wanted to eat it. But she prevailed and rushed him to the hospital. The snake was identified as extremely poisonous, but the doctors discovered that little Paul didn’t even have a scratch.

When I read this account, two facts grabbed me. First, young people: he tried to eat that snake. Secondly, when his mother took it from him, he was not appreciative. He was upset with her.

There’s a great lesson in that. Children of all ages—without mothers and fathers, we would go around swallowing snakes.

You say, “Well, that’s true of an 18 month old, but I’m 17 years old, and I don’t eat snakes.” Well, if you’re 17, your parents have started letting you go—or they should have by now. But you need them for more than just tuition. You know how we get ready to go to school and say, “Mom and Dad, all I need from you is tuition and a little spending money.” Change that: tuition and a whole lot of spending money. “That’s all I need.”

But you know that’s not true.

The number one killer of young people in college is driving while drunk. How come I have a constant stream of high school and college students through my office doing pot or coke? How come the abortion clinics next to college campuses are overrun with business? How come date rape is a major problem on every campus?

You see, many of us in high school and college are just like Paul Jess. We are still swallowing snakes.

Now go back to the original principle. What’s the point? When we show reverence to Christ, we must obey our parents—from the cradle until we are completely out of the house. We cannot say, “Well, I’ll follow Jesus. I’m going to be a Christian, but I will not obey my parents in this thing.”

He did not say, “Obey your parents when they’re right.” He said, Obey your parents. He did not say, “Obey your parents when you feel like it.” He said, Obey your parents. He did not say, “Obey your parents when you think they’re right.” He said, Obey your parents.

Now, there is the matter of violating conscience. He did not say violate your conscience—but that is not usually where we are.

You see what Paul is saying here: when you obey your parents, you are obeying Christ.

Jimmy was a young boy in Sunday school—there every Sunday morning. His teacher had been teaching on this verse, and one morning she really got the lesson across: when you obey your parents, you’re really obeying Jesus. When you do something for your parents, you’re actually doing it for Him.

Well, Jimmy had something occur in his life about twice a year that he hated. I can identify with this—my mom used to do the same thing. Jimmy had two Saturdays a year that were “window washing Saturdays.” He had to go through the house and wash all the windows. He hated it with a passion. He would get up that morning and drag his feet. It would take him an hour just to prepare everything. Then every fifteen minutes he’d take a thirty minute break. It took him well into the night to finish. He hated it.

But after that Sunday school lesson, just a couple of weeks later, window washing Saturday rolled around again. Jimmy got up early. He had everything ready in ten minutes. He didn’t take any breaks. In fact, he finished so early his mother was astonished. To reward him, she took him out for a hamburger and milkshake.

She sat there and said, “Jimmy, I’m so glad you like washing windows now. It used to be such a burden to get you to do it. I’m so glad you like it.”

He said, “Mom, stop. I hate washing windows. I hate it as much today as I ever have. I hate it more today than I ever have.”

She said, “Well then why did you do it so easily? Why weren’t you dragging your feet?”

Jimmy said, “Mom, I learned something. Jesus said when your parents give you something to do that you hate—when they give you something you don’t like—Jesus looks at you and says, ‘Hey Jim, don’t do it for your parents. Do it for Me.’”

Now folks, that’s not maudlin. That’s exactly what Jesus says.

Young person, when your parents give you something you don’t want to do—when it’s hard to obey—say, “I’m not going to do this for them. I’m going to do this for Jesus.” The key to obeying your parents when it’s hard is not whether you’ll be submissive to your parents; it’s whether you’ll be submissive to Jesus Christ.

Submission first means admitting you’re in this category—that you are children. Submission to Christ means active submission to parents.

Thirdly, Christian submission is accompanied by an attitude of honor. Now this one hurts.

Christian submission is accompanied with an attitude of honor. Look at verse 2: Honor your father and your mother. Obey them—that’s an action. Honor—that’s an attitude. He says, “Obey your parents,” but not in cold resentment. Show respect. Give esteem to your parents.

Let me ask you, young people—whether you’re five years old, fifteen, or twenty—what is on your insides? What do you feel toward your parents? He says, “Honor your father and your mother.”

In the military, when a first lieutenant gives an order to a sergeant, what does the sergeant do? He obeys. The lieutenant may say, “Take the jeep across the compound,” or “Take that platoon, charge up the hill, and hold it.” Whatever the order, the sergeant obeys. But what else does he do? He salutes. Why? Honor. Respect.

The code of the military is that you obey in the chain of command, but you always add the salute—honor, respect, esteem.

Paul is saying here: you not only do what you’re told, young person, but you salute. You show respect.

Now, I don’t want any of your parents calling me tomorrow morning telling me you’ve become a smart aleck because you’re saluting every time they give a command. That’s not what this means.

You know what’s wrong with slamming doors? What’s wrong with angry, bitter answers? What’s wrong with temper tantrums? Many of us as children say, “I obey. I obey. I really do obey.” But we obey with resentment. We obey slamming doors. We obey while angry. We obey gritting our teeth. There’s no honor. No salute. We whine, complain, and resent.

Parents—and we’ll talk more about this next week—that’s why we not only discipline for obedience. Some of us are making a sad mistake. We discipline our children to make them obey, but we don’t discipline them to make them show honor. It is very important that children learn to show honor.

I never said “yeah” to my parents. I never said “no” in that disrespectful tone. Now, I had plenty of sins—young people, plenty—but I was never disrespectful in my parents’ home. I’m sure I did it once, but only once.

I found the answer one day. I had a brother eight years younger. When he was little—he doesn’t even remember this happening—we were in the kitchen. Mother told Mike something, and he just looked at her and said, “No.” I turned around and looked at him like, “Are you nuts?” He said, “No,” and then very casually brushed past her and walked away disrespectfully.

My father was in his study. He came out—he had heard it all. Dad had been in the Marine Corps ten years. He landed with the first wave at Iwo Jima. He was tough, young people. This was before the day of “time out.” Mike’s time was almost up that afternoon.

But I’ll tell you this: for as long as I lived at home, I never heard Mike say anything else disrespectful to his mother or father. And I’m sure I did what Mike did—but I’m sure I only did it once. Because we were disciplined not only to obey—we were disciplined to respect and honor.

Young person, let me tell you something. You make a big deal out of obedience. But if I had to choose between having the obedience of my children and having the respect of my children, I would choose the respect every time. I would choose the honor every time.

Don’t say, “Well, I obeyed. It was by the hardest—I gritted my teeth—but I obeyed.” No. Say, “I obeyed with honor. With honor. I salute you.”

Submission first means admitting you’re in this category. Submission to Christ means active submission to parents. If you want to submit to Christ, you must submit to parents. Christian submission is accompanied with an attitude of honor.

Fourthly—and I’ve got to talk fast now—submission to parents as a child will reap benefits throughout your life.

Look at verses 2 and 3: Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise: that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.

I don’t want to spend a lot of time here, but let me correct something. When I was your age, young people, I used to look at that and say, “Well, I’m not going to live very long. I’m going to die young. I’ve had trouble obeying, and the Bible says if you obey your parents, you’ll live a long life.”

Is God saying, “Obey your parents and you’ll live to be 85”? No. Does God come down and say, “John, you obeyed—you get to live to 85. Alice, you obeyed better—you get to live to 95”? No.

God is saying that when you obey your parents, you are apt to be out of harm’s way. We usually put ourselves at greater risk when we are disobedient.

I can tell you the first two lessons you learned inside your home. First: “Don’t touch that hot stove. It’s hot.” Second: “Don’t walk in the street.” Did your parents tell you these things because they were trying to be killjoys? Trying to stop the party? Trying to limit your freedom? No. They told you these things because they didn’t want you to get burned. They didn’t want you to get hurt. They were protecting your life. They were trying to save you from pain. They were trying to keep you alive and prolong your life.

That’s what Paul is saying here. “Children, obey your parents because life is a lot easier when you obey your parents. Things will go smoother, and you will live longer. You’re apt to live longer when you obey your parents.”

So—submission to Christ means first admitting, “I’m a child; I’m in this category.” Second, it means being submissive to parents: “Mom and Dad, what do you want me to do? I’ll do it. When I obey you, I obey Christ. When I don’t want to obey you, I’ll obey Christ anyway—and that means I’ll obey you.”

Christian submission is accompanied with honor. Submission to parents reaps benefits throughout your life.

Fifthly, and finally—this is it.

Listen up. After you are an adult, you will see your childhood again. Are you five today? When you become an adult, you’ll see your fifth year again. Are you fifteen? You’ll see your fifteenth year again. You’ll see your twentieth year again.

I don’t get this from the Ephesians passage directly, but the message would be incomplete without it. In Galatians 6:7, Paul says, “Don’t be deceived. God is not mocked. Whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.” What you sow at five years old, you will reap. What you sow at ten, you will reap. What you sow at fifteen, you will reap.

That’s why, if you’re fifteen or twenty years old and you’re thinking, “Well, I’ll check back into Christianity when I’m getting married and settled. Until then, I’m checking out”—that’s why you don’t say that. Because every day you are sowing, and every day you sow, there will be a day to reap. And you know when you reap? It’s not the next day, or the next week, or even the next month. Usually, you reap years and years later.

After you’re an adult, you will see your childhood again.

Some of you know where I’m heading with this, young people. First, I want to tell you that your parents will make mistakes in raising you. Plenty of them. If you’re thirteen this morning, they’re not making as many mistakes as you think they are—but they are making mistakes. Don’t get agitated about it. Parents are like you: limited in knowledge. They don’t know everything. And on top of that, they’re sinners. They will make mistakes—many, many mistakes. It’s a scary thing. The scariest thing I’ve ever done is being a parent.

But don’t be too hard on these parents who make all those mistakes, because one day you will be a parent too. And you will be limited in your knowledge. You will not know everything. You will be a sinner. You will make mistakes. And you will be scared to death.

What am I saying? I’m saying this: what goes around comes around.

You know when you’ll regret the sins of your childhood the most? When you’re a parent. I know it from experience. I know it from Scripture. I saw the sins of my fifth year when I saw my children’s fifth year. I saw the sins of my fifteenth year when my children were fifteen. I saw the sins of my twentieth year when my children were twenty.

You will see the sins you committed as a child. You will see them in your children.

Now, that may not scare you today because you’re ten or twelve. It should scare you a little if you’re eighteen or nineteen, because nothing has changed my attitude toward my sin more than seeing my sin repeated in my children.

A few years ago, we had a secretary here at Independent—we loved her so much. Her name was Jenny Wonderlick. Many of you knew and loved her. The Lord took her home a few years ago. We were talking one day about obedience and children and seeing your sins in your children. Jenny told me a great story.

Her daughter Gay—one of her two daughters—was running around the house one day, just rampant. Jenny couldn’t control her, couldn’t get her hands on her. It was one of those days, and Gay was having the run of the house. Jenny’s father was visiting—Gay’s grandfather. Jenny turned to her father, exasperated, and said, “Dad, why don’t you do something about your grandbaby? This is your grandchild. Why don’t you do something?”

Jenny’s father looked at her—with a gleam in his eye, remembering the past—and said, “Jenny, I hope she gives you hell.”

What was he saying? “Jenny, I remember that in you.”

Young people, God tells you this morning: what goes around comes around. Your children will obey and honor you the same way you obey and honor your parents. That’s serious.

Some of you have a hard time with your parents. Some of you have been kicking and kicking and kicking for months, for weeks, for years. I want to tell you how to stop—right at the end of this message.

Get your heart right with Jesus Christ. Bow your knee to Him in His sanctuary this morning. Bow your heart to Jesus Christ—maybe for the first time, maybe for the fiftieth time. Bow your knee to Jesus Christ, and He will solve your problem with obedience to your parents.

You’ll never learn obedience if you walk out of here saying, “Mom and Dad, I’m going to obey you. I’m going to honor you. I’m going to grit my teeth and do it.” You’ll never do it.

There is only one way you’ll do it: go to Calvary and bow as a sinner who needs a Savior. Ask Him to change your life. Ask Him to change your heart. You’ll be surprised how much easier it will be to obey your parents.

This article is based upon a verbatim transcript of a sermon by Rev. John P. Sartelle. It has been lightly edited in Copilot, as well as by the theological staff of Third Millennium Ministries.