Take your Bibles and turn to Proverbs chapter 18. We want to talk about a proverb of peace. I know one of the most difficult things in life to do for everybody, for me, as well as for you, is to communicate clearly and objectively when our emotions are high. It's impossible for a young person who's in love to face honestly, whether or not the other person is someone they should marry. People seldom are able to tell the real facts behind why their team lost the way they did, or why their candidate that they were so enthusiastic about did not get elected. People find it impossible to think clearly when there's a tragedy in the family, when death or injury, or some other sorrowful thing strikes the family. And it becomes very difficult for us to express objectively to other people the facts around our own source of disappointment or distress or pain. One of the toughest assignments in life is to communicate clearly what happened during a time when emotions were high. I came across some actual comments of people who had to fill out insurance reports for why they had a car accident. This is what they said. One person said, I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. Here's another one. The guy was all over the road. I had to swear several times before I hit him. This is my favorite. I pulled away from the side of the road, simply glanced once up my mother-in-law and drove over the embankment. That kind of explains things, doesn't it? Here's the best one. The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy and a little car with a big mouth. It's hard to really, you notice in all of these reports it was the other person's fault. Now some people, some people can be objective about accidents. This is an actual accident report that a guy filled out. He was hurt on a job. He was a brick layer. A Chuck Swindall includes this in a book he wrote several decades ago called The True Report. This is what he said. Listen to this. Dear sirs, I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number three of the accident, I put down the reason trying to do the job alone as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I needed to explain more fully and I trust that the following details would be sufficient. I am the brick layer by trade. On the date of the accident, I was working on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had about 500 pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry the bricks by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor. Securing the rope at the ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to secure it and to ensure a slow descent of 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in block number 11 of the accident report that I waived 135 pounds. To my surprise at being lifted off the ground suddenly, I lost my presence of mine and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at the rather rapid rate up the side of the building. Around the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This explains the fractured skull and the broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid descent not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were too knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time, I'd regained my presence of mine and was able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of my pain. At approximately the same moment of time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Right of the weight of the bricks, the barrel then weighed approximately 50 pounds. I refer again to my weight in block number 11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor again, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations on my legs and lower body area. The encounter with the barrel only slowed me enough to lessen my entries when I fell onto the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to poor, however, that at that moment, I lost sense of my grip in all of this pain I was unable to hold onto the rope. I lost my presence of mine and let go. The enter barrel now weighing more than the rope came down at me suddenly, and that explains why it broke both my legs. I hope I have finished all the information you have required sincerely, and then he signs the name. There's a guy who's pretty objective about what happened, but he's a rare bird indeed. Rare is the person who meets with disappointment and is able to objectively see the facts and honestly report these facts to others. That's why Solomon in the Book of Proverbs has a lot of statements about telling the truth. And I want to direct your attention to four Proverbs in a chapter that's all about truth telling, chapter 18, and I want you to look with me and follow with me as I read Proverbs chapter 18 verses 16 through 19. A man's gifts make room for him and bring him before the great. The one who states his case first seems right until the other comes and examines him. The lot puts an end to quarrels and decides between powerful contenders. A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city and quarreling is like the bars of a castle. Now these seem like random statements, but actually folks, they fit together. Here's what Solomon is telling us. He's saying, first of all, bribes can purchase a favorable hearing for a person who is wealthy. That is Proverbs 16. A man's gifts make room for him and bring him before the great. He's able to hire an attorney that a poor man cannot. He's able to make a bribe to a judge to get a favorable dispensation that a poor man is not. The second Proverbs 17 has to do with telling both sides of the story. The one who states his case first seems right until the other comes and examines him. There's always two sides of the story and both need to be heard in a court of law. The third Proverbs verse 18 says, the lot puts an end to quarrels and decides between powerful contenders, meaning that there are some things that are so complex and so emotionally charged that men cannot make a rational informed decision and it is up to the Lord to cast the lot and let him make the decision between right and wrong. And finally he says, the closer the relationship or the friendship, the harder it is to work through difficulties. Verse 19, a brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city and quarreling is like the bars of a castle. The relational and psychological and emotional barriers made by the offense make reconciliation and justice almost impossible and the wounded heart becomes an impregnable castle with roles to protect itself rather than an open heart seeking restitution and reconciliation. The closer the relationship, the greater the alienation when an offense is taken. It's this Proverb chapter 18 verse 17 that I want to look at this morning. A Proverb, I call it a proverb of peace. It says, the one who states his case first seems right until the other comes and examines him. Why? Why look at this? Because increasingly folks, we are living in a culture of outlandish subjectivity. We find it hard to listen to the other side. In fact, we only want to hear what we want to hear, our side of the story. We believe only what our friends say. We tend to make decisions before all the facts are in. It is our lot in life to judge others unfairly before we hear both sides of the story. Look at verse 13, if one gives an answer before he hears, it is to his folly and shame. If one gives an answer before he hears both sides of the story, it is to his folly and shame. This is not folks, an academic exercise. I spend a lot of my time as a pastor as I'm sure most pastors do. Creating between alienated parties. People who are upset with the school because their student was disciplined, a coach who didn't play their child enough in sore activities. An employee who leaves the church and does so unhappily. A session that makes a decision about some financial support and those affected are offended by it. Someone who gets upset with another in the church or brings a complaint against the elders or the pastors or when your friends conjecture upon another person's motives, I'm often brought back to this verse. The one who states his case first seems right until the other comes and examines him. I want us to see that this little proverb is a tool for life. In fact, the Puritans used to call it a tool for relationships. It involves three things, here they are. Our duty to pass on an honest report, secondly, our responsibility to hear both sides of the story and thirdly, our sacred obligation to render the judgment of charity. Those are the three things I want to look at this morning because they're all derived from this proverb. First of all, God expects Christians to pass on an honest report. The one who states his case first seems right until the other comes and examines him. This proverb warns us against the human and sinful tendency to always make ourselves look good by making others with whom we disagree, look evil or unjust or sinister. The old Puritan Charles Bridges said, here we are warned against justifying ourselves. Self-flattery is our cherished nature, highly valuing our fancied excellencies, very blind to our real imperfections. So ready are we to place our own cause in a strong light and sometimes almost unconsciously to cast a shade over or even omit what might seem to balance on the opposite side? It is very difficult for us to state facts and circumstances with perfect accuracy where our own name or credit is concerned, while that is obviously true. We should know better, folks, than to pass on to our loved ones and our friends a one-sided story intended to justify ourselves, vilify another person, and garner support and sympathy for us irrespective of the evidence or the facts. That my friends is the rule of politics. We are seeing it all over the screen with the debates and the ads, the twisting of facts, the ignoring of evidence, sovaculty choosing information, manipulating statistics, not answering embarrassing questions, blaming the other party for all of the failures of our nation, lying about the truth. Wouldn't we be better if each candidate simply filled out a long form on where they stood on all the key issues posted on the internet and we would make up our minds? Rule number one, according to this proverb is, we don't lie. We don't misinterpret the facts. We don't paint a slanderous picture of another person. We get people an accurate appraisal of the events if they need it so that they can make a truthful informed opinion. People must be able, I mean you owe it to your brothers and sisters in Christ, in fact you owe it to anybody, to give them truthful information so that they might make a decision. I want you to go back to the beginning of chapter 18 and look at all of the ways that Solomon says this in different forms throughout this chapter, verses two and three, a fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion. When wickedness comes, contempt comes also and with dishonor comes disgrace. Verse five, it is not good to be partial to the wicked or to deprive the righteous of justice. Verse six, a fool's lips walk into a fight and his mouth invites a beating. Verse eight, the words of a whisperer, a gossip or like delicious morsels, they go down into the inner parts of the body. Verse thirteen, if one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly in shame. Verse fifteen, an intelligent heart acquires knowledge and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge. Verse seventeen, the one who states his case first seems right until the other comes and examines him. Verse twenty-one, death and life are in the power of the tongue and those who love it will eat its fruits. I want to give you a surefire way, folks. A surefire way to tell if your friend or loved one, your child, your spouse, your coworker, is telling you the truth or not when they come and give you their side of the story. If in their report there is contempt for the other person, they are lying. If they display in what they say about the other person's contempt, they are lying. That's what Proverbs says. Look again at verse three, when wickedness comes, contempt comes also, and with dishonor comes disgrace. If someone speaks with contempt towards another, you can be certain that an honest report has not taken place. Contempt always reveals bias, anger, and even hate. Such a soul cannot in that spiritual state render an accurate, factual, charitable report. If your report brings contempt dishonor and disgrace upon the other person who was not there to defend themselves, the new report is wickedness and it is a sinful lie. So important is this that Jesus Christ said in the Sermon on the Mount that to do so is to be libel of murder, the assassination of a person's reputation. Therefore he said let your yay be yay and your nay be nay and anything else is sin. Contempt and anger are two of the primary influences in our culture today. Anger is everywhere, but contempt is even worse. Because anger may be spontaneous and just a lack of maturity and self-control, contempt is a studied, purposeful, aimed degradation of another person in the eyes of people who are listening. And so, when we give a false report and when in our report we are treating the other person with contempt, we're calling them names, conjecturing upon their motives, saying that they did things they didn't do and said things that they didn't say. And that person is not there to defend themselves, loved ones, we have not rendered an accurate report. You may be blindly loyal to your family and friends, but your family and friends and your church deserve an honest report from you. They are due the whole truth. So if you must talk about a dispute, a disappointment or a disagreement. And I'm not so sure you always have to tell other people. Do so with full disclosure, don't prejudice the process of reconciliation by making yourself look right and the other person look contemptuous. That my friends is lying. So the first thing this proverb tells us is we render an honest report. Here's the second thing, God expects Christians to hear both sides of the story. The one who states his case first seems right until the other comes and examines him. This is the first and most obvious meaning of this little divinely inspired proverb where to hear both sides of every story before we make up our mind. One commentator said, as there are always two sides to every story, it is better to wait until both are heard before passing judgment. Even your closest loved ones are unable to present accurately and honestly in depth both sides of the story. It takes two people because the reason they're having a disagreement, the very fundamental cause of it, is that they're looking at the same thing in opposite directions which brings them into conflict. I wish I recounted you how many times I've had to hold the telephone away from my ear and comb somebody down or ask somebody at the other end of a very upset email to meet with me or to come and talk to me in my office and to hear the other side of the story. And whenever I have a chance to do that, it tends to change the way they feel. I need to warn you of another thing. When your friend calls you up and tells you this sad story of injustice, of abuse, of how people were out to get them, some conspiracy theory, they should not be believed. You know why? First of all, they shouldn't be telling you that in the first place. It was a private dispute between them and another person. They should have gone to Matthew 18 first. They should have said to the person they're upset with what they're saying to you, face-to-face. In addition to that, you need to know that the reason they're getting to you first is they want to prejudice the way you think, to garner your blind and uninformed support. Maybe because they're guilty. They're embarrassed, folks. I've noticed this after 30 years of pastoral misdeeds, usually the first person who comes and tells me how evil the second person is is the person who bears more of the guilt. It's a preemptive strike. It's a purposeful beating the other person to the punch so that the whole game is stacked against the other person. Why are your friends speaking so badly about another without that other person being there to defend them? How can you trust their integrity when the very process they've undertaken violates the golden rule due unto others what you would have them do unto you? Your friend who's doing that isn't much of a friend at that moment. They're using you and they're brainwashing you to think a certain way. I'd like you to turn to Proverbs 6 to show you just how important God sees this. Proverbs chapter 6, verse 16. There are six things that the Lord hates, yes, seven that are an abomination to him. Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breeze out lies, and the one who soes discord among brothers. Saying that four out of those seven things that God has said he hates have to do with a false report. That's why James warns us about the tongue that it is a powerful force for destructive influence, like a forest fire, an untamed beast. With it he says, we bless God in whose image we have been made and curse our brothers who are made in the image of God. And he says these things ought not to be. This principle is especially important when it comes to dealing with pastors and elders, and let me tell you why. If a person comes to see a pastor, listen to me carefully, it is incumbent upon the pastor, morally and legally, to maintain confidence. The other person goes out and says whatever he wants, but the pastor is never free to retaliate. He cannot tell his side of the story. To do so will bring a lawsuit, will injure other people, will hurt perhaps the church at large, and so oftentimes people in authority, principles of schools, teachers, and bosses, and pastors and us are at a disadvantage. And therefore the person who runs out and says this is what they did to me is striking someone who's unable to defend themselves. It's not a level playing field, and so we shouldn't listen to those who are in authority being bashed by other people. I have found in my 63 years of life that in rare, rare occasions those in authority were wrong. Rarely does the teacher do something deliberately mean to your child. Rarely does the coach play favorites against your son, rarely does the pastor like that of the person and not like your family. That's how we see it. That's how we report it to other people, but that's not the truth. We tend to trust the people who've earned that trust by being in the positions they are in and not listen to disaffected people who aren't happy. That leads to a third thing. God expects Christians to render the judgment of charity. The one who states his case first seems right until the other comes and examines him. This is implied. This is not stated here, but it's implied that we give to others the judgment of charity. What is the judgment of charity? Well I'll show you. Turn to 1 Corinthians chapter 13, the famous chapter on love. This phrase, the judgment of charity, is a phrase used by Puritans to talk about speaking the truth in love, to look at oneself humbly, not to see oneself as more important than he really is, as Romans 12 says, to deal with others by grace and in truth. And this judgment of charity comes from chapter 13, verse 7. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Now you had said previously that love is patient and kind. It's not envious of blissful, not arrogant or rude, it doesn't insist on its own ways, it's not irritable or resentful, it doesn't rejoice over wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. And why? Because love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. What does Paul mean by that? Well listen to the way some of our English versions translate this. If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, to endure whatever comes. There is nothing love cannot face. There is no limit to its faith, its hope, or its endurance. Love gives the benefit of the doubt and assumes the best until otherwise proven. These are all paraphrases of these wonderful verses here, especially verse 7. One old Puritan said, judge thyself with the judgment of sincerity, and you will judge others with the judgment of charity. It simply means that when you hear a report about someone else, you give them the benefit of the doubt. You say, you know, I choose not to believe that about my friend. About my coach, about my boss, about my pastor, about my neighbor, until evidence indicates that that is true. I give them the benefit of the doubt, because that's what you would want people to do to you. It's the judgment of charity. You judge them by a proven track record in their life, by a godly character that they've developed by what you know of them in public and in private and in relationships. You don't assume, because another person gets angry and says, well, this person did the complete opposite of everything we know he's like, you don't assume that's true. It's possible. Everybody has a dark side to them, but the judgment of charity says, no, innocent until proven guilty. I will believe only the truth until I hear something else. So back to this proverb, when we get a bad report from a friend, from a child, from a family member, we are judged the other party being spoken of negatively with a judgment of charity. Here's what we're to do. We're to give them the benefit of the doubt. We're to deal patiently with our angry and upset friend. We want to ignore slander and accusations and gossip and seek to help the two parties direct in style. We're to remember that the other person is innocent until proven guilty. And we are to recognize that sinners do not see themselves accurately and they always exaggerate the perceived failures of another person. Robert Alden said, the point of verse 17 is to listen to both sides of any argument before you decide what is right. Don't make a decision until you've heard more than one opinion. Witness in court? Aren't the only people whose testimony ought to be examined accurately? Children, too, need to be questioned sometimes in order to extract truth from seemingly contradictory counts of an unpleasant incident. Justice demands that both sides be heard. Charity demands that both sides be heard. The judgment of charity means that we give people the benefit of the doubt. We err on the gracious side because we're not trying to win an argument or take them at a fence of a friend against someone else, we're trying to be a reconciler. And if we're not willing to give the judgment of charity to both parties, we're not going to be able to help them. The judgment of charity is difficult. It demands humility to see yourself as God sees you, honesty to look at things objectively and the truth. Grace to treat other people like you'd like to be treated yourself, tack to help a strange brothers find reconciliation, restrain to control your own anger and emotions, your reactions to things, submission to authority, to give honor to people to whom honor is due, and love to seek to help other people get along rather than win a fight. We are surrounded by the media and politics and advertising in the marketplace where you couldn't buy truth from million bucks. It's all about spin, it's all about emotional influence and little about the truth. But when we practice the judgment of charity, as one old Puritan William Harrell says, we give to other a cushion of grace. This is what God, in Christ, does to us. This is how the gospel affects us. It does not pass on a false report. God listens to both sides of the story, his and ours, before he renders his verdicts. And God judges us with the judgment of charity in Jesus Christ. My friends, this may be one of our great failures as Christians, that we have begun to talk about and to each other and to act towards each other the way the world does rather than the way we should in the gospel. I liked when I was a younger man, I liked the music of a guy named Phil Collins. He was a big British rock and roll star back in the 1990s, and he had one of his lesser known songs who called both sides of the story. Talks about this man who's an alcoholic in the gutter and you look down on him until you hear the other side of the story. This little couple who are getting divorced and they're yelling at each other and the children listening and hearing both sides of the story. About the young ghetto kid with a gun who holds up a guy in an alley and he tells us, tells the guy why he has this gun, it's the other side of the story. And the refrain throughout the song is this. The lights are all out now, the world is watching us. People looking for truth, we must not fail them now. Be sure before you close your eyes that you do not walk away from here until you hear both sides of the story. There are a number of us in this room who have some repenting to do. There are people who need to go back to their friends and say, you know, I didn't tell you the whole truth, I misrepresented things and I prejudiced you against another person and I want to ask you for forgiveness and tell you the whole story. There are people who need to circle back around to someone they blasted and said, I know you've heard from others what I said about you and I was wrong. I was upset and I was emotional and I was wrong. And there are people who need to repent of their anger and their self-righteousness and their caustic manner and need to begin to treat people with the judgment of charity. You know why? Because that's how redemption takes place. What story do we have to excuse away our sins? I mean, what rationale can Mike Ross give for breaking all of the Ten Commandments on regular basis, even though he knows better? What can I say to God to explain why my sins put his son to death? I mean, is there another side of the story? There is. And that's what Jesus Christ did for us. He told his father the other side of the story. Had eyeball on that cross, here's what I'd have said, father, I didn't do anything wrong. You've got seven being people on this globe that you need to punish now. In fact, I'm going to pull these nails out, I'm going to do it for you. I'm going to punish all of them. They have no reason for what they're doing. And even less justification for killing me when I came to help them. But that's not what Jesus did, is it? He told the other side of the story. He said, father, forgive them. They don't know what they're doing. That is the other side of the story. And because he asked that, you and I are forgiven. Jesus gave us the judgment of charity. And by that judgment, we are saved. And I can check your loved ones that you and I owe that to other people, especially to our brothers and sisters in Christ. Father, forgive the other person, I'm sure they didn't realize what they were doing. Let's pray. There we are an ungracious people when it comes to judging one another, yet we want grace for ourselves and for our friends. Forgive us of this injustice that is innately in our souls and in our psyches. You know, it was to begin to be people of charity. People who render unto others a judgment that gives the benefit of the doubt, that seeks not to take sides but to reconcile, to bring alienated parties together in Christ and in grace, help us to calm those who are upset who feel genuinely that they've been wronged, and to seek for truth and bringing these differences to a justifiable conclusion. Forgive us for all of the times that we rendered an inaccurate and incomplete report to prejudice others against a third party, not ever including what we had done to cause the disruption. Forgive us most of all, for not confessing to you our sins and believing in Jesus Christ, for wanting grace from you, punishment for others, because we know not Christ or his gospel, save us, please, from ourselves. And from our unforgiving spirits, remind us of the words of your Son, if you will not forgive others, and your Father in heaven will not forgive you, that pledges us in demands that we give ourselves to this judgment of charity, into a forgiving and truthful and gracious spirit with one another. Help us in this we pray, not just for your honor and glory, which is paramount, and not just for the purposes of Christ, for this is what he died for, that men would be reconciled to each other and to you, they might love one another as he has loved us, but also for the peace and purity of your church, and for her witness in the world, that rock and roll singles right, the lights are all off, the whole world is watching us, they're looking for us to be people of grace and truth and charity, and we can be this by your grace and by your spirit. For we ask for that in Jesus' name, amen.