This recording is from Christ Kingdom Church in Avalon Park, Orlando. Visit us online at ChristKingdom.org for our calendar driving directions and more audio recordings. We're in our sermon series on resurrecting life. And on how the resurrection of the power of Jesus Christ makes a practical difference, and certainly a spiritual difference in many specific, well, every area of your life. But we looked at marriage, we looked at parenting, we looked at finances, we looked at health, we looked at work, last week we looked at rest. Hopefully you had a little bit more rest last Sunday or planning on doing it today. And we're going to look at it this morning as it relates to singleness. Early on, I didn't actually have singleness in my outline here to do this. And I apologize for that. And somebody said, well, what about those that aren't married? Yeah, exactly right. And some of those might be asking those questions even more. You know, where is the power of the resurrection of Jesus Christ and somebody who's single? And so we're going to look at that here this morning. Next week we'll look at joy, the week after that we'll look at suffering to wrap up our series coming up. But this morning we're going to look at singleness. One of the things that first comes to mind about it is the whole idea and concept of dating. And I just want to say right off the top here, that makes it a little bit challenging because the concept of dating is nowhere in the Bible. You got to remember that even the newest parts of it were in 2000 years ago. And other parts of it, you know, add another three to four thousand years. And in those cultures and those times, those days and ages, dating was not the way it happened. So we have some modern applications here that the specific teachings of scripture don't address. But let me tell you quite 100% assuredly, the principles do. The principles in God's word are just as relevant today as they've been in the other time because they're timeless. Because they come from the words, from the lips of God. And so they are completely applicable and every time, every day, every age. But we're going to have to look to how that fits here today. In those days you were a bit trodhe quite often was the way. You know, maybe before you're even old enough to understand what that idea was, you would discover from your parents that, yeah, you know, so and so, they're parents and we talked and one day when you reach the right age, the YouTube will be married. And, you know, some of your kids are thinking, you know, you're kidding me, right? No, but they would have thought nothing different about that. They would have thought, well, that's how my parents did it. That's how my grandparents, that's how it happened. It would have been no big deal. That's just the way it was. So as we're looking at this whole idea of singleness and how it looks and how it feels today. And we've got to realize we've got to make some principles, not make them, but we've got to see how these principles apply to some of the concepts today that don't quite fit specifically for the day and age so the Bible was written in. But one of the things I wanted to do too was really look at some of the key issues with that. But before I jump into that, let me read our text for this morning, which is just one of many texts that could apply to singleness. But as we read it, you'll see, oh, you have to speak specifically to it. First Corinthians 7, verses 1 through 10, and because of the length of it, I'm just going to skip then to verses 25 through 28 to hit the key verses that mention that. Well, let's look at this. If you had your Bible follow along with me, this is God's holy and inspired word. Now, for the matters you wrote about, it is good for a man not to marry, but since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone, but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him, but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together so that Satan will not tempt you because of a lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all men were as I am, but each man has his own gift from God. One has this gift, another has that. Now, to the unmarried, and the widows, I say, it is good for them to stay unmarried as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. To be married, I give this command, not I but the Lord. A wife must not separate from her husband, but if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. The husband must not divorce his wife. Now, about virgins, I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy. Because of the present crisis, I think it is good for you to remain as you are. Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a virgin marry, she has not sinned, but those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. This is God's holy and inspired word. And we will unpack some of those specific questions and maybe we are raised from that probably in our second point, more than our first point. But I wanted to get that as a concept here, to begin to look at some of the principles of the Bible is giving us related to singleness. And as I try to narrow down, because there are many ways, many routes we could have gone this morning, I try to pick two main problems. Two primary problems that I think are associated with the issue and the topic of singleness in our culture here today. And the first one that comes up, and if you want to follow in the outline, is number one is this, squeeze your single season. Squeeze your single season. What I mean by that is that everybody at one time or another is single. And some of you at some point or another will be single again, if you think about it. Singleness is something that we all are passing through at some time or another, some of our younger folks here are right in the midst of that. But again, singleness is one that could be with you much of your life, it's something that you could face much sooner than you thought even, if you're an unfortunate case like a widow or a widower. And those realities exist, and we know that. We have people in our own church living through that and struggling with that here. But understand that there is something from your singleness that God wants you to squeeze from. Let me look at this way. To understand this problem, think about sleep. If you try to go and get your whatever seven-ish, eight-ish hours of sleep that is considered ideal. But if you say have a young baby, what happens in the midst of the night, you get woken up, perhaps. It's kind of part that comes with the territory there. And even though you went to bed in time to get your seven or eight hours, if it gets interrupted, especially your REM sleep and some of those stages of it, you miss the full benefit of it. If it's been interrupted, if it's been somehow stopped from beginning its fullness. Think about this. If you go on vacation, this is probably more of a problem for some of you men and women perhaps. Men, if you take that cell phone, if you take that laptop or ladies, if you've got a cell phone and a laptop, what can happen to that vacation? That wonderful week you plan. If the cell phone's ringing, if you've got emails that you've got to get back to work related, what was planned to be a wonderful season of vacation? The week or the few days you had could be totally disrupted, could be totally changed. Or think about this. Some of you may have had the doctors prescribe like the antibiotic, right? And they say, hey, you need to take it all seven or ten days, whatever it is. Even though you start feeling better, don't stop. Because once the symptoms go away, it doesn't mean that the problem is solved. But how many times does it happen? Perhaps you haven't finished it and perhaps it's come back quickly or you didn't get quite over it. There is a problem when certain things as good as they are are not squeezed for all of their supposed to be. There's a problem if things are diluted like rest, like vacation or prescription, the medicines you're supposed to be taking. And that dilution can sabotage the blessing that's supposed to be originally found and happened in that. Singleness is being diluted often, rampantly in our culture. And there is, and it is sabotaging some of the things I honestly believe God wants us to learn during that season of life. And let me encourage you this, as when you're in that single season, in any of you who are not married here right now or in that season, don't waste it. And also don't dilute it. Don't waste it and don't dilute it. Sadly, especially with our younger singles, our teenagers, maybe those who are in college, those who are right out of college, it is getting wasted like crazy all the time. And what I mean by that specifically, the whole idea of a dating culture in this and a romantic culture, you have so many kids. And by the way, I was a full-time youth director for six years before I got doing kind of stuff I'm doing now here. I worked with students. And the culture was telling them all the time is that this whole idea of marital romance is not just for later, but it's also for now. And kids dove into it. And you know what? Parents have left them come right into it. Parents haven't put boundaries up. And it's created a whole thing that's diluted in area of singleness that God has intended to be a special season, especially for those that are young. They have not come into the age of marriage yet. But it's gotten diluted in that. Let me unpack it a little bit here, more looking at some of the different words for love in the Bible. See us Lewis and other scholars have looked at some of the primary words the Bible uses for love. Now here's one that gives you a clue already of some of the problems we have. The Bible has about at least five different Greek words that could be interpreted and translated love. Well, in the English language, we've got how many? One, pretty much. Okay. So the Bible is looking in four to five different categories, four main ones. And we're looking with one. We use this word love to cover so many different things. All right. I love that magic game last night. All right. I love that cute girl or a cute guy. Or I love my wife 50 years. Now that word love can be used so many different ways, can represent so many different things with that. And the Bible understands this. And the Bible is used it specifically in different ways. Let me point out the four main uses of the word love here. And to show you what the worldly progression is in relation to marriage and romance and dating and things like that. Here is the worldly progression that happens. The first Greek word look at here just Aeros is one where you get the word erotic and things like that from here too. It's related to the sexual attraction type of thing, the passion, the desire. In our day in age and culture, this is lead. This is what drives it all. The first thing that comes to your mind is thinking, does the opposite sex person appeal to you in a way that's desirable? And we're not talking about desirable in a friendship way. Are they pretty? Now, are they good looking? And even those that obviously there's different, there's different end results that you can be looking for that. Even in the innocent end results, even a person who is a follower of Jesus Christ who is completely determined to follow God's word and waiting for sexual relations to marriage, that is still in the orientation in the whole process, the beginning of it. Am I attracted to them in a way that is sexually desirable or they are desirable to me? That leads the way in it. The second thing, the Storge word here that's used here, has to do with affection, has to do with a sense of being attracted to someone, not in the aeros sort of way, but in a way that's just more the romantic attraction side. So, number one, you find somebody that really looks good to you, that you think, wow, I'm really attracted to that person. What's the next stage that happens follows the idea of, well, could there be a romantic thing that might happen here? Is there mutual interest? Because, ultimately, if you like somebody but they don't like you, well, they must have bad taste. I'm going to move on. There's got to be a reciprocation, there's got to be that potential there, and we enter into this whole other Greek word for love, Storge thing. Then you have the Faleo one. This is where we get the word Philadelphia, city of brotherly love. This is friendship love. And, gladly, even the worldly pursuit says, this is important. You need to find somebody that's a friend, but notice where it is on the scale. It's number three. And then, if you're continuing to go that far, you come to number four, agape, which is the committed love. Sometimes we even refer to it as the unconditional love. This is where you say, look, I'm going to resolve and commit to this person for life. But notice the order of where things have happened here in the scheme of what, how the world oriented with it. Now, the way the Bible would orient us in romantically pursuing marriage and relationships is very different. Let's look at that way. Next slide. The Bible comes in and says, look, what is most important is the Faleo type love. It's the friendship love. That is what ought to be top on your list. That is what you ought to be looking for. And all of you here have been married for any length of time. We'll vouch and say, you know, when it comes down to it, the day in and the day out, if you feel like you have a successful positive marriage experience, I'm going to bet it's because you're like, we're friends. Yeah, there are other aspects of love are important, but you know where the bottom line is, where the rubber meets the road. It's where friends. We enjoy being together. We have fun together. Irrespective of some of the other descriptions of love. If you talk to somebody who has been married the 40, 50 years, I can guarantee you they'll talk about friendship. You know, because after a certain point, the physical attractiveness fades, doesn't it? I mean, I don't care whether you're Brad Pitt today, but Brad Pitt at 80 is different than Brad Pitt at 40 or whatever he is now. Alright, trust me on that one. There's that whole process. There it goes. It says, secondly, in the process, if you're progressing in God's plan, story is important. It's an important form of it. It's important to know that the friendship that there is is an interest in one another, that there would be romantic interest with that, but notice it is after the friendship level. The agape one then comes next of saying, look, if you have found your best friend in life, and by the way, those that aren't married are the best friend, know the challenge of that. And that's dangerous not to be married to your best friend. If you're not, fix it. Work on it. But those that know that once you've found your best friend, once there is certainly isn't attraction in romantic interest, then comes the time for a committed relationship, one that is solidified as the Bible says, to death do we part. But God is brought to ghetto at no man's separate. And then and lastly, is the aerois formal love, the romantic, the sexual, desirable type of love, supposed to be satisfied. Then, after and in the context of the committed marriage, between a man and a woman for life, radically different approaches in this. And the reason why I start with this morning is that this right here is the foundation for why I'm going to say in our singleness, friendship is so important and pursuing it. And I'm going to talk a lot here to teenagers, you know who you are, those of you who are in college here, friendship is what the Bible would say is the way to start interacting with people of the opposite sex, and what you should be making the most important thing, friendship. In fact, go back to the next slide real quick. One of the things about the word aerois on this, I like what Tim Keller says about this, he says the aerois formal love is the cement that's poured on whatever is in the relationship. If you start with the aerois formal love and that's all that you have is a sexual desire with a person, imagine that cement comes in to that relationship and it's very hard for anything else to enter in. You've got to crack it, you've got to break it open, you've got to get it out of there. But when it comes, as the Bible says, after committed relationship for life, when that cement solidifies what's in there, it makes a strong bond for life. Well, again, friendship is the key here, following the biblical progressions will be what to do. Let me encourage you on this focus on friendship, not romance. I'm talking to you teenagers, focus on friendship, not romance. And by the way, I'm also talking to you parents of teenagers. It's our responsibility to help our kids with this, those that are older and are single. Still work, still applies, focus on friendship and not on romance because that's the foundation of where it begins and where it's supposed to go from there with that. We're also told, too, that as we do that, here are some of the reasons why you should do that. Romance brings the expectation of exclusivity, of it being exclusive, of it being just between you and one other person. Romance, as soon as you enter romance into the equation, things change. Right? This past Valentine's Day, and I'm talking to all of you here, this past Valentine's Day, you were buying gifts. You were buying cards, flowers, wherever the case might be, but I guarantee you, for the most part, you were only buying it for one person, unless you count your mom or somebody else like that. There was only one person that was your Valentine. Why? Because romance is not something you share. If you're sharing your romance, your romantic part with a bunch of different people, then it's not special, it means nothing to the person. So understand, when we're talking about singleness, when you enter romance into it, that automatically brings the level of exclusiveness that has to come into it, and it can come in a premature time before you're ready to make a commitment of marriage. And there's danger to that, the Bible will tell us. Romance also brings the expectation of responsibility and commitment, again, because you've made somebody exclusive, you've made somebody special. Well, there are expectations that come with that, and those can become too soon, and the most dangerous one that brings most of all probably from romance is the expectation of intimacy. Because, again, that is what marriage is designed to bring us to union with one man and one woman for life. And when that is kindled too young, too soon, before somebody is ready to make a commitment of marriage, it creates that expectation. And that becomes very problematic, and it can lead us real quickly away from the will of God. Well, let me encourage you to transform your view of dating from a boyfriend girlfriend relationship to a friendship, with different girls, with different guys. If you're a guy here this morning that's single, let me encourage you to have lots of friends that are girls. If you're a girl here that's single, let me encourage you to have lots of friends that are guys. That's a healthy thing to have, before you're ready to make a bond and a commitment of marriage. It's extremely healthy for that. Spend time with the opposite sex, and one safe way to do that is in groups. Do lots of group things when you're at that point and when you're becoming more interested in the opposite sex. Do it in groups. Enjoy one another. Have friends, again, with the opposite sex. Limit your focus time on just one person, kind of exclusively pulling off and kind of connecting with just one person. Now, there's a natural desire to do that, and God, by the way, has built that into your DNA, so don't be afraid of that. Acknowledge that it's going to be there, but realize that desire, a part of your DNA, is really one that's supposed to be ultimately placing you and bringing you to the point where it's for the one person you're supposed to marry. So when you're 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, let me just say, you're not ready to marry. Now, a lot of people aren't going to like that, but the reason why you're not is because you're not ready to support yourself probably financially. You're probably not positioned yourself to have a successful commitment to one another for the long term. In our day-age and culture, having education beyond high school is almost mandatory. When we got people now who are out of work, who have been out of college for 10, 20 years, who are going back to get a higher, more education, so they can get a job. Understand some of the realities of it, being prepared, being responsibly prepared for relationships like that. That comes later, most of the time. There be some rare exceptions to that. Now, it certainly be the case, and in certain different cultures in the past, things have been different. But in our culture here today, it would be a very difficult thing, and rarely ever, what I say, God's will, for somebody in a high school age range to ever consider getting married. Something to think about. Well, instead of being worried about finding the right person as well too, let me encourage this to you. Those who are single. Instead of being worried about that, focus on becoming the right person. Instead of being worried about who is the right person, can I find them? Focus instead on MI becoming the right person. That would be for smile. We'll talk a little bit more about that in point two. But now I want to talk to you parents of teenagers. And those of you who don't have teenagers yet, you're going to be, if you're parents of younger kids soon. So I want to talk to all you parents. It's your responsibility to teach your kids to squeeze their singleness. It's your responsibility. Leave your kids to themselves, what they see on TV, what they see in the movies, what they read in books, what they observe from their friends at school, will not lead them in this direction whatsoever. That's why the Bible says there's a way that seems right to a man, but it's end as what? Destruction or another translation? Death. Pretty hard word, isn't it? If you leave somebody alone, a child, even a teenage young adult to themselves, the way they will naturally go is towards destruction and death. And whose responsibility is, as long as they're underneath your home to do something about it, if you love your children, it's you, mom. It's you, dad. It's our responsibility. Don't expect your kids to pick up on this. It's your job to do that. And how do you do that primarily? Here's the number one thing I think you can do as parents. Be engaged. Be engaged with your children, with your teenagers' lives. Let me give you a few quick tips here. Number one. Think. Got that parents? What's number one? Think. What's number one? Think. Make me nervous here. What's number one? Think. You gotta think. What does that mean? It means, it gets engaged here and thinking about what's going on. Don't let your kids watch a movie that you don't know what's in it. And secondly, when they do watch it, hopefully, be with them or be aware of it to talk about what they're being bombarded with, to help them be able to have a paradigm to think through what they're being fed by the world. You've got to think. You've got to realize they're being bombarded by messages every single day. And by the way, with the internet, it's been exponentially greater. The messages are getting every single day. Where's your message, mom? Where's your message, dad, coming in? Unless you're fighting for it, unless you're carving room for it, I guarantee you, it's not just coming through osmosis. Well, you know, I'm trying to set an example for my kids and I think they'll catch on. No, they won't. They will not catch on. Did you catch on when you were a teenager? No. And that's all you need as parents is to think back, what was I doing when I was a teenager? What really spoke and got my attention about the things of God, about truth? If something like that did, I guarantee you there was a person that took an interest. You be that as a parent. Number two, have a voice as a parent. Speak. It's your voice. I've talked to a parent sometimes that said, I just don't know what to say. That's all right. But say something. Do something. You need to have a voice in that. Number three, train your kids. They need training. They need training and how to interview for a job one day, don't they? They need training and how to select a college. I bet you're going to help them with that. They need training on how to drive. And I know you're going to help them with that before you let them loose behind the wheel. Try not to look at my daughter. Let me tell you what has been the most helpful tool I've found that's my put me on to is this book called I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Josh Harris. Now, I'm not a big promoting one kind of book kind of a guy thing, but I will tell you this. This written, I think he was like 21 years old of a time when he wrote it. He wasn't married, but written from a young person, two young people. This has been an incredible resource to take through your teenager with and thinking about it. Because you know what? It will make them think and it'll make you think. And thinking is a good thing, I think. So, take time to look for resources like this. Again, I just would encourage you, this is a great one that's out there. Go through it, talk through, unpack it, things together. Ask questions of your teenagers. So, what did you guys do last night? Who were you with? What happened? What went on? Make boundaries for your kids. Kids want to know their boundaries around them. Now, here's one of the biggest problems that happens with teenagers that I see and I have my own struggle with this too, is that your teenagers will come in and they will do what to your boundaries. Yeah, they're going to test that. Is that really a boundary? Am I really not supposed to go past that? So, don't be surprised when they test it. Don't be surprised when they give you this, what they think is a logical appeal of why you're totally wrong. Because you know what? They want to know, is it important that you're going to stand by it? Is it important that you're going to say, listen, you need to really think about this. They're going to test it because they're smart enough to know that there are boundaries in the real boundaries. And if it's just a boundary, they want to see if it will pop like a balloon. But if it's a real boundary, then they'll know it. But they're going to test it but they won't know if it's real until they really push on it. So, expect them to. I mean, encourage them. Our teenagers need encouragement. When you see them making good choices, tell them so. Let them know. Form alliances. Survivor is not the one that originated, the power of alliances, the TV show survivor. Okay. Form alliances with other parents. Talk to other parents. You know, when the answer comes, well, so and so's parents, let's them, blah, blah, blah. Actually, I've just talked to so and so's parents. And we're in agreement on this issue. But we could have a meeting with them if you'd like. Form alliances with parents that are like-minded and what better place a church community to do that. Ones that share your values. Ones that understand are committed to following God's word. And most importantly, I should have said it first, but leave it to last because it's so important, pray. Pray is parents. You cannot pray too much for your kids. Pray for them. Well, there is a secondary primary problem with this too. And that's number two this morning. Reject the single myths. One of your single of your parents or your helping your kids or single help them squeeze singleness. Number two, reject single myths. Now, I don't know about you. I love the show Mythbusters. You know, because you always have heard these myths of certain things that have happened, you know, over time, like one of my favorites was, does it really- And as your car really burn more gasoline, if you run it with the AC on versus if you have the windows down, you're not using the AC. Because I don't know about you, but sometimes I'm like down right around empty. And I got this decision. Keep the AC running and really pray that I get the gas station, turn it off and roll down the windows. And what's the answer? Who's seeing it? Well, they're actually- That's what most people have thought, or people would have thought everything, but they put it to the test. I saw this episode. You might see this episode. What happened? You didn't see the episode then. They had two cars running or going around a racetrack. Okay. And in theory, they were thinking that the AC with the windows up, because more aerodynamics are things to work, it wasn't true. It was cutting the AC off and putting your windows down. That car had like several more laps with it, which is helpful to know. So you need to know this, roll your windows down. But anyway, the point is, bust the myths, find the myths, and the best way to do it is expose the myth and then bring truth in. And let me tell you, some of these are the most common ones I see. Here's one of a few. I need to find my perfect mate. Here's a myth. Next slide. I need to find my perfect mate. You might have heard this myth. Nobody's heard this myth? Thank you, some honest people in the room. Okay. Thank you. Okay. I need to find my perfect mate. What's the myth on this? Don't look for the right person, your designer mate. You need to be the right person. That's the key. It's not saying that God doesn't sovereignly have a perfect person that he is selected to pick for you to marry, because God has sovereignly evolved every detail that happens in life. Completely, 100%. And we don't have all that figured out how he does that, and how does he work through sinful choices and bad choices. I don't have it all figured out, but I do know that the Bible says he is sovereignly in control. But you know what? Your job is not to be the sovereign mate selector for yourself. All right. There's one that God's got picked for me. Let me see if I can figure out who is he or who is she. That's not your role. God says trust him with that. But your role, you know what it is? If you're single, if you're single again, wherever the case is, to be the right kind of mate. You're not giving your attention on looking for it, be the right kind of mate. Focus on being the right person. Remember when I was in college, I had an older friend of mine who was, you know, several years ahead of me. He was an Auburn football player, and I wanted to be an Auburn football player. He really was. I was a wannabe, but I remember there was also an Auburn football cheerleader, and I knew he knew, and you know, you're kind of arrogant and hopeful when you're a freshman in college. She was like a senior, and I was like, man, is there any way that she would go out with me? And he was like, well, you know, she's, she's, she's sharp girl. She's good looking. She's, she's Christian, godly woman. I remember, he said this to me. So, you know, look at those, God. If you want to get a godly girl like that, you got to be a godly guy like that. And he stopped me my tracks because I thought, ooh, that's a good point. In fact, if she is a godly girl, she really want to give a lot of attention to some guy that isn't a godly guy, would she? Well, it's just what I needed at the time to start thinking through this. Am I being the right kind of godly guy? And what does that mean? It means walking faithfully with God first. Let me tell you this, the Bible says, do not be unequally yoked. Do not unite yourself with somebody for life to death do your part that doesn't share the most important thing in your life. And that should be your personal relationship, Jesus Christ. Who is, he's your king, right? That's what the Bible says. You're inviting him to be your Lord king, savior of your life. So, let me just say right now, any of you who are in that dating situation here, currently single, single again, whatever your case is here, do never, never consider marrying somebody who is not a firm follower of Jesus Christ. But be first a follower of your Christ yourself, focused on that, become a student of the opposite sex, learn about them, try to understand about them, see what you can do on that. That's where your focus ought to be. If you've got parents, ask your parents, learn from your siblings, if you've got siblings of the opposite sex, learn from them, be, be preparing yourself that way to be the right kind of person. If you're an older single, ask, learn from other married couples, maybe who are out there, if you're close to that place. Another tip here, practice friendships with the opposite sex, which we've already talked about, develop your skills in getting ready for marriage. Skills like learning how to manage your finances, learning how to cook, learning how to clean. And by the way, I'm not just talking about for one specific sex. I'm very grateful that my mom taught me how to wash clothes. I'm very grateful that I had skills taught to me that have helped me with that. Practice your parenting skills if you're early on in this too, here yourself. One of the things you can do here is do things like think about, all right, am I ready to have my own kids? I remember when I was a junior in college, I was thinking, all right, what am I going to do for this summer coming up? I last summer before I graduated from college, and I just remember thinking, you know, I'm not really that comfortable working with kids. You know, I was the youngest of my family, I had no younger siblings, I didn't quite know what was going on. I actually made the choice to spend the whole summer working at a Christian camp, just so I would get comfortable working with kids. I knew I kind of liked them, but I just didn't hang out with them. After a summer being a summer camp counselor and being their mom and dad all night long for a whole week, you know, all of those things that happened, I learned a lot. That was a great skill. Those are things like that, but the myth to need to find a perfect mate, that's a myth. You need to be the right kind of mate, and that's what you need to be putting your focus on with that. Let character trump, physical attraction when you're looking for people. One of the things that came from this book that I saw was really good, is that he suggested this 50-year-old principal, the 50-year-old principal, which I've already referred to before, was he tried to think, all right, I'm attracted to this person of the opposite sex. Josh was writing this, so he was a product of a girl. He would try to imagine what is she going to be like in 50 years, when she's 50 years old to me. What was she look like? How was she act? Would we have the kind of friendship that would still be strong when she's 50 years old? Or is it just really based on physical appearance? Hey, ask yourself, what am I going to be like when I'm 50 years old? Because I'm not going to be so attracted either. Well, I'd be the kind of person that would be a good friend. It's a great thing to practice, look at. Let me look at another myth here, next one. Singleness is a gift. How many of you have heard this myth? Raise your hand. Now, if you grew up in the church, I bet you've, most of you have heard this. Singleness is a gift. I wasn't so sure about this one until I studied this this week. And the passage I used today was the primary one that's used and referred to that. But I really think it's been misinterpreted. In fact, there's many scholars that believe the exact same thing. The Bible never says that singleness is a gift. I bet some of you may be relieved now, finally thinking, good, I don't want that gift, maybe. The Bible doesn't say that anywhere. There is a gift that's listed here, but let's look at it. The message that was, we looked at it in the first Corinthians, I want to read verses five through nine. Here on that, do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and four times so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Is there anybody following here what you're not supposed to deprive yourself of? The sexual relationship in a marriage except for special seasons. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. That's the reason to not only do it for a season. I wish that all men were as I am, but each man has his own gift from God. One has this gift and the other has that. Now to be unmarried and widows I say it is good for them to stay unmarried as I am, but if they cannot control themselves, they should marry for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. This is the passage where he talks about one has one gift and another that is used primarily to say that the singleness is a gift. What it's saying is the gift is that the ability to not have to be able to suppress your sexual, not the right word. The gift would be is that the sexual desire, the need to have that sexual desire fulfilled, is one that you have a gift to not have to give into. You have a gift to be able to have restraint in that whole area. That is what the gift is. The gift is not itself singleness. Here is where the problem was, because the problem is that God said in Genesis it is not good for a man to be alone. If singleness was the gift, then what is marriage? It sounds like marriage was the gift. Paul and other places, clashes on the book of the Bible talks about how good marriage is and how important it is. Is he contradicting himself or is he talking about a different type of gift? The best example here is that he is talking about a different kind of gift. He is talking about the gift of being able to have the restraint to not need that sexual fulfillment. That was the gift, not singleness. Let's clear that up here. But let me clarify too, God does call some people to be single. He does call some people to be single. Jeremiah for example, did you know that Jeremiah chapter 16 verses 1 through 2? God said this. The word of the Lord also came to me, Jeremiah said, you shall not take a wife for yourself, nor have sons or daughters in this place. Because he was to be an example of how God's wrath was against the nation of Israel at this time and the judgment was coming against him and he was saying, look, you don't know. We need to have any union with any wife here. He told Jeremiah, do not get married. That was a special call that he had on him. Elijah, one of the greatest prophets of all time, did not marry. Here's an example of a lady, Moses is a sister, did not marry as far as we know. And Jesus did not marry. It is a call that God gives, but don't think that singleness is some kind of special gift that's better because that's not what the Bible is saying either. We need to clear that up. And God hasn't given you the gift of sexual restraint, then pursue the blessing of marriage. It's what the Bible really is saying. If God hasn't given you that gift of the sexual restraint, then pursue marriage. Genesis 218, God said, it is not good for a man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable to him. That was God's declaration. Another myth here, real quick. There is something wrong with proactively seeking marriage. Have you heard that myth? See my felt that myth. If you're using a dating service, it feels like you're not trusting God. That would be the way Christians would deal with that. You hear that kind of thing. Or you feel that. You really should sit back and trust God. That's a myth. How do I know that? Genesis 24. It was time for Isaac to get married, Abraham's son. What did they do? They set up for Isaac to go off on a journey or the Isaac sermon to go off on a journey. For the sole purpose of what? Finding him a wife. It was time that became the primary pursuit for Isaac at that time to set off and do that. Also, it happened for Ruth in the small book of Ruth in the Bible. Remember that she was a widow? But what happened? Ruth, and she exalted and lifted up. It was a very godly woman because she was. Put herself in a position by being out in the field. For War and Boaz came by. She would be in position. She would be noticed. Her mother-in-law, Naomi, helped her with that. This is centuries old dating games. The process here. This was how they were doing it. There's nothing wrong with it. It's lifted up. Proverbs 18-22 says this. He who finds a wife finds what is good receives favor from the Lord. It's a good thing to find a wife. Or if your wife is a good thing to find a husband. That's a good thing. Here's what the problem is. What is wrong is when you make getting married the ultimate thing. Marriage is a good thing. But it becomes an idol when you make it the ultimate thing. Every idol in your life, by the way, is a good thing that you make an ultimate thing. Nobody makes an idol a bad thing. But you make idols of good things. Because you make them ultimate things. You make them what you need most. You hold them up above all else. And for the single person that says, this is number one most important thing in my life is getting married. You know what? You are bowing down to an idol that God never intended you to worship. He said you should have no other gods before me. You have to bring that down. You have to put God up. But there's nothing wrong with being assertive and pursuing the dating process. You're dating because of our culture. But pursuing that. It's a few quick tips on that. Ask trusted friends if you're in that process. If you're at that place ready to get married. Ask trusted friends to ask their trusted friends. And they know about the people that you should date or hang out with. Dating services, although they could be used improperly and they know doubt are, if you're looking for other Christians, there's nothing wrong with them. Those are fine tools. If they help you, they'll find a compatible person. There's nothing wrong with that. There's no shame in that if you're single. There's nothing wrong with that. There's no shame in that if you're single. There are not be anything the Bible would say is wrong with that. But don't marry someone that has made marriage their ultimate thing. I just said that. How important it is for you not to make your ultimate thing. Do not marry somebody else that has made marriage their ultimate thing. relationship with you. You don't want that. Very last thing here, I'm over time here, this is important. Next slide. Singleness is better than marriage. Because of this passage that's right here with the Apostle Paul says it's better for you to remain even as I am. What's often misunderstood is the context of what's going on in the passage. One verse one of chapter 7 says, now for the matters you wrote about, it is good for a man not to marry. The Apostle Paul says I'm addressing some kind of specific question they have. What's going on in their context so they were asking questions? There was a big famine going on. There were people that were struggling to stay alive. How do we know that? Well, one, if from other historical records that tell us that was true in this day and age, but also chapter 16 of 1st Corinthians, we'll talk about how they're taking a special collection because those who are starving, those are in need. So we're told that that is what's going on here. So the real, the best way to understand this here is why he's talking about it being so important and so much better is because imagine if you're getting married and you're having children in the midst of a famine, you're creating more mouths that you have to feed during that time. He was specifically saying on this issue that it was better not to marry under the circumstances they were in at the time because things were so desperate because people were starving to death to come in which is a primary goal of marriage to procreate to come and to have children would be not a wise thing to do at this time. Another key thing is that in that verse 26 he says because of this present crisis, I think it is good for you to remain as you are. And what does he say? If you're married, don't get divorced. He says if you're not married, don't get married. It was because of the present crisis. So some have said and has become a myth that singleness is really better than marriage or that the Apostle Paul thought it was or misunderstanding the context. Singleness, if God's called you to that at your place in life, and remember we've already talked about, even though some of us who are married, at least one of us in the married relationship will probably be single at some point because your spouse will die before you. You'll be single again. There will be a time that God will call you to a season like that. If you're young people, you're still single perhaps now. But God can use you if you're single just as much as you can if you're married. That's why we got to debunk this myth. And God can use you if you're married significantly, even if you're not single. You have to be different kinds of distractions that you have if you're married. But believe me, there'll be different kinds of distractions. You'll have it if you're single either way. Well, what I wanted to close our time here is I wanted to pray for our singles, our singles that are young, our singles that maybe are older. And I remember what we were at, I was that university president here and we were praying for singles one time. We had two singles that were actually in our in that prayer gathering. And it was kind of interesting that they knew each other where they weren't dating. But within a year they were married. It's kind of cool how God answers prayers sometimes, but I want to pray for that. And I want to pray that you will take God's view of singleness. Let's pray. God, I just pray right now that as we come to your your table as we come to worship you the living God this morning, try to have a better understanding of singleness. God, would you let your word come and do all our hearts? Would you let it be planted firmly in our hearts? And would you give us a desire God to worship you above all else? God for those of our who are young adults here that are perhaps not teenagers yet are going to be or already are or those that maybe are in college or just out where where marriage is something that's in the back of their mind. And if they're out of college and maybe you're really on the front of their mind here, God, I pray for wisdom for them. I pray you protect them. I pray that you would guard them. God I pray that they would pursue truth. And they would trust you more than they would trust what they see on ABC. God, I pray that they would trust you on what they see at regal cinema. They would believe that your truth, your principles guard them and love them and will keep them safe much more than anything they hear in the world. Because you didn't spare your own son that you offered him up willingly for them. So God, let them be devoted to following you and your principles. God, for those that are older here that maybe you're single again or for many of us who will be single again one day with that. God, would you let us see singleness as something that you will call us to perhaps at sometimes but we are to still focus and keep you our ultimate thing? God, would you let friendship be what drives us in our relationships with others? And especially in relation to preparing for marriage, would friendship be what is most important and lays the foundation there? God, your word tells us that there won't be any giving a marriage in heaven. We're moving to a new heavens and a new earth where marriage will be a very different concept because you'll be married to your to your bride and there'll be one model of that in heaven. So God, we even know we're going to a stage of place that will go best, take us beyond even the blessings of marriage here we see in this life. God, prepare our hearts for that. Prepare us for that. And God, may we live in the light of truth. I pray this in Jesus name. Amen.